Game 101
Part 2

3,696 words

Part 2 of 2 (Part 1 here)

Sinister Womanizer Secret 6: Don’t let rejection get you down

It hurts to be rebuffed, especially when it’s done with undeserved cruelty. For some guys, getting kicked in the face enough times will produce a condition called approach anxiety. (It’s aversive classical conditioning, rather like being a lab rat in a Skinner box getting shocked repeatedly.) That can make a guy freeze up during an introduction, or be afraid to walk up at all. Approach anxiety is a social phobia similar to stage fright. This will obviously have to be overcome. If not, then you’ll get left behind by guys who can pluck up the courage to introduce themselves.

Remember that you’re not standing before a goddess whose approval or disapproval will mean salvation or damnation. Instead, you’re standing before a pretty lady, and Heavenly Mother put plenty of them on Earth. If she’s so angelic that you’re freezing up, imagine her wearing curlers and a mudpack.

What happens if you get shot down hard, despite being polite and not doing anything objectively wrong? First of all, it might not be about you. Maybe she’s just having a bad day. For example, perhaps she’s normally a sweetheart, but one of her dear relatives is in the hospital. On the other hand, if you do get rejected by a sadist with a horrible attitude, or blown off by a gold digger for being unworthy, then look at it this way: You dodged a bullet. You can thank Her Ladyship for the warning, if you like!

There are some other possibilities as well. Sometimes a nasty reaction is a challenge to see what you’ll do — something that the manosphere calls a “shit test.” It’s possible to recover from situations such as that, but how to recognize them correctly and what to do about them is beyond a 101 level course. Since we’re not out to pick up conceited club coquettes, I’ll skip going into detail about how to navigate immature girl games. If Her Ladyship wants to cop an attitude, she can find out how far that’s going to get her ten years from now.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 7: There are more fish in the sea

Britney Spears – Toxic (Live from Apple Music Festival, London, 2016)

Keep in mind that most approaches are not successful. Lots of women are already in a relationship, or there’s some other reason they’re off the market. Of those who are available, you might not be their type. Perhaps she’s playing for the other team. These things happen. Sometimes you get shot down because you made a mistake; if so, put it in your mental Rolodex of what not to do in the future. For your part, try not to get discouraged. There are many other prospects out there.

Always remember that you have options. Approaches are a numbers game. It’s the same principle that a salesman shouldn’t give up because not everyone walking into the store will make a purchase. Try not to dwell on rejections; the ones who count are the ones who do close the deal. Even if you get shot down hard, don’t let it get to you — even if that’s sometimes easier said than done.

Also, cut your losses on prospects that just aren’t going anywhere. Forget all that seventeenth-century Cyrano de Bergerac business about unrequited love. It’s as pleasant as listening to Allen Ginsberg’s “poetry” while being waterboarded. If chasing someone isn’t working, then stop wasting your time. Find someone who takes you seriously. If you’re stuck in an unproductive pursuit because you feel she’s your soulmate or your “one and only,” then you’ll have to set this romantic notion aside, as difficult as it might be. She won’t seem so special once you’ve found someone who returns your affection!

There may be times when you’ll have to get out of bad relationships before they get toxic. Don’t let the fear of loneliness cloud your judgment if a relationship is clearly too dysfunctional to fix. Finally, don’t let the little head do the thinking. If your prospect has more red flags than a May Day parade in Pyongyang but you proceed anyway, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 8: Minimize the likelihood that you’ll crash and burn

In a group setting, “spammer” methods are a bad idea. In practice, this means buzzing from one prospect to another and getting swatted away repeatedly. It doesn’t work. I’ve seen it happen and it was painful to watch. Looking desperate is one of the worst things you can do. Also, women rely on each other for social cues, and you certainly don’t want to be “that guy” obviously getting spurned again and again yet going back for more punishment.

This relates to something called social proof. If you come into a venue with an attractive lady on each arm, you’ll turn some heads. On the other hand, if you receive a nasty and very obvious blowout, that’s negative social proof. Practically speaking, if you get three blowouts in a row, or if you’ve exhausted a quarter of your prospects without a glimmer of interest in return, then preserve what’s left of your dignity and bail out for another venue. Either it was an unfriendly crowd, or you made some social mistakes that you should examine. Were you attending an antifa ice cream social, and forgot that you were wearing your Pinochet shirt?

