1,300 words
I am not worried about my name being added to any blacklist, dox-list, out-list, or whatever other lists that exist out there with the express Leftist-liberal purpose of naming names, pointing fingers, and showing the world exactly who is who. Those slimy little ‘enemies that be’ can’t tell the world something the world doesn’t already know regarding who I am. I’m me. I’ve been me for a really long time.
I can say this because, whether or not other people (in some cases the use of the word ‘people’ is generous) like what I am doing: I am doing nothing wrong. What I say and what I think are equally as valid (if not more so) and equally as important (if not more so) and equally as right (actually, much more so in my opinion) as anyone else’s words and thoughts. I refuse to be bullied into masked submission by using a fake name to cover the vital or artistic tracks that I make. Anywhere. I refuse to not be able to look anyone in the eye and say, “I did that.”
I’ve been told (and quite often by peers, which is heartbreaking . . . because once they tell me, they are no longer peers of mine) that I am throwing my work and any potential I might have had for lucrative and/or enduring fame, fancy Pulitzers, nifty Peace Prizes, or for getting into Poetry magazine or being included in a college anthology or two, right into that big sinkhole of obscurity we have made for ourselves over here on the fringe, Right side of things. Because I write for places like Counter-Currents and Mjolnir magazine. Because I write sonnets about Unity Mitford. Because I write essays about being an anti-feminist. Because this. Because that. Because because because.
I cannot tell you how many times I have heard such statements regarding using my actual name: that I’ll never get into non-fringe publications. That I’ll never win non-fringe awards. That I’ll never be able to sell freelance to the non-fringe magazines. That I’ll never get my foot into any non-fringe doors. And that if I continue to go on using my name for all the things I do and write, I’ll never be able to use that name to introduce myself. Anywhere. At homeschool events. At Scouts. At farmers’ markets. To Avon ladies.
To date I have been asked by one – one – respected publication (and only after I was promoted to being its assistant poetry editor, mind you) to sever my ties with the, ahem, unsavory flavor of the Right-wing sites I was writing for at the same time. My refusal to do that cost me exactly that one position.
And nothing else ever happened. The end.
I don’t worry about it.
You see, I’ve been unacceptable to lots of places, most notably a few heavily Christian publications to which I have the impertinence to continue to send my poetry. In my defense, I don’t send Heathen poetry, I just send poetry, but . . . I guess they can’t risk me dragging in hordes of smelly Barbarian readers to assault their literary monasteries, and really, I don’t hate them for that, even while I think they ought to take the risk anyway. The same goes for the free-verse venues that won’t give a formal quatrain a second glance.
Nevertheless, I am all for freedom of association, and if they don’t want to associate with me or publish me because of who I am or who I associate with myself, well . . . okay. I don’t want to see Allen Ginsberg pieces in The Occidental Observer or Maya Angelou in the Alternative Right blog, either. We all have to realize that we fit in some places and don’t in others. But we should all try to find out where those places are that we fit in . . . and that entails putting ourselves out there. Ourselves and our name.
I am forever putting myself and my name out there. Everywhere I think people might like to hear things from me. About me. By me. I have work in farming magazines about what to feed to chickens. I have work in Leftist-leaning anthologies about being a tattooed mom (my essay there even got quoted in another, even more Leftist-leaning university tome about inked women . . . or maybe they spelled it womyn), I have an essay about raising Heatheny kids in an anthology from a women’s press that is used as a college text (ha ha ha ha). I have work in Catholic journals. I have work in Odinic journals. Lots of Odinic journals. I am in more small-press poetry anthologies and magazines than I have the patience to list here – none of which are Right-wing or Heathen at all. I have work here. I have work there. I’ve been on a writer’s panel at a national homeschool convention. I’ve spoken at an Asatru event regarding being a traditionalist woman. I had runic art in the Heathen Art Show in Portland, Oregon. I won a blue ribbon for a crocheted “plarn” (recycled plastic bags: plastic + yarn = plarn) shopping bag at a State Fair. Same darn name always.
Someone once asked the writer, Shirley Jackson, which was the real “her,” the writer who wrote parenting articles or the writer who wrote folk horror stories. She said they both were. That’s how I feel. We are none of us simple, flat, one-note people. We all have various thoughts, hobbies, and political visions. We have the ability to hold two thoughts in one head, sometimes even opposing ones (whether Trump is going to be great or horrible as the top dog of the free world, for instance).
I’ve got the standard number of short-listings and awards from the usual obscure-to-everyone-except-other-formalist-poets literary places, a couple of nice Pushcart and Best of the Net nominations, and I’ve had a few reviews, write-ups, and interviews here and there along the way as well. The fact that my poetry and my essays are online at places like Counter-Currents, Black Gnosis, and Alternative Right, and the fact that antifa once posted my name and address for any and all to see, hasn’t made a difference. At all.
I still send work in to just about any call that comes my way, wherever I think my work fits. It’s made for some strange bedfellows over the years, but I like to think that I’m leaving some breadcrumbs for readers to follow . . . perhaps someone who likes my work there will like my work here, and proceed to read other people’s works there, awakening to the fact that we aren’t monsters there, we aren’t villains, we aren’t evil ignoramuses . . . we are people just like other people. We have ideas that aren’t popular, we have a code of ethics that doesn’t match the current global lack thereof, we love our world, we love our past, we have honor and beauty and a value. We are worth reading.
Just as what we write is worth our names being on it.
That is why I write under my real name all the time. Call it foolish, predict my regrets, decry or disdain my decision . . . but know this: I am not afraid of who I am, and I am not afraid of who knows it. I am not wrong because some people say I am. I am not awful because some people say I am. I am not evil because some people say I am.
The cycle of world thought is ever-changing. Just look at what happened with witchcraft. I don’t see anybody burning on stakes for saying and writing and doing the same things they were condemned and executed for back in the 1600s. The only thing that changed is the way the world thinks. Not the witches.
You get my drift, I presume?
12 comments
Yes, really. Pseudonyms among activists are so shameful.
I don’t think it’s fair to call it shameful. as some of us quite simply cannot afford to lose our current jobs due to various circumstances. I’m sure you or others will say “Fuck your jobs! They are worth losing for the Cause!” In a sense, this is synonymous with saying “Fuck your kids! Fuck your house! Fuck your wife! The Cause Uber Alles!” Everyone has different circumstances, ans we can’t all afford to just throw caution to the wind like this. Period. What matters is that people make whatever contributions they can. It would be shameful to do absolutely nothing.
That being said, I commend those who choose to use their real identities, like Juleigh.
I had this funny idea that one day, when we are all comfortable with “coