Variety show host “Ziwe” Fumudoh
2,418 words
Justin Tyran Roberts has short dreadlocks, a scowling face, and a dumb tattoo between his eyebrows. The convicted felon has reportedly confessed to a shooting spree in Columbus, Georgia and Phenix City, Alabama last weekend that either involved three incidents where five white men were injured or four incidents where six white men were injured. (more…)
Vandalized mural in Buckhead, Atlanta
1,804 words
Dr. Donald Moss looks like the sort of phenotypically Caucasian person who postures as an expert on race but is so utterly clueless about race, he probably doesn’t realize that he’s the type of easy-to-spot weakling (more…)
Philadelphia’s pride flag, redesigned in 2017
1,674 words
Look at this picture. Which person looks scary to you?
On the left is 28-year-old Devon Dunham, who last week was acquitted on murder charges for a 2017 incident in Hardeeville, South Carolina. (more…)
Sasha Johnson
2,350 words
Sasha Johnson is a 27-year-old black woman who is fortunate enough to be living in England rather than the Congo but is too ungrateful to realize it. With her revolutionary sunglasses and revolutionary beret and revolutionary black power fist, she looks like someone that Hollywood nerd Quentin Tarantino would cast whenever he finally decides to do a cinematic homage to the Black Panthers sixty years too late. (more…)
An exploded RV burns on North Schmeer Road in Portland, Oregon
1,616 words
It’s a widely known fact that Lori Lightfoot, since she is married to a white woman who looks like John Kerry with tits, is the first black lesbian mayor of the Windy City. What’s not as widely known is that she earned her surname when, as a bright and inquisitive child, she noticed that the soles of her feet were lighter than the rest of her body. (more…)
Left: Rockim Prowell as captured on security footage. Right: Rockim Prowell’s mugshot.
2,527 words
Last Thursday, the US Supreme Court was scheduled to review a lawsuit by a black man who’d worked in Parkland Memorial Hospital in Dallas, Texas, claiming he’d been subjected to a hostile work environment after seeing “the N-word” carved into an elevator wall at the hospital. (more…)
February, 1963 cover of Commentary
2,303 words
Remember when Donald Trump called COVID-19 the “China virus” and openly, unequivocally, and unabashedly encouraged American blacks to stab Asians and smash them in the head with bricks? Even though he’s not the president anymore, it’s still happening! (more…)
Jessica Beauvais drinking wine from a plastic cup
1,970 words
Jessica Beauvais is a 32-year-old black New Yorker whose major accomplishments up to last week were receiving four separate citations for driving with a suspended license. (more…)
Squaw Tit Mountain postcard, from James R. Powell’s Route 66 collection, 1937.
2,005 words
Chauvin Found Guilty — But There’s More Work To Be Done, So Let’s Keep Rioting!
After being found guilty on all three counts last week, Derek Chauvin has become the nation’s white-boy-summer piñata (more…)
1,570 
words
America Braces for Mass Insomnia as Floyd Trial Wraps Up
As the Trial of the Century winds down in Ol’ Minneapolis Way, news outlets are prognosticating a vicious wave of “unrest” all across the country. (more…)
1,786 words
Tucker Carlson and the New York Times Agree About the Great Replacement
The Anti-Defamation League is a Jewish organization that exists for the sole purpose of defaming whites. Its current CEO, Jonathan Greenblatt, resembles an egg with AIDS. (more…)
G. Gordon Liddy, photographed by Paul Hosefros in 1992.
1,918 words
White Supremacists Wearing Realistic-Looking “Black Men” Masks Continue Attacking Asians
Tariq Nasheed is a prophet and a pusher, partly truth, partly fiction — a walking contradiction. He’s also the dumbest person on Twitter. (more…)
Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu greets convicted spy Johnathan Pollard upon his arrival to Israel
2,154 words
Charlottesville Mayor Writes Weird Poem About How Charlottesville Rapes You
Unless things turn around right quick and proper, the city of Charlottesville, Virginia, will be seen as the Waterloo of white identity politics for the foreseeable future. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Dysgenic, 2021.
2,211 words
The Ritual Denazification of Teen Vogue
Teen Vogue was founded in 2003 and has earned international respect as the go-to source for confused girl teens who want to learn how to have anal sex and worship Karl Marx.
But now the venerable online publication has been rocked by accusations of racism that, amusingly, extend to those who have gleefully accused others at the magazine of racism. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Too White, 2021.
2,593 words
Jew-Baiting Capitol Rioter With Ironic Hitler Mustache Finally Found!
If you’re even half-awake at this juncture in history, you’d realize that nearly all of the participants in January 6’s Capitol Stampede — or Capitol Blitzkrieg, Capitol Lynching, Capitol Hate Crime, or Kapitallnacht, whatever they’re calling it this week — would rather crawl under a rock and die than be called a “racist.” (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, School Daze, 2021.
2,228 words
Cartoon Skunk Accused of Normalizing Rape Culture
If you are familiar with the Looney Tunes cartoon character Pepé Le Pew, you’d know that he’s a lascivious skunk with a French accent who repeatedly mistakes a female cat for a female skunk and tries to date-rape her in various ways, always to no avail. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Stew Made with Heart, 2021.