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There are some mitigation strategies to prevent a badly-received approach from turning into a severe blowout. Rule number one is, never be crude! That works as badly as liberal social engineering policies. There’s something to be said about a modest amount of audacity, but “Hey baby, how about it?” will get you sawed off at the knees. Also, acting desperate looks terrible; I can hardly emphasize that enough. Even if you feel that way, you can’t let it show.

A little ambiguity and subtlety can be helpful. Being cool and smooth is better yet — or to put it another way, upbeat and sophisticated. That one is sort of an acquired skill. Until you get the hang of it, try not to overdo things and become a greasy stereotype of what you might imagine “cool” is, or you’ll make yourself look silly. Once more, Hollywood romcoms are not reliable guides; that sort of thing works on film but not so much in real life, and she’s probably seen the movie, anyway.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 9: Approach correctly

An approach isn’t rocket science. You might wonder, what’s the best pickup line? Here you go:

Hi, how are you doing today?

Yes, it’s as simple as that. If she’s a bit far away, you can smile and wave. You haven’t risked much; judging by her reaction, you can see if she’s receptive. If she’s not, big deal; find someone else.

Note that although women don’t approach, they will sometimes drop subtle hints that they want you to open a conversation. If someone is lingering around you, bumps into you, or gives you a double take, then introduce yourself. It’s possible to misread such gestures, but still, acting on subtle hints when they arise should bring a better success rate than cold approaches.

Note that a problem similar to approach anxiety — and sometimes coinciding with it — is analysis paralysis. This is when a guy is stuck in indecision about figuring out the perfect way to open a conversation. Even the young (literally) Hitler had a bad case of it. That’s right: The guy who ordered the Ardennes Offensive and knocked it out of the ballpark once struggled tremendously with introducing himself to a pretty girl. Overthinking won’t be helpful. If you’re waiting for the perfect moment, you might miss your chance. Attractive ladies aren’t likely to stay single for long.

Also, if you’re off in a corner gazing at someone but don’t walk up and say hi, that just looks weird. One of the problems with analysis paralysis is that frequent glances, as well as eye contact lasting a fraction of a second too long, will have the same effect as using a pickup line with a Hannibal Lecter theme. The common guideline is that within three seconds, decide whether to introduce yourself or forget it.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 10: Make interesting conversation

When you’re finally talking to someone you like, what then? You might start with normal chit-chat, such as discussing the venue you’re at. (“That’s an awesome band, isn’t it? I haven’t heard klezmer like this since my trip to Tel Aviv.”) When asking questions, try for open-ended ones rather than those likely to get one-word answers. Keep the conversation interesting. Sure, you could talk about the weather, but there are plenty of other topics more evocative than that. Resist the temptation to discuss nerdy stuff, or show off your encyclopedic knowledge of Evola and Guénon. I’ve had to struggle with sperging out during conversations, and I learned to be more relatable.

As you’re talking, you’ll have to figure out how she’s responding. That is, you’ll have to look for what are called “indicators of interest” and “indicators of disinterest” (IOIs and IODs) in the biz. For instance, if she’s gazing intently and hanging onto every word of yours, that’s a good sign. If she’s talking in single syllables, or you get an eye-roll, then you’d better fix anything you’re doing wrong. Tough it out and hang in there for a couple of minutes. If the conversation doesn’t hook by then, you can thank her for your time and eject.

I can hear it already: “But I’m a sperg and find it difficult to read facial expressions and body language.” If so, this would be a great opportunity to study some books and videos on the topic. Never say “never.” It’s not like you were born with the ability to do advanced algebra, right?

Really, breaking the ice and making witty conversation is the greater part of seduction. That’s right: Being a good conversationalist is the number one tactic of awful womanizers such as me. Being able to do that is preferable to relying on gimmicks such as pickup lines and canned routines. So what to talk about, then? Discuss some cool and exciting stuff. Fun adventures are good conversation material. You can ask about her plans for her future, her dream vacation, what she’d do if she won the lottery, etc.

