1,629 words
It was tempting for me to write off this opinion piece from Elle as lightweight, semi-feminist pap. That, of course, was my first thought, judging from its precious and angst-ridden title: “There’s Nothing Effortless About Being A Woman — And I’m Done Pretending Otherwise.” Not surprisingly, reading the article did reinforce this impression. However, I don’t believe we should write it off entirely because the author, one Amy S. Choi, whether she realizes it or not, touches upon fundamental truths about women, beauty, and race.
Choi begins by lamenting the effort it takes for her to keep up the sham of being “effortless.” That is, achieving a kind of feminine beauty and grace without making it seem as if she had worked hard to achieve either. It’s not enough to pretty; it seems one must make it look easy as well. After disclosing the indecent details of her biannual spa visit in Manhattan’s Koreatown, Choi chronicles her nightly ritual in the bathroom:
This is just the beginning. This is so I can then go to the multitude of beauty stores on Thirty-Second Street and literally buy snail smegma to smear on my face every night, after washing my face twice with two different kinds of rice oils, toning, then adding some sort of ginseng brightening serum, then slapping on a collagen cream.
She then provides a long list of all of her cleansers, oils, de-oilers, whiteners, and other no-doubt highly overpriced concoctions in her medicine cabinet before bringing home her article’s ironic motif:
Why? The key is to be only imperfect enough to be charming, so that I can say, “Oh, I don’t really wear makeup. I’m pretty low maintenance.” So I can be the kind of lady that is effortless.
Yes, this sort of thing has been expressed before. Yes, this article is meandering and undisciplined. Yes, it reeks of estrogen. Yes, these are first-world problems expressed by a seemingly affluent and solipsistic first-world woman. Choi, however, makes it interesting when she generously salts a few autobiographical details with gratuitous profanity and reveals how she’s been haunted by this specter of effortlessness her whole life. It has a lot to do with three facets of her as a woman. She’s not terribly pretty (by her account), she’s obsessively body-conscious (by my account), and she is of Korean descent. These three elements seem to have created a perfect storm of torment in this young woman’s mind which forces her to agonize over whether she’ll shape her eyebrows with a pencil, a brush, or a microblade every morning.
About her 1980s childhood in the “verrrry white Midwest,” Choi writes:
I absorbed it all: the need to succeed and the internalized judgment of how we did so; the love of who we were and the not-wanting-to-be-weird-in-front-of-white-people; the need for the linguistic cues of my Americanness to appear effortless, to show that it was natural to me, even though English was my second language. Internalized white supremacy is a real trip, lemme tell you.
So here we are. I am basically programmed to be wildly, savagely proud, and also always a little bit ashamed. I am groomed to always cultivate the appearance that I belong here, that I am beautiful, and that this is how I was born to be. That this is all effortless.
I AM LIVING A LIE AND I AM SO TIRED.
This is a profoundly unhappy woman who seems only a fraction as honest in real life as she is with the Elle readership. It seems to me that part of her trouble stems from growing up as a racial minority among people who are, in effect, genetic strangers. Of course, this makes balancing identity with assimilation extremely awkward. Of course, a young body-conscious girl is going to develop hang-ups in such a situation. It’s tough enough just being a regular kid. But because her parents decided to (or were forced to) uproot themselves from their ancestral homeland and set out for the West, young Amy Choi had to deal with an additional, and I am sure quite heavy, burden: living up to the unmatched standards of white feminine beauty.
Choi’s comment about “internalized white supremacy” is quite telling. Judging from looks only, white women are, on average, the most beautiful, the most attractive, and the most desirable women in the world. This fact is obvious to anyone with a pair of eyes, and one day it will be scientifically proven if it hasn’t been already. This is not to say that beautiful non-white women don’t exist. Of course, they do. But there are fewer of them, and they are always held up to the standards set by white women. This is one reason why non-white immigration is a lose-lose proposition for white men. It forces white men to compete with non-white men for the attention of white women while finding the charms of non-white women far less enticing in comparison.
