I Watched Zero Day So You Don’t Have To

1,412 words

Part of every ideologically lonely dissident rightist’s life (or at least mine) is the consumption of horrible to mediocre pop culture minutiae for the purpose of critique, analysis, and simply keeping up with the enemy’s propaganda. There’s something to be said for good ole fashion hate-watching too. I guess that’s all a more fancy schmancy way of saying “I watched/read/listened to this so you don’t have to.”And I did just that with Zero Day, the recent Netflix series starring the increasingly cartoonish Robert De Niro. I’ve always been a sucker for political intrigue type mysteries, so it wasn’t too hard to talk myself into watching it. And to be perfectly honest, it does start off with a pretty decent (albeit familiar) setup: the ever-popular terrorist attack against the United States. It comes in the form of a cyber-attack whereby multiple systems across the country are disabled at once, causing all the chaos and malfunction you might imagine such an event would cause. The attack kills around 3,000 people, causing an immediate widespread panic as well as rioting in the streets from people demanding the government do something to catch those responsible.

Solid enough premise, right? Well, the solution the current POTUS comes up with is to have the former POTUS George Mullen, played by De Niro, head up a federal taskforce/agency known as the Zero Day Commission. The Commission will be charged with the capture of the dastardly villains who did the evil deed. The current POTUS is (of course) a Strong Independent Black Woman played by Angela Bassett, who strides around from scene to scene with that “my shit don’t stink, honkey” look on her face that every black actress since the 1970s seems to have popped out of the womb with. The task force President Shaniqua imagines is one that will commit blatant constitutional violations and has the potential to anger a large percentage of the population, that is unless the calm, rational, diplomatic voice of De Niro’s ex-POTUS convinces the American people that these actions are in their best interest and to acquiesce to the obvious (yet necessary, in the show’s point of view) intrusions on liberty. The first potential problem we see with any of this is that Mullen appears to be undergoing some sort of mental/neurological crisis that looks an awful lot like some type of dementia, complete with hallucinations and memory blackouts. I won’t say what the source of all that is, but suffice it to say the reveal (much like the larger one at the end) is fairly anti-climactic.

The tone of this show is set early on in a scene involving Mullen in some sort of traffic jam in Manhattan brought on by an angry mob of very white-looking folks about to do some very angry mob type stuff: tip cars over, storm buildings, light fires. You know, all those usual things modern white people are famous for doing. Thankfully, our hero gets out of his vehicle and gives one of many speeches this series delivers, although this one is probably the most over-the-top and easily the most unintentionally funny. The speech he gives to the violent mob is replete with sneering references to “conspiracy theories” and the fear and irrational distrust of authority they all must be feeling, but how they need to put all that aside since none of it is going to be “helpful.” The mob of bloodthirsty caucasians greets this little sermonette with reluctance at first, but gradually warms up to the wise words of their former leader. When Mullen finishes his stern lecture, the crowd (or most of them) erupt into applause and abandon their ill-conceived revolt. In a way, it was oddly touching. It was kind of a throwback to the confidence and cockiness often found in pre-9/11 movies where, in a heated or dangerous situation, the protagonist rattles off some common sense buzz phrases and gets the heavies to see things his way, followed by massive applause and a kumbaya session that ends with the closing credits.

But of course, this is not pre-9/11 America. It’s 2025, and the world where speeches and crowd reactions like that were even possible no longer exists. This is Babel now, and the type of commonality that makes situations like that anything other than grimly laughable is a distant memory. As a result, Mullen’s speech serves only as a reminder of the little things that have been lost in this nation of empty promises, broken dreams, and enforced diversity. In the show, it comes across as comically unbelievable and an example of a Hollywood that has run out of ideas. What makes the scene even more ridiculous is that almost everyone now regardless of political affiliation is well aware of what a surly, unlikable jack-ass De Niro is, so the idea of him as some sort neutral, cool-headed mediator comes off as downright satirical.

The story unfolds in rather predictable fashion, with characters and tropes that will seem all too familiar to anyone on the right who views globohomo cultural trends with a critical eye. Mullen’s daughter Alexandra is played by Lizzy Caplan, an actress with whom I am not familiar. Ideologically, she is all over the place, going from constitutional libertarian one minute to hard-core Machiavellian brutalist the next. She seems to serve no purpose other than to “challenge” her father’s method of supervising the task force in question. Jesse Plemons of Friday Night Lights (the show, not the film) and Breaking Bad fame plays the part of Mullens’ handler and body man, and puts in his usual above-average performance. In fact, I think it’s fair to say he’s the most likable character in the cast. Matthew Modine plays the Speaker of the House, doing his best smarmy, insincere white male politician routine.

If you really want to see the show prance its shitlib bona fides around like so many Broadway dancers, look no further than the character of Evan Green, played beautifully by Dan Stevens. Green is (stop me if you’ve heard this one before) a far-right political commentator who hosts his own podcast where he is highly critical of President Shaniqua, her lapdog Mullen, and the very real constitutional violations committed by both via the Zero Day Commission. Of course, beneath all of his tough talk and penetrating take-downs of those in power and their flagrant abuse of it, Green is portrayed as a pansy and a phony who cares only about how many clicks he gets and who will sell out his principles as soon as he is threatened. Green is such an obvious Tucker Carlson clone I’d be surprised if Tucker doesn’t sue Netflix for some type of defamation. He even looks into the camera with an incredulous look on his face right on cue. Being a screenwriter these days has to be one of the easiest jobs on the planet.

For his part, De Niro’s Mullen wanders around D.C. giving everyone he encounters stern and sanctimonious looks and he actually does that quite well. He’s still a good actor, although I think it’s safe to say his “great” years are pretty far off in the rearview mirror by now. I was pleasantly surprised that Mullen’s speechifying was mostly limited to the opening scene discussed earlier. I’m even more pleasantly surprised that De Niro hasn’t gone full Al Pacino at this stage in his career and merely become an over the top caricature of himself. That being said, his performance is painfully one-note. Would it have killed him to show a little range in this thing?

And the big reveal? Well, without spoiling anything for the three or four of you that might actually watch this, let’s just say it’s pretty much the most milquetoast, ballless, cop-out I’ve seen from a show in a while. The audience is told in no uncertain terms that “sides same” and that the middle must hold if we are ever to progress beyond our foolish partisanship. Much like Mullen’s speech at the beginning of the series, it’s a concept so dated it would be almost sweetly naïve if it were sincere. But I don’t believe it for a second. What is, I think, more likely, is that it is nothing more than a cynical ploy, whereby lip service is given to moderation while simultaneously spending six episodes showcasing (almost exclusively) the evils of “radical” right-wingers. I’d say “don’t fall for it” but it doesn’t look like anyone is really watching anyway.