All Hail Blackbeth
The African “Royals” Living in a Scottish Forest

3,891 words

Did you know there was once a black African monarch of Scotland called King Ken the Nigger? No? That’s because there wasn’t. King Kenneth II (r.962-967), or “King Kenneth Niger”, or “King Kenneth Dubh”, as he was sometimes known, probably just had black hair rather than black skin, dubh meaning “black” in Gaelic, with niger meaning the same in Latin. Yet black “Scottish” supermodel Eunice Olumide thinks otherwise. The Edinburgh-born daughter of Nigerian immigrants hopes one day to produce a TV documentary about Ken, spying in his (non-existent) story “the potential for promoting a message underlining those things that link the peoples of different countries rather than divide them.”

According to Olumide, who first came across this fascinating information about King Kenny upon the highly reliable-sounding website RastaLivewire.com:

This aspect of history is increasingly important because as a society we are becoming less tolerant and more parochial. A society where people do not see themselves as part of one human race and view those from another part of the world as the other or dangerous. Many people in the West simply view themselves as white Caucasians and do not realise that we all come from African people, [as] backed up by modern scientists. African people came here [to Scotland] in early history. When the Moors came here they brought ideas and scientific techniques which had never been seen before such as the Periodic Table.

Whoever knew that Dmitri Mendeleev was a Muslim? The very idea that Scotland ever had a black king in the nation’s distant past is equally pure fantasy, but the Scottish nation certainly has one today. Turns out the guy’s Jewish, too, just for good measure.

If You Go Down to the Woods Today

The British media has found itself roused of late by the absurd news that a small micro-state called the Kingdom of Kubala has just been discovered nestled in a small forest clearing in Jedburgh, 40 miles south of Edinburgh; a short video of the Kubalan Royal Family in action is online here.

Absolute ruler of Kubala is King Atehene, a 36-year-old former opera singer from Ghana whose real name is Kofi Offeh. His royal bride, 43-year-old Queen Nandi, is actually a Zimbabwean woman named Jean Gasho. Their sole companion in their camp is a young black Texan student who acts as the King’s handmaiden, Kaura Taylor, 21, whose worried family had previously reported her missing. However, once discovered by journalists, Taylor (now renamed Asnat) argued, with impeccable logic, that “I am not missing” because she was standing right there in front of them.

The polyamorous trio live in tents amidst the trees, dressed like cartoon Masai tribespeople, pretending to be Jewish; they call their camp a “tabernacle.” King Atehene claims he is descended from none other than the ancient Israelite King David, and that Scotland is the true Holy Land, not the Middle East, with blacks being Caledonia’s genuine first inhabitants, and the real Jerusalem being located somewhere north of Hadrian’s Wall.

However, the Blackbeths were all kicked out by Queen Elizabeth I, whom Atehene mistakenly thinks expelled all the Jacobites (Jacobites, for the King, means “black Scotsmen”; the biblical Jacob who was their ancestor was, he says, a negro) from Great Britain. In fact, however, the real-life Jacobites (as in supporters of the disappointingly white King James II) did not even come into being until 1688, whereas Elizabeth I had died in 1603, thus making all this chronologically impossible. Plus, Great Britain did not even exist during Elizabeth’s time as one continuous kingdom, she was not the ruler of Scotland at all, meaning she had no power to expel any anachronistic Jacobite time-travelers anyhow.

Being Scotland’s true rightful rulers, the Kubalans say they “don’t recognize local laws”, making the attempts of the Scottish Borders Council and Police Scotland to evict them from the forest no concern to them. The black Jacobites were the original owners of the land, and their Jewish god Yahowah has decreed it is time it was returned back to them and their entire “lost tribe”, so the royal court refuse to budge from their sacred regal grove; except, that is, when the King needs Internet access on his smartphone, in which case he walks to stand outside his local branch of the Co-op supermarket dressed in animal skins to take advantage of the free wi-fi in the car-park.

King Atehene is willing to accept white native visitors to his royal palace, however, just so long as they bring him appropriate gifts of tribute: photographs show him being handed over sacred offerings of boxes of Scottish shortbread fingers and bottles of Irn-Bru fizzy-soda by journalists who wished to persuade him to talk to them. But, when UK journalists did come calling, they largely just played the whole things for laughs, along the lines of “what a bunch of lovable harmless eccentrics they are!” – and, to be fair, the antics of the Kubalans are indeed amusing. Yet there is more to their tale than merely the above…

The Royal Wee

As journalists must have known full well simply from googling her name, Queen Nandi/Jean Gasho maintains a very extensive and very strange online blog (all quotes from which reproduced below are sic throughout, by the way), the contents of which are often somewhat disturbing. But such contents appear to strongly reinforce common old stereotypes of black Africans being little more than primitive children, so the media did not want to touch them with a bargepole.