You can buy Spencer Quinn’s novel White Like You here
It’s the ugly truth behind beauty. But is it racist to say so? Well, is it racist to state that East Asians are the best at math or that Sub-Saharan Africans make the best sprinters or that Jews produce brilliant classical violinists? [1] If not, then why would it be racist to state the obvious connection between white women and beauty? It would seem that denying this obvious connection — or, better yet, attempting to refute it with an apothecary’s worth of beauty aids in your bathroom every night — would take a lot of effort.
Choi seems to realize this too, and is so wrapped up in anguish that she lets her grammar go a little bit and forgets to put a question mark at the end of a question:
How much more useful, how much more joyful, how much easier to actually be truthful, to celebrate our efforts, to create communities around our desires and not fucking live with the shame that the desire for effortlessness brings, for women, and for immigrants, and for people of color who may never fit into a white, Westernized standard of beauty.
Well, this is because the “white, Westernized standard of beauty” is real. It is objective, and it is powerful. I feel it when I am in the presence of beautiful white women. If standards like these were fake, would women like Choi even take them seriously? Would they obsess over them to the point of becoming miserable despite living in an affluent country? [2] Better yet, do white scientists sweat bullets over the prospect of living up to black standards of scientific accomplishment? No, because black standards of scientific accomplishment, like non-white standards of beauty, are in fact lower than their white counterparts. [3] To say otherwise would be a lie — and we all know how Amy Choi feels about lying.
But it’s not just about beauty for Choi. She makes it clear that it is also about fitting in. Young girls of Polish or German or Italian or Norwegian descent don’t have to worry about “internalized white supremacy.” They are already white. They have a head start when it comes to fitting in. It’s only natural. But for an outsider like Choi, fitting in takes — again, that word — effort. Lots and lots of effort.
I am groomed to always cultivate the appearance that I belong here, that I am beautiful, and that this is how I was born to be.
Sadder words have hardly been written. I am reminded of Vox Day’s dictum that Social Justice Warriors always project. Amy Choi is projecting here — or, really, is quite admirably stepping outside of herself to reveal the bogus image of herself that she projects onto others every day. As such, with everything she writes above, the exact opposite is true: She doesn’t belong in the West. She isn’t beautiful. And no, being a beauty-obsessed, hard-swearing, self-absorbed, would-be it girl is not whom she was born to be.
Amy Choi says she’s done pretending. For her sake, let’s hope so. But let’s also hope that once the pretense is all gone, she’ll realize that multiculturalism is in large part to blame for her misery. If it had been possible for her parents to have never left East Asia, most likely she would have grown up in a place where fitting in would have been easier and living up to unreasonable and alien standards of beauty wouldn’t have entered her impressionable mind until after she was mature enough to deal with such pressures.
And then she could have put all her effort into what really matters in life: being happy and honest with oneself.
Notes
[1] I know we don’t often praise the accomplishments of Jews on this site, but I never knew what Brahms’ Violin Concerto was supposed to sound like until I heard Jascha Heifetz’s 1959 recording of it with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, Fritz Reiner conducting.
[2] Here is Choi’s hyperbolic description of her own misery:
Because, of course, I am relaxed about literally nothing. I am effortful about everything, and it extends far, far beyond trying to be pretty. Wait — I was relaxed about potty training my kids, maybe? No, my husband and I were just too overwhelmed with having two kids under three years old that we essentially forgot to potty train, and they did it themselves. The truth is, we were drowning.
[3] In an interesting and amusing reversal, I’m told that in the world of jazz, white musicians sometimes do become anxious when attempting to live up to the high standards of black accomplishment. I’m reminded of a story in which two white jazz musicians were jamming. When one says to the other, “Hold on. You’re not doing that right,” the other responded peevishly, “And how the hell would you know?”
33 comments
I am going to take issue with the concept that white women are, as you said, on average, the most desirable women. Absolutely from the eyes of a western white man, even one who is around abundant diversity, it is hardly subjective to say that *our* women are the most beautiful. The problem is that westernized, European ideals of beauty have more or less been forced (via the legacy of colonialism and the modern conduit of globalization) on POC. (Even in nonwestern countries like Japan who we conquered after WW2).
