1,416 words
This is a rush-job article regarding an alleged event that technically happened outside of last week’s temporal constraints.
I’d been fixin’ to do a deep dive into the long processes of political, economic, and demographic changes that turned Springfield, OH—which during last week’s presidential debate became Ground Zero for accusations about Haitian migrants eating house pets—into a dilapidated, deindustrialized dumping ground for Haitians, but then on late Sunday afternoon my wife told me she heard on the news that there’d been another purported assassination attempt on Donald Trump. Thankfully, Honorary Friend of Counter-Currents Gaddius Maximus, who’s also a natural-born Buckeye, had already posted a great mini-travelogue on X about his recent day trip to Springfield.
I’m also banging this out as a personal test of my willpower and mental clarity to see how quickly I could cobble together a coherent account of breaking news that won’t make me look sloppy or like a complete fool a week from now. I do all this in the vain hope that you will applaud me for my bounteous humility and valiant efforts to be judicial.
Strap yourself in…
When I typed in “trump golf club event september 15” on ChatGPT this morning, it spat back this at me:
On September 15, 2024, there was an attempted assassination of former President Donald Trump at the Trump International Golf Club in West Palm Beach, Florida. A man identified as 58-year-old Ryan Wesley Routh was spotted hiding in the shrubs with an AK-47-style rifle near the property line while Trump was golfing. Secret Service agents fired at Routh, who fled the scene in a vehicle. He was later captured by law enforcement on Interstate 95. The incident is being investigated by the FBI as an attempted assassination, and no injuries were reported during the event.
Authorities found an AK-47-style rifle with a scope and two backpacks containing ceramic tiles that could deflect a bullet at the scene. Routh had a history of political activity and had previously been involved in efforts to support Ukraine during the Russian invasion. His motive for targeting Trump is still under investigation (Wikipedia) (SecretService).
For more details, you can check the official statement from the Secret Service here.
This is the second alleged assassination attempt on Trump since whatever it was that happened to him at a campaign rally in Butler, PA on July 13—the one where the suspected bullet reportedly grazed his ear. This time, though, it was on Trump’s home turf.
Well, isn’t this just the most theatrical presidential campaign season in history? I can’t recall any other assassination attempts on nominated candidates during a campaign, much less two. Coincidental? Possible, but unlikely.
In yesterday’s purported incident, rumors that the gunman was actually trying to kill Trump’s close confidante Laura Loomer rather than Trump appear to be unfounded.
It also seems that Secret Service agents fired at Mr. Routh before he was able to shoot at Trump.
As portrayed in the Facebook photo used for this article’s feature image, Mr. Routh wears an American flag as a sort of keffiyeh and has his hair dyed a lesbian-radical white and blue. Judging from that picture, he’s a rough-looking 58 years old and seems about as deranged as one would expect an aspirant presidential assassin to be.
On X, a video purports to show Routh in 2022—this time wearing a USA flag T-shirt rather than a neck adornment—speaking to Newsweek about his hands-on attempts to help Ukraine in their war effort:
This is about good versus evil. This is a storybook, you know, any movie we’ve ever watched, this is definitely evil against good. I mean, we’re battling a situation here where, you know, the Ukrainians and the rest of the world are caring and kind and generous and unselfish and take care of one another and it’s just a matter of, you know, we need to stand up for that. That is the most important thing in the world, is just to show human beings that we’re kind and we’re caring and that we take care of one another and that the world is united so that we feed each other and make sure that we all move forward as one collective whole unit.
The Daily Mail quotes Routh’s son, Oran Routh—whose name sounds like some sort of orthodontic procedure—saying that his dad hates Trump just like “all reasonable people” do, but that he’s never done anything “batshit crazy,” so he’s surprised to hear his dad is now a suspect in an assassination attempt.
At press time, I could not discern why people think that bat feces is crazier than any other strain of animal dung.
Oran Routh adds:
He’s not a violent person. He’s a hard worker and a great dad. He’s a great dude, a nice guy, and has worked his whole fucking life.
The younger Routh says that even though his dad is a great dude and a nice guy, he has no idea why this happened because “we’ve grown apart.”
There are also reports that the elder Routh was a former Trump supporter. Again, the reports are conflicting—possibly by design.