Particularly unreported was the Queen’s opinion that:

Most people we see walking today, as if they are normal human beings, especially in the WESTERN WORLD, mainly Europe and USA are not 100% human, but are beings that shape shift into humans from other spiritual realms.

By this, she basically means that Westerners are vampires – but vampires of a special kind. Rather than sucking blood, white Western vampires want to suck the melanin straight out of black people’s bodies, like once happened to Michael Jackson. In 2005, whilst already living in the UK as a mere commoner, Nandi was attacked by one of these sinister “spirit beings” herself, but this was nothing compared to the experience of her husband:

In December 2021, my Lord Husband King Atehene of the Northern Kingdom was abducted by vampires and fallen beings in United Kingdom in one of the most traumatic and terrifying encounter of his life. Because he is the King of the North, the chosen one for the rebirth of Israel, vampires wanted his melanin and blood to stop the biblical prophecy from coming to pass, as the Devil knows that his time is now very short. The vampires bit him and tried to suck his blood and melanin, then the voice of YAHOWA, the God of Israel told him to use urine to defend and save himself. So my Lord Husband then smeared himself in Urine and somehow that is what saved him as the vampires and aliens could not touch him. Somehow the Urine terrified them and scared them. My Lord husband used urine to save himself from vampires and fallen beings.

So, that’s an open admission that the King of the Black Scottish Jews sees vampires and pisses all over himself to exorcise them, as “It is common knowledge that urinating on a ghost, vampire or alien will definitely stop them from achieving their missions.” However, many foolish Westerners will never be able to defend themselves against such attacks properly, at least not if they took their Covid jabs; the vaccines were actually designed to neutralize your urine’s innate anti-undead properties, seemingly at the behest of Elon Musk, who must be on the side of the melanin-vampires for some reason (perhaps because he was raised in apartheid South Africa?).

The African Queen

You can trust Queen Nandi’s word on this matter, as she is a seer with the capacity to infallibly peer into the future – less Lady Macbeth, more Weird Sister. As she once put it:

As a Prophetess of my Lord Husband King Atehene of the North, no prophecy of mine will never come to pass. I am the Priestess of Dreams, The Eagle of Napolia, the Mother Of Chaka.

Her main forecast for the key astral year of 2022 was that “the Most High Yah” had spoken to her from above, and the Hebrew god sensationally chose to “declare 2022 the year of Side Chicks, Mistresses, and Small Houses.” As proof this vision was already coming true, the Queen reproduced the following extremely bizarre headline from a Zimbabwean news website:

At first glance this appears to mean that black men are suddenly going to begin marrying buildings at the command of Almighty Yahowah, but the true meaning of the Queen’s words was as follows:

My prophecy and message was explicit and clear, that the God of Israel was calling men to start having side chicks and impregnate them. I was told to encourage the side chicks, known in Zimbabwe as small houses. I was told God was going to open their wombs, and their husbands were going to choose them over the First Wives and even bring them in their matrimonial homes. As a true Prophetess, my words did come to pass in a spectacular way. And yes, soon after my message Zimbabwean Small Houses and Side Chicks suddenly started dominating the News, they did indeed take over, and indeed behold their wombs were opened, and they conceived children for their husbands, much to the dismay of Zimbabwean First Wives, especially those who call themselves so called celebrities.

The success of her predictions in this important matter soon went to Queen Nandi’s head:

Am I not a Prophetess? Am I not the most blessed woman to ever come from Zimbabwe? I am the only public figure who was born in Zimbabwe who actually has a happy marriage and a Lord husband who loves and adores me. No Felebrity [female celebrity] in Zimbabwe has a marriage like mine.

In actual fact, it seems highly likely that nobody on the entire planet has a marriage like hers, which might be why she ended up having several of her royal babies taken away from her by the UK authorities for their own safety.

Queen of Spades

Whyever could UK social services have stolen the Prophetess of God’s heirs and heiresses to the Crown of Kubala away? Possibly because of images she has placed online, demonstrating how she chose to look after them whilst still inhabiting a flat somewhere in the North-East of England:

A latter-day Princess Grace of Monaco, is she not?

In order to protest the theft of her offspring, Queen Nandi took to the streets outside Newcastle Family Court, dressed like this, demanding their immediate safe return (‘Chaka’ here is the name of one of her very holiest sons, and I think the man on the bike was just a random passer-by): 

Even though Queen Nandi is already demonstrably highly African, she has nonetheless chosen to black her face up even further with boot-polish, presumably to make some kind of statement about the supposedly “racist” nature of her treatment at the hands of the authorities; racism obviously being the only possible reason why a woman who acts like this could possibly ever have her kids placed into care at all. Note the little black baby doll hanging from a noose at the bottom of her shirt, I would guess representing the “judicial lynching” to which the Royal Family have just been subjected.