I dare say, however, that less tainted cultures like that of China do not have the same level of fetishization of white women. Maybe I’m wrong. But I can tell you that I spent a year of my life in Korea, and I did not find that Korean men displayed a particularly strong affinity for white women over their own women. Most likely because white women are few and far between, but also because American and European cultures have not been so aggressively imposed upon Koreans.
In America, where we have New Babylon levels of diversity, we still have a legacy of Eurocentric dominance in pop culture and media. The entire thrust of the 20th century was that POC had to aspire to white beauty standards in order to stand out or sell themselves. It has only been in the last 10-15 years that less “white presenting” women have been elevated into the mainstream. But there has been a cost to this. Many white women are having an identity crisis where their own beauty esteem is concerned. Thats why butt implants and other more “Africanized” beauty markers are being sought out by white women, and why so many white women fetishize mulatto children who have features from both races.
Where am I going with this? I believe this is a perfect example of why forced diversity is so damaging. I believe it is extremely sad that so many black men eschew their own mothers, sisters, cousins, and extended community to seek out white women. And given that black women are hurt by this, I feel particularly sorry that the black women who might find white men attractive are less likely to find white men who reciprocate that sentiment (though of course there are some who do). This is not to say that I approve of miscegenation in ANY case. I simply do not appreciate the imbalance and the psychological damage that this has done to both races.
Ultimately it is white men and black women who are most harmed. White men should not have to compete with black men for the attention of white women, nor should black women have to worry about white women stealing their best men.
Just today I saw a TMZ article about the ex NFL sportsball player Micheal Strahan accusing his (of course) attractive (AWFL) white gold digger ex wife of abusing their 2 mulatto daughters. Totally disgusting, but this is par for the course. OJ Simpson taught us nothing.
Anyway. This turned out to be a much longer post than it needed to be. I just feel like if black men were not raised from childhood seeing white Supermodels and white actresses and white porn stars everywhere they turned, they’d almost certainly be more ethnocentric where sex is concerned.
Speaking of this recent new piece about Strahan, the story behind their “fairy tale” romance and divorce is typical:
https://liverampup.com/entertainment/jean-muggli-now-divorce-relationship-dating-daughters.html
Yes, she’s your typical Manhattan “sex in the city” AWFL who “lucked up” into a marriage with a famous NFL athlete and walked away with a handsome purse after the subsequent abuse and divorce.
John Wilkinson,
The point you are making of white women with black men in american society , can be said about white men with asian women. There is large percentage of white males with asian women producing hapa ( white/asian) childeren left and right. Asian men are competing with white males to have acces to asian women in alot western countries. There is also large growing nummber of Asian women and black men which has added up to Asian men competing for asian women.
There is large fetishising of Asian women by many white men across the western world from the Usa, Canada, Uk, Australia, New zealand, Germany etc. In part due to whole ”weebo” fase for anime, manga, hentai and interacial porn of white males with asian women. Concerning white men with black women the percentage is low as alot white men dont find black women attractive ( a few in betweens yes, but mos do not).
However, the amount of white women finding black men attarctive is much much much higher based on my astuste observation . This is als due to the idea i think that white men, black men, multiracial men in general are seen as more handsome and attractive to women globally compared to men of East Asian-Mongloid, Arab, South Asian-Indo aryan, Native indegenous, Polynesian backgrounds over all. As forementioned there also many Asian, Arab, Latina women who find black men very attractive aswell as white men etc. ( i am speaking of men who look very good) because men of every race have handsome and non-handsome individuals.
It’s a given that most East asian women dont find themself attractive, due the idea that slanty eyes, less feminine body structure (which east asian women tend to have alot) short height are seen as inferiour to white women, black women, latina women, arab women etc who all tend do have a more appealing and vuloptious body structures comapared to asian women. Hence, why many westernized asian women choose white men, and other-non-white men as partners because procreating with other east asian men (means producing geneticaly asian childeren) the women are running away from. Hapa childeren are really adored in westernized asian community because they have less ”mongloid” features and the lesser the better in asian women eyes. The self hate among asian women is also internalized by half white/asian childeren like Rodger Elliot known as the supreme gentleman who hated his asian side and praised his whitness.