At this point, if she likes you and she’s available, then you’re pretty much golden so long as you follow through correctly and don’t make mistakes. At some point, you’ll have to turn up the heat a bit. As the man, it’s on you to escalate, just as it’s on you to approach. You can tell her that you find her charming and you’d like to take her out on a date sometime. Suggestive but relatively tasteful banter is okay. You don’t want to put off the warm-up for too long. If weeks go by and you haven’t made a move, you’ve lost momentum and the window of opportunity may have closed. Don’t let the embers of attraction die out.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 11: Abide these rules while you’re getting to know someone

I’ve noticed a lot of bad game over the years. That just doesn’t work. Most importantly, don’t act like a horn dog, even if you feel that way. Don’t act needy or desperate; it’s hard to stress that enough. Don’t kiss up to her. Even if you genuinely experience love at first sight, you’d better not let it show! Declaring your love to someone you just met won’t work. Women would generally much prefer a guy who’s somewhat of a challenge and perhaps a bit mysterious over someone kissing her feet. A pretty lady will always have guys falling all over themselves for her attention and showering her with validation. Be different.

Don’t discuss a prospect’s exes, or worse, her present suitors. There are some who will encounter a guy who’s obviously interested, yet try to enlist his help regarding some other dude. That’s very bad manners; worse than buttonholing an attorney at a party for free legal advice. (Women aren’t stupid; not only do they tend to be pretty socially aware, they’ve had years of experience in knowing when guys are attracted to them.) Should that happen, tell her that you’re not interested in discussing the competition. If she persists and wants you to be her dating coach or therapist, she can pay your fee of a hundred bucks an hour; feel free to quote me on that.

Likewise, it’s best not to discuss your own exes in much detail, or (if applicable) lack of experience. If you must say something about your exes, keep it positive. Even if it’s objectively true that your former girlfriend was a bunny boiling demon from hell and you were an innocent party, someone you’re just getting to know doesn’t need to hear all that. She might wonder if you’ll one day describe her in the same way.

Other than that, don’t be a complainer in general. Griping is a turnoff for anyone. Your own attitude will do much to determine how the conversation will go. If you’re a wet blanket, you’re shooting yourself in the foot. If you’re not feeling the joy, you’ll either have to method-act it or find a way to put yourself in a better mood before going out on the town.

If she gives you an abuse story early on, such as on the first or second date, consider that to be a red flag. (Look at it this way: If you had the misfortune of being Father Badtouch’s favorite altar boy, would you use that story as first date discussion material?) Most unfortunately, terrible things can happen to people through no fault of their own, but that’s generally not information that someone will disclose right away. Someone who does so very early on either has a dysfunctional set of boundaries, or might be pushing your buttons for sympathy. Worse, will she one day tell some other dude about her former relationship with you, grossly distorting events to make you seem a monster?

Sinister Womanizer Secret 12: Strike while the iron is hot

Even if you hit it off great when you first met, the attraction will fade away if you don’t maintain it. At an early stage romance is rather like building a fire, and it has to be nurtured carefully. This has been a major sticking point with me. Back when I was doing online dating, I’d have lots of promising discussions that trailed off into nowhere and fizzled out. You’d see the same thing if you looked at my e-mail from long ago. I have lots of contacts who I don’t even remember, since nothing came of it.

If you do hit it off with someone, get a phone number. (Making contact via social media is also workable, though that makes it more likely to get lost in the shuffle.) You don’t have to follow up the next day, but if not, try to call the day after to arrange another meetup. Hopefully neither of you is a weirdo who only sends text messages. Kids these days! It’s very difficult to keep a text conversation from trailing off into oblivion eventually, but if you can make it work, you’re a superstar.

Then there are times when you’ll get no reply for no discernable reason. Ghosting someone without just cause is obnoxious behavior, but it happens. After your first unanswered message, send only two more. For the final one, recap that you had a fun time the last time you met, but that this will be your last message if she doesn’t get back to you. Note that if you disregard this and blow up her phone, it makes you look like a stalker, and she’ll feel that her obnoxious behavior was justified.

Sinister Womanizer Secret 13: Don’t get exploited

Britney Spears – Oops!… I Did It Again (Live from Apple Music Festival, London, 2016)

Never, ever “loan” any money! The penalty is that she’ll lose attraction, seeing you as a utility object rather than a potential romantic partner. That means a one-way ticket to the Friend Zone, where you cover her overdrafts while she cries on your shoulder about yet another asshole from the methadone clinic who pumped and dumped her. (You’re neither her banker nor her psychiatrist! Also, remember the rule about not discussing your competition.) Don’t make “loans” even if you’re going steady; if she leaves you, she’ll believe that this nullifies any responsibility to pay you back. I’ve met enough financially scrupulous people in the world to count on one hand and still have a finger left over to give my opinion of the rest. Making loans is only okay when you’re married, because if you get divorced, you’re getting shafted, anyway.