Painting a Very Black Picture

As Queen Nandi tells it, the whole custody trial was rigged from the start, with the black couple being barred from even entering the courtroom doors to be allowed to present their side of the story in the first place. This does indeed sound most unfair. Yet the specific reason why the King and Queen were not allowed inside the courtroom was as follows:

My husband and I could not go into court because the Judge and Security does not allow us to enter court with our holy relics which is our menorah, my Lord husband’s walking stick/staff and our spiritual leaves. The main essence of our religion ‘Kubala’ is connecting to nature. Nature fights for us. Nature is our strength and spiritual weapons. For that reason we have to stay outside the court room because we are not going to a spiritual warfare without our spiritual weapons, it will be an abomination to our God Yahowa for us to leave our holy relics outside because our relics connect us to the divine.

Therefore, rather than actually standing in the dock and making her case, Queen Nandi instead chose to prance around outside in the street waving around a magic painting she had made named ‘Family Court’, which, she said, “pretty much sums up the corrupt beast system of legally trafficking children to the elite. What they call Family Court in the United Kingdom is literally a ring of child kidnappers who are unquestioned and above the law … So my painting was my way of expressing myself and exposing the beast system.” It appears to depict one of her babies, probably her youngest child Chaniya, being sacrificed to a gang of evil living skeletons amidst the flames of hellfire:

Despite the presence of the magic painting, however, the royal couple still lost their case and had their kids abducted by the UK beast system. How come? Because, whilst they took a brief break from practicing juju and popped into Costa Coffee for a nice cup of liquid refreshment, they left the paranormal item hidden away “under a tree, a very bushy tree”, from which it was then stolen, “just like that. It was like a glitch in the matrix, we did not see anyone go into the bushes.” Queen Nandi’s opinion is that the painting was stolen by the staff of Newcastle Family Court themselves, to guarantee the failure of the Kubalans’ case. But if this was indeed so, such an act would surely soon backfire upon the robbers, for the image had been supernaturally cursed:

That said, whoever has my painting, the painting itself will put the fear of YAHOWA in you. The painting literally has the blood of my 7 kidnapped children. It has all their names engraved on it, it has my name. It has the name of my dead father Never Gasho on it. It has my blood and spirit on it, it has the doll of my baby Chaniya. The painting will haunt you, and you shall see everything going wrong in your life, and fire shall not leave you. For the painting itself is fire … Until my stolen children and my stolen painting return back to me, none shall sleep.

“Sleep? Blackbeth shall sleep no more.” Maybe she really is descended from some ancient Scottish royals after all.

Nonetheless, all negromancy apart, just in case the curse happened not to work for some strange reason, Queen Nandi also took the sensible precaution of informing the local Newcastle Police Force about the matter too. To ensure the cops took the case seriously, “I told the police that ‘Family Court’ is worth 1 Million pounds.” To be fair, it does look a bit like something by Jean Michel Basquiat.

The White Queen

Nandi’s animus against her “racist” treatment at the hands of Newcastle Family Court may imply that she hates white folk, but this is not so. In her exceedingly odd essay “Dear White People…” the Queen says, “I just love white people because sometimes I feel like a white woman trapped in a black body … I’m like a gay person of race … lol, I’m racexual.” As a child in “that animal Kingdom” of Zimbabwe, she “hated everything about the culture especially” and “dreamt of coming to England, which was my lost home.”

Eventually, she did indeed come to England, because they let anyone in there these days, where, once she heard Meghan Markle moaning about receiving racist treatment herself, the wannabe-royal Nandi became annoyed. Appearing to think Meghan, with her fairly olive-hued skin, was really white, she took one look at Meghan’s whining, self-pitying autobiography, and decided to rewrite it herself to tell the hidden truth about Meghan’s manipulative personality, because “[as] you all agree I have the gift of the pen.” Sadly, everything then started to go wrong. King Atehene disapproved of this literary project and temporarily walked out on his Queen, something she believes he was paid by Meghan’s favored journalist Omid Scobie to do in secret.

With everything going against her, Nandi appealed for help from the more “privileged” white people like the international publishers whom she just knew must be present amongst her allegedly two million-strong readership to get her rewritten biography of Meghan printed:

Help me, my dear white readers, use your white power to help a desperate black woman, who just has one wish, to make it as a writer, to become a best selling author one day. Help a black woman who has lost her Papa and husband in a space of months, and stands alone as a single mother of 7, with no friends, no family, just her pen as her friend and family … I don’t want my book only on Amazon, I want the same white privilege Meghan and Harry has. If you guys adopt me, I will claim white power. I want my book in Asda, Morisons, Waterstones, Waitross, WH Smith, The Works, and all mainstream stores which sells books.