None of what you posted disagrees with my assertion that idealization of femininity are derived from western beauty standards which have been imposed on POC through generations of colonialism and Hollywood media idealizations.
Even the white male fetishization of Asian women is mostly derived from the 50s ideal of a subservient housewife. I challenge you to find many white men, however, who have Asian wives that dress in traditional Asian garb and wear their makeup in traditional Asian fashion. Most of these women wear the same fashion styles and hair styles that their western counterparts wear, and are very Americanized.
Also, this fetishization of Asian women is more consequential than anything else. If white women hadn’t been so corrupted by feminism the last 50 years, the Weebo phenomenon would not be a thing.
People naturally find their OWN kind most attractive. This miscegenation thing is becoming more common only due to social pressures, not natural inclinations or innate preferences
Also, this fetishization of Asian women is more consequential than anything else. If white women hadn’t been so corrupted by feminism the last 50 years, the Weebo phenomenon would not be a thing.
Women race mix. –> Women’s fault.
Men race mix. –> Also women’s fault.
Contrary to conventional dissident right wisdom, Asian women are more likely to identify as feminist than White women, and less likely to explicitly reject feminist identity. This will come as no surprise to anyone who understands the preoccupation with wealth and status among Asians.
https://miro.medium.com/max/2576/1*wF61fnUU-XiV7Wxpd3ZPRQ.png
No I didn’t say it was “women’s fault”.
I said it was due to feminism. Feminism is the exact opposite of women and certainly has nothing to do with femininity. Feminism serves to de-gender both sexes and take away our reasons to need each other. Those Weebos who seek out Asian women are just as bad as the feminist women who drive them to do it. Most of them are fat and effete. Lacking any motivation in life. No longer compelled by their survival instincts to procreate and feed a family. Decadent, fat, lazy, entitled. Disgusting.
Those Weebos who seek out Asian women are just as bad as the feminist women who drive them to do it.
Doubling down, I see.
“explicitly reject”
So they dislike feminist enough not to identify as one but don’t enoght to openly reject feminist. Sound good.
“explicitly reject”
So they dislike feminist enough not to identify as one but don’t enoght to openly reject feminist. Sound good.
If someone would tell them what the word means, they might have some basis on which to determine whether they consider themselves one or not. I’ve been asking for some sort of clarification on the meaning of this word for years, and still haven’t gotten one.
I have a feeling that it is the very ambiguity of the word that makes women shy away from it.
That inter racial coupling as been pushed into the american consciousness for decades in advance of it occurring in significant numbers is purely coincidental i presume ?…Monkey see , monkey do…
Not sure which year you were in Korea or which part of Korea. But from my experiences, many asian men in asian countries acknowledge the superior beauty of European women. They just know that they don’t have a good chance.
And it is even more obvious in asian men in western countries.
I don’t think you should base your standards of beauty on American pop culture.
Ultimately it is white men and black women who are most harmed.
White men do fine. In fact, they are the most desired race by every group except black women, who (like White women) prefer their own men. Unless online dating statistics are unrepresentative, it is Asian men and black women who are most harmed, with White women not being particularly privileged in the dating market.
https://qz.com/149342/the-uncomfortable-racial-preferences-revealed-by-online-dating/
If I were a Korean guy, I’d probably find the lady who wrote that to be pretty charming just the way that she is. It’s natural for people to prefer their own kind. There would be fewer exceptions if not for all the propaganda, especially these days. It’s blatantly obvious how it’s being artificially promoted, and not too difficult to see who is promoting it.
What about the idea that people naturally DO find their own kind the most attractive, but that there ARE also universal beauty standards?
As for your China example I hate to break it to you but there are plenty of Chinese men 2hom buy up Eastern European women for wives or reproduction. There are also plenty of European women as sex workers/strippers in China and all over Asia – its just not mentioned in Western media nor is it discussed openly.
The argument of Westernized beauty has some merit but is mostly garbage. There are universal beauty standards. This woman complaining is simply ugly.
Just saw her avatar in Elle, she’s hideous. An incredibly strong jawline for a woman (and lantern jaw), an incredibly long and gaunt face, tiny eyes, and a big nose.