1,795 words
All the Fine Black Cannibals
As a young white child growing up in a 90%-white country where white characters dominated the media, it was easy for a green saplin’ such as myself to conclude that the only two races in America were Cowboys and Injuns. I was vaguely aware of the existence of black people, but you hardly ever saw them on TV or in the movies — and if you saw them at all, half of the time they were depicted as cannibals boiling their human prey in a gigantic cauldron. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, One Way Ticket, 2021.
1,514 words
It should be obvious to any sober observer that the main problem with black people is black people.
Even though it has been mathematically established that black Americans drain more money from the public cookie jar than they contribute to it, a pesky myth persists that they are somehow being cheated out of their “fair share” of America’s massive wealth. It has become a national article of faith that any possible economic disparities between Bantus and Euros can’t possibly be explained by the fact that intelligence testing consistently confirms that, by and large, blacks are a relatively dimwitted breed. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Today’s Pressing Issues, 2021.
1,595 words
Not everyone hates the winter as much as I do — I’ve even argued that the primary impetus for European colonialism was the perfectly reasonable quest for warmer climes — but if you’re similar to me in this regard, with all due apologies to T. S. Eliot, April is not the cruelest month — February is. And apparently, a “major winter storm” will sock huge swaths of the USA this week. For me, the worst part of the year is that deep-frozen dark patch of dead somnolence between the Super Bowl and the blooming of the first tulips. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, The George Floyd Diet, 2021.
1,608 words
If I had known George Floyd, I don’t think I would have liked him.
There’s a good chance he wouldn’t have liked me, either, and if you dislike me merely for saying I would have disliked him, I’ll take an immediate dislike to you, too.
What bothers me even more than you and George Floyd, though, is that it seems as if no one is ever going to SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT GEORGE FLOYD. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, A Jew Space Laser Destroying a Forest, 2021.
1,464 words
Joe Biden, who is widely acknowledged as the first senile cyborg plagiarist with artificially whitened teeth ever to hold the US presidency, has devised a unique and exciting plan to heal and unite a deeply wounded and divided nation: He intends to persecute everyone on the other side of the aisle until they are either dead, imprisoned, or permanently frightened into silence. With no opposition, there’s no conflict!
Phil Eiger Newmann, The Libotomy, 2021.
1,176 words
I attended the last presidential inauguration because I wanted to.
Even if I had wanted to, I couldn’t have attended the weird Carnival of Masked Corpses in DC this time around because I’m man enough to admit I am no match for 25,000 National Guardsmen (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Think No Evil, 2021.
1,608 words
Watching footage from January 6th’s “Capitol Siege,” I saw oceans of American flags and Trump flags. I heard people screaming about democracy and a stolen election. I heard them chanting “Christ is King!” and “Four more years!” I saw what appeared to be a crowd composed mostly of boomers and soon-to-be-boomers yelping about how, every so often, the tree of liberty needs to be refreshed with the blood of tyrants.
Apparently I was hallucinating, because it was actually a white-power rally. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Victim Hood,
1,544 words
To be young and white in America right now is to walk through life with a black cloud hovering over your head with every word you utter and every step you take.
One major cultural shift over the past generation is that except for a few isolated hills and hollers in Appalachia and the Ozarks, there is effectively no such thing as “poor white culture” anymore. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Year of Fear, 2020.
1,580 words
In the early 1970s, English comedian Peter Cook referred to vapid Hungarian actress Zsa Zsa Gabor as “the biggest non-event of the century.”
But that was the last century. This century’s biggest non-event, despite what they’ve been ceaselessly drilling into your brain with a trillion tiny digital jackhammers, is the myth of rampaging white racism. (more…)
Sen. David Perdue (R-GA) visits the Western Wall in Jerusalem, 2017.
1,744 words
Did you ever have a nightmare where, in the midst of enduring untold agonies, you were somehow able to realize it was a dream and thus rouse yourself from sleep?
That’s not the problem these days. These days, we all wake up into a nightmare.
They warn us to be careful what we wish for, but I can’t stop wishing I was paranoid, because paranoia would be preferable to every other option. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Any Day Now, 2020.
1,899 words
Since we live in a world dominated by white men — heck, even the rock-climbing world is “dominated by white men” — it’s odd to behold how openly hostile most of this world’s major institutions are toward white men.
Our objective news media has been warning us for years about the “far Right,” which is an extreme movement that is always on the rise and always threatening to erupt into cataclysmic violence, an ever-looming possibility that all People of Color must wrestle with, (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Plague Upon Your House, 2020.
1,601 words
Can we all secretly agree that they’re all secretly conspiring to publicly drive us all insane?
With so few of us agreeing on anything — and with some of us so conflicted that half the time, we don’t even agree with ourselves (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Dancing for Dollars, 2020.
1,595 words
If white Americans kissed black America’s ass any harder, black America’s steatopygian ass would have a visible hickey — possibly even bleeding welts.
And yet the harder that white Americans try to appease blacks, blacks act less and less appeased.
While campaigning for the presidency in 2008, Barack Obama made a point of mentioning that he was black and that some people wouldn’t like the fact that he’s black. (more…)
Phil Eiger Newmann, Killjoy Was Here, 2020.
1,642 words
The nights grow long and dark and cold. I’ve often suspected that Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year’s are merely three sedatives we administer ourselves to collectively brace for the gaping black icy void in the months that follow when the sun never seems to shine and the plants refuse to grow. (more…)