One powerful white woman who seemed to wish to help her was Samantha Markle, the estranged sister of Meghan, who became Best Friends 4EVA with her, or so Nandi thought:

She even suggested we co-write a book about Meghan together. I invited her to come to England to my royal wedding, to which she said it was an honour. She would tell me even though she was white and I was black I was the little sister she never had.

But eventually the pair fell out, and Samantha started blocking her on social media. Seeking solace, Nandi summoned the spirit of her dead father “using the rituals of awakening”, and “he possessed me, and I spoke in his voice.” Sharing recordings of these terrifying events on social media, concerned viewers soon reported the Queen to social services, who intervened, telling Nandi that she “was insane and deluded to think I had ever spoken to Samantha Markle” before taking her seven youngest children away to be placed in foster homes or even, in the case of her favored son Chaka, to be permanently adopted by white homosexuals, “because they say I am mentally insane.”

Custody Battle Royale

On 29 November 2021, Queen Nandi writes, the police broke into the cottage where she and the King then lived and arrested them under the false pretenses of “having dirty dishes in the sink and clothes on the living room floor” – although the true reason may perhaps actually have been “because I chose to mourn my father in front of them, going into a trance, I painted my children’s faces, and painted religious symbols on my walls.”

But in the Queen’s mind, the real motive as to why the authorities “legally kidnapped” her children was that the “elite gay couple” due to adopt Chaka were related to the then-Prince Charles, who was impatiently awaiting his elderly mother the (real) Queen’s death. Once Liz finally croaked, the “elite gays” from the adoption service planned to secretly hand over Chaka to Charlie as a human child-sacrifice, on the following grounds:

Because Charles is not true royalty, none of the house of Windsor are, they need the blood of a true royal to rule, especially the blood of a black royal child as Black People are the original inhabitants of Great Britain. Chaka is the first born son and heir of Atehene who is a direct descendant of Mary-Magdalene and Yesu Kristu. Chaka is the Holy Grail … He is a child they knew he would be born, at this very time in history. They want to stop prophecy, and sacrifice my son [as part of Charles III’s coronation ritual].

In other words, King Charles III is a kind of melanin-vampire too. Why didn’t Queen Nandi just get her husband to piss on him and bring a quick end to the evil plot that way? Because, fearing King Atehene and his magic bladder may attempt to disrupt King Charles’ coronation, in April 2023 the police once again “stormed” the block of flats where the Judeo-Wakandan royals were now living “on the instruction of Buckingham Palace” and arrested them a further time, “on suspicion of attempting to overthrow King Charles and stop the Coronation”.

Despite her ordeal, Queen Nandi still bravely refuses to ever recognize King Charles’ fake authority over her, however:

As a black woman who knows my history and spirituality, I do not want King Charles to reign over me, I want my own King husband the Messiah to reign over me. In the name of Atehene, Charles will never reign over me. I want to be controlled by my own husband, not by Charles. Every morning I bow and pray before the King.

But one particular local white social worker, Katie Grammer, allegedly refused to accept the legitimacy of this particular expression of native patriarchal Kubalan African culture, writing in a report about Nandi “that it is wrong for me to call my husband Lord” as this was against standard left-wing Western feminist dogma – another reason why the Queen could not be trusted to raise her own kids. In morally topsy-turvy, racist, anti-black Britain today, “People who tattoo themselves and do extreme body modifications and change their whole human form to look like reptilians are still allowed to raise children”, but not oppressed black African females like her. This led the Queen to complain to social services at length:

I am loyal to my Lord Husband, I will serve him till I die. I am not being abused, I am not being held against my will by my Lord Husband. None of his wives are being abused, none of his wives or Concubines are held against their will. If a wife or a Concubine of the King of the North disobeys the King, they are disciplined according to the pleasure of the King, and that is not limited to ‘spanking the bum’ in the bedchamber during intimacy with the King which every wife or concubine considers an honour. In Morden Britain they appropriate this culture and call it ‘bondage’ they have a whole industry of selling sex toys based on Muslim and Hebrew culture of spanking a rebellious wife on the marriage bed. I’m sure even Katie Grammer … has a whole kit of chains and whips. The book 50 Shades of Grey was based on this appropriation of Black Hebrew Culture … Given a choice, every wife and concubine of Atehene would rather be a slave in the Northern Kingdom, being whipped on the bum by the King for his pleasure, as this is all our greatest pleasure, than to be FREE in Modern Britain.

Sexually deviant, childish, moronic, self-obsessed, a massive drain on the British taxpayer and the public purse, with no sense of decorum, poor genes and absolutely appalling parenting skills … ironically, this pair would actually fit in perfectly well with the real British Royal Family. Prince Andrew probably views them as role models.