She’s simply ugly by any standard and seeks to blame European women and beauty as the all-too-common scapegoat.
Korean and Asian beauty standards are becoming even more selective than Western countries (especially if you count the modern (((Western))) standard obese Victorias Secret models etc.)
Stringent beauty standards and the importance of beauty (as seen growing in Asia and falling in the West) may also be markers of healthy growing societies, cultures, and countries. It reflects hard work and standards in society as well as positivity in culture. I forget where I read that but seems quite possible to me.
“I dare say, however, that less tainted cultures like that of China do not have the same level of fetishization of white women. Maybe I’m wrong.”
You are wrong. Besides having a large sex worker population from eastern Europe, China has an obsession with white women in their advertising. Lovely Phenotypes is correct about rich Chinese men buying Eastern European women for reproduction. It is actively encouraged by their state media for their men to seek out white women.
Also, I completely agree with Lovely Phenotypes take. The girl is just ugly and beauty standards in Asia are very strict. It has become so strict for women that being a good height has become important.
Lexi is right about race-mixing, John. White women should be criticized on other things, but they are not responsible for degenerated white men. Race-mixing is a side-effect of a deracinated and degenerated race. Most of these men have no positive sense of their racially identity and they attach themselves to Asian culture because it is permitted, but they also see it as superior which the fetishization of the other has been something pushed by our elites not our women.
Also, in defense of anime, there is a lot of degenerate stuff, but there is highquality dareIsay “based” stuff in there. Beastars is entirely about race and it is fantastically written. Ascendance of a bookworm is a great show for kids with very positive traditionalist themes. Those two I highly recommend for people who just think that it is all degenerate, neck-beard, weeaboo crap.
Two essays about whiney Korean females. Hmm. The emergence of a new genre? One addressing the Korean Female Question?
Beautiful women may not evenly be distributed across human populations, but contrary to popular wisdom, the standard of what constitutes beauty is universal.
It is innate and simply a proxy for immune and reproductive fitness. No quantity of Korean beauty products will transmogrify a Plain Jane into Helen of Troy — and scolding the ‘Patriarchy’ won’t work either.
“But let’s also hope that once the pretense is all gone, she’ll realize that multiculturalism is in large part to blame for her misery. ”
Oh, don’t we wish this could happen.
In reality, as seen in the quote you provided, she demands *better* and *more* multiculturalism as a remedy for her problems. She demands less white-centrism and white racism, and parallel communities of POC as the solution for her problems.
Their rage at whites grows all the time; we are blamed for things we have done (having so many white people on TV pre- 2010) and things we didn’t do (make her go to spas and use so many facial creams).
The result is increased confidence, aggression, and sense of righteousness among non-whites, and increased self-loathing among whites. It is a psychological war. I want out.
Amy S. Chou would be just as unhappy and considered just as unattractive had she remained in Korea. The one thing she has here over her native land is a ready made scapegoat.
Unattractive Asian female complain about white beauty standards, attractive ones about being sexualized by the Orientalist gaze. Lose/lose.
I note that today’s animations – “Frozen” say – always have their heroines depicted with round, wide-open eyes. Even Japanese anime girls display the same feature.
That suggests a common acceptance of the idea that the epicanthic fold is not so appealing.
Certainly living in NYC isn’t helping?
A wildly unhealthy place – for not only the soul, but also the mind and body.
No, my husband and I were just too overwhelmed with having two kids under three years old that we essentially forgot to potty train, and they did it themselves.
Wow. She’s a shitty mom too…
No, my husband and I were just too overwhelmed with having two kids under three years old that we essentially forgot to potty train, and they did it themselves.
Wow. She’s a shitty mom too…
The trouble with statements like this is that you have now called all women whose children weren’t potty trained by three “shitty moms”, probably without having the slightest idea what you’re talking about. How many kids do you have?
Lol! Shitty mum detected!
In fairness maybe her kids have learning disabilities
speaking of eyes…. has she had her ‘lid crease surgery’? i couldn’t pay attention long enough to suss that? interesting to note, that non- first quality silk generates so much navel debris…….*shark*
Thank you, Spencer, for yet another thought-provoking piece.