At some point late on Sunday, Trump issued a public statement:
There were gunshots in my vicinity, but before rumors start spiraling out of control, I wanted you to hear this first: I AM SAFE AND WELL!
Nothing will slow me down. I will NEVER SURRENDER!
I will always love you for supporting me.
Unity. Peace. Make America Great Again.
Just when you’d love to have at least a semblance of clarity about the election, this happens.
It’s enough to make a person feel…crazy? To question their grip on reality? Speculation about the event is running rampant, as speculation is wont to do, especially in a digital climate where every moron with a smartphone, a mental disorder, and unshakable confirmation bias gets a chance to chip in.
Those who hate Trump will be disappointed he wasn’t killed, and those who love him will allege this is further proof that he’s a legitimate threat to the Deep State’s libtard-globohomocommie agenda rather than simply another Deep State pawn.
I suspect that if Donald Trump was the political renegade his most ardent supporters insist that he is, there’s no way he would have been able to achieve the political prominence he has. No one gets to run for president three times in a row without being “in on the plot” to some degree.
Or maybe I’m just organically paranoid. But let’s say “they” aren’t helping. You know who “they” are…right?
When you write about politics, especially on the fly like this, you’re assumed to not only know exactly what happened, but also why it happened and why it reinforces not only your already baked-in worldview, but that of your readers. Humans—especially political ideologues—crave certainty, but the truth is that none of us even has the remotest clue what happened here or why. Feeling certain allows us to feel saner, no matter how nutty our beliefs may be.
But I don’t feel qualified to tell you what this all means, because I’m not even sure what happened. Nothing can be verified. Remember, no one outside of the FBI and CIA is sure what really went down with that whole “JFK assassination” thing, and that was 61 years ago.
What’s the difference between healthy skepticism and unhealthy paranoia? These things run along a spectrum. I’d reckon that “skepticism” is justified paranoia, and “paranoia” is unjustified skepticism.
What’s crazier: To think that the government-industrial-media complex isn’t fucking with our minds, or to think that they are? And which notion is more comforting? Those of us who pay taxes should at least be “paranoid” enough to realize that we aren’t funding US intelligence agencies and their media maidservants to rescue cats from trees. It’s not unreasonable to think that intelligence agencies thrive on making us appear unreasonable.
Whether by outright lying or by omission, authorities lie to us as a matter of policy. If they didn’t, they wouldn’t remain in power very long, because a group of ruthless liars would rapidly replace them. As I’ve learned the hard way, honesty is hardly ever the best policy.
Will there be more assassination attempts? If so, what will the final number be, and what will the numerological conspiracists make of it?
But since I’m required to have a “take” on this, here it is: If we’re being tested, I suspect the exam is designed so that we all fail.

7 comments
‘Well, isn’t this just the most theatrical presidential campaign season in history? I can’t recall any other assassination attempts on nominated candidates during a campaign, much less two.’
Wasn’t George Wallace on the campaign trail when he was paralyzed in an attempted assassination?
Jim Goad meant party nominees for the fall election. Wallace was running in a primary when shot in 1972. Bobby Kennedy had just won the California primary when assassinated in 1968. Neither fit the parameter Goad was discussing.
A woman fired a shot at President Ford in Sacramento in September 1975 but she missed. Two weeks later in Sacramento a woman shoved a .45 into Ford’s face and pulled the trigger, but she’d forgotten to rack a cartridge into the chamber. Two assassination attempts in two weeks seems kind of theatrical, especially with Manson girl Squeaky Fromme being the second shooter.
But once again, it wasn’t during campaign season so it doesn’t fit the parameter.
This is a minor incident, but think about the Jevgeni Prigozhin / Wagner uprising in Russia a year ago. What the hell was that?
‘I’d reckon that “skepticism” is justified paranoia, and “paranoia” is unjustified skepticism.’
Nice. I’ll remember that one.
Trump is colossally obnoxious (and funny), which has led his detractors to demonize him possibly more than any prior US president. I won’t be surprised if there are at least 2 more attempts as the election looms. He was quoted that he had hoped to finish his golf round but was whisked away. Trump promoting his son’s crypto currency is just as lame as Biden’s support for various Hunter Biden financial adventures.
For a short deadline piece, the Oran Routh dental procedure and skepticism/paranoia are quotable.
Judging by his pathetic and moronic face, the IQ level of this “schmendrick” must be flying at a very low level!…
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