Moreover, be careful about doing extravagant favors. For one thing, in the early stages you don’t want to invest appreciably more into a potential relationship than she has. (This may sound counterintuitive, but trust me; it’s necessary if you’re going to get taken seriously.) In other words, there should be reciprocity of commitment. The rule here is that girlfriend privileges are for girlfriends only. Note also that passionate kisses alone don’t qualify her as a girlfriend entitled to special favors. (I’ve gotten burnt with that; long story.) Basically, don’t give up the farm.

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What happens if you’re asked to help her move for free, free tech support, free auto repair, free plumbing, free drywall patching, free psychiatry, free VLSI lithography, and so forth? If you need a guide as to whether you should perform some favor or another for a potential love interest, ask yourself this: Is it something you’d do for one of your male friends? Also, there should be reciprocation, or else you’re an unpaid errand boy. If you were always there for a friend but he was never there for you, of course you’d set some boundaries.

The reason for these rules is to avoid becoming an “orbiter” — a utility object who takes on a provider role but gets strung along indefinitely. It means you supply goodies such as money, emotional support, labor, and all the other non-sexual benefits of a committed relationship, and meanwhile she goes to bed with random hominids picked up at the parole office. Being an orbiter doesn’t put you next in line as flavor-of-the-month, any more than wiring money to a Nigerian prince will get you any closer to the imaginary $25 million His Royal Highness wants to share with you. Also, if you hear verbiage such as “You’re my best friennnnd,” or “I wish I could find someone just like you” [but who isn’t you], and especially “You’re like the brother I never had,” then your goose is probably cooked already.

Obviously the orbiter dynamic is exploitative and wastes time and resources that could go toward developing productive relationships. If you recognize that you’re in such a situation, then for the sake of your reputation and peace of mind, it’s best to distance yourself gradually and with no fanfare. You might be tempted to tell her to quit playing games and make up her mind, or maybe rebuke her for leading you on. But calling out such manipulators for their misbehavior commonly makes them get very indignant, cause drama, and even start playing the victim. Borderline personality disorder cases, who are notorious for this scam, can become especially vindictive.

I fear that all this will seem rather negative, but there’s no way to sugarcoat it. Most women don’t tantalize men to extract their resources, of course, but be on guard. According to old-fashioned dating advice, being attentive and doing favors is how to get noticed, but these days, prematurely investing in a relationship without reciprocal commitment is counterproductive. Those who suffer from overwrought chivalry are at an elevated risk; unlearn that if it applies to you. Also, it’s technically possible that a friend zone situation could result from crossed wires. That’s all the more reason to make it clear your intentions don’t involve becoming her best buddy. Still, like I said before, women aren’t stupid. They know what it means when guys shower them with favors — but they’re not really impressed with the pipeline of free goodies, anyway!

Sinister Womanizer Secret 14: Be a man

Britney Spears – I'm a Slave 4 U (Live from Apple Music Festival, London, 2016)

To be taken seriously, you’ll need to act masculine. This means exhibiting leadership qualities such as being decisive, bold, and assertive (within reason). I don’t mean macho stereotypes like yelling for another beer while you’re sitting on your butt watching sportsball. Rather, leadership qualities can manifest in many ways. For one common example, if she asks you where you’d like to go to dinner, come up with an answer rather than asking what she wants to do. Not even feminists really want a guy who is wishy-washy or subservient. In a relationship, there will be times you’ll have to remind her gently that Mussolini is always right. And speaking of (literal) Mussolini, he had something inspiring words here:

Fascism wants man to be active and to engage in action with all his energies; it wants him to be manfully aware of the difficulties besetting him and ready to face them. It conceives of life as a struggle in which it behooves a man to win for himself a really worthy place, first of all by fitting himself (physically, morally, intellectually) to become the implement required for winning it. As for the individual, so for the nation, and so for mankind.

Other than behavior, the overwhelming majority of women are attracted to masculine appearances. Thus, despite what your gender studies professor taught you (or kindergarten teacher, if you’re Generation Z), the soyboy/NuMale stuff won’t get you anywhere. Oh, and did I mention to hit the gym? Being in shape has other benefits, too, such as health, physical confidence, personal safety, and being able to defend yourself against little green men from Mars if they show up in their saucers to invade your neighborhood.

Go out there, find Miss Right, and get to procreating lots of Krishna-conscious children.