I was also curious to see the face behind the article and yes “Amy” is not beautiful and is very embarassingly resentful about it. Her words scream envy and anger at the inanemate “Western beauty standards”.
I think it all comes down to one’s self-worth and inferiority complexes.
I have brown hair and green eyes and have always been attracted to the same “colours” be the male of Irish, Italian or Slavic ancestry. My husbands got brown hair and green eyes. Lol. Maybe I’m just vain.
But look at famous beautiful couples: Tom Brady and Giselle, Brad Pitt and Angelina or Jennifer Aniston… They all look very symmetrically similar.
Xenophilia is definitely being promoted but I think it only works on people, especially women with low self-esteem.
The only, objective, “objective” perspective on the matter, so to speak, is to acknowledge that there is, in fact, ultimately, an objective standard of beauty, and that there are also subjective standards of beauty, as well, and that they both work together to produce what will ultimately become any particular group’s, or individual’s, final applied standard of beauty, which means that that standard of beauty will still ultimately be subjective, and not objective, even if it is in large part simply composed of the objective standard itself. Moreover, consider that the only rational basis for an objective standard of beauty’s existence at all is, ultimately, survival. Therefore, objective beauty, male or female, is simply the universal affinity toward characteristics that increase anybody’s ability to survive, regardless of demographic, healthy universal human characteristics. Each race requires these characteristics to survive equally, therefore each race must be endowed with them equally. Objectively whites aren’t any more endowed with them than any other race, therefore, objectively, whites aren’t any more “really” attractive than any other race. Groups’ subjective standards are related to characteristics that help only them survive as a result of their unique evolutionary environment. Not every component of a standard need simply be biologically determined, really, not one does. The entirety of the objective standard, or even any subjective standard, could, potentially, simply be intellectualized, and parts of a subjective standard could even potentially simply be arbitrated. An objective standard exists , but I don’t think it’s the standard presently being applied by the West. What’s more, non-whites seem even more infatuated with it than whites right now, still, I think each ultimately prefers his own. I’ve spent almost my entire life living within a black local majority, and it never looked to me like they ever actually preferred whites over other blacks sexually, male or female, young or old, they either preferred other blacks or were generally indifferent, like many whites also were.
White women are definitely the most beautiful!
Just look at cultures all over the world: women with lighter skin even among other races were considered more beautiful, often they used make-up or other means to lighten their skin, in modern times eyelid surgery to make the eyes appear more white-like is still fairly popular in East Asia, and the list goes on.
And it’s true that without multiculturalism many people of different races would fit in much easier, because they would be living among their kin, wherever in the world it might be.
Asian guys have it a lot worse. Their own women often prefer white guys.
White women are the most feminine because women have more gray matter in their brains and whites have more gray matter than blacks or Asians. Young people have more gray matter too, and it makes sense because women are more neotenous or child-like in their appearence. Men typically find 20 year old girls to be the most atteactive on anonymous surveys, but they lie in social settings because they want to please their wives and girlfriends who are older than that. If truth be told, 20 year old white girls have the best chance of being attractive, and it is tough for an older Asian lady to live up to that standard.
Not exceeding age 20 is a million times more effective in being attractive than all the make-up, creams, lotions, supplements, etc. No amount of brainwashing men will make them revert to preferring age 30 over age 20. Young women need to be told this. It is better to offend the older ones who drank the kool aid and protect the younger ones from believing the lie that 30 is the new 20. Thid will induce them to socialize more when young and find a guy rather than forfeit their potential.
I always thought 20 was the most attractive age too, though I’m 35 and I haven’t actually started getting wrinkles so I feel that I’d probably still look not much different to when I did when I was 20 if I hadn’t put on weight, which of course is something that is technically avoidable…
Comments are closed.
If you have a Subscriber access,
simply login first to see your comment auto-approved.
Note on comments privacy & moderation
Your email is never published nor shared.
Comments are moderated. If you don't see your comment, please be patient. If approved, it will appear here soon. Do not post your comment a second time.