Author: J. J. Przybylski

2,701 words

A Perfectly Neutral Auschwitz

I heard the enemy dinner-call. So I walked to UPenn for a talk on Cultured Meat. Having apprenticed in my dad’s butcher shop, I don’t relate to clinically strained beef. I have natural tastes. True flavors.

If, under siege in the Techno-Apocalypse, I was cannibalized by starving pals? The sorry chef would eulogize. (more…)

1,626 words

I’m old. I’m grey as December. I’m thinking about moving to a Senior Citizen’s Home that sits near the Liberty Bell and Independence Mall. (more…)

Detroit

2,875 words

The following is the text of a talk that was delivered at The New York Forum on January 28, 2017.

I might as well blab about outlaw fraternity. I know a thing or two about outlaw fraternity from running with the white boys in Detroit, pre-crack epidemic through post-crack epidemic. I ran in stride with Ferretti, (more…)

1,042 words

Well. Well. We now have a so-called Nazi president. During the campaign, I got two mad e-mails from a young Italian gigolo pal spanking me for being a Trump supporter. I soon confessed to working the phones at the local Trump Office. Then, when I got promoted, I further confessed to being Media Spokesman at Trump HQS in Philly. That’s right. By the time the election was over, I was Minister of Information at Trump’s fort and brain-trust in the heart of Hillary Country.  (more…)

1,290 words

Trump. Samson Option. PsyOps Bullshit.

I’m in a coffee shop down the street from the Red Cross shelter where I slept for 5 weeks after the Great Rooming House Fire of 2011. One year later I got cancer of the brain. I mean cancer of the anus.

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1,912 words

Last night I ushered at the local Shakespeare Theater. I had to look the part. So I bought shoe polish at the dollar store, lathered my loafers three (3) times, and glossed my footing. Meanwhile, I discovered the secret of Chinese shoe shine exporters: mix dog shit and lard, slip it in a tin, seal it with a Royal English label.  (more…)

3,852 words

Sunday 9/4/2015

Tonight I went to the Cathedral of Saints Peter and Paul. Three weeks before the Pope’s visit and already electric with excitement.

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2,530 words

Gordie Howe

Editor’s Note:

We are publishing the following piece on implicit whiteness in the Hockey Imperium to coincide with the Stanley Cup Finals.

The Landmark Deal

I had true modest heroes, well suited for a good life.  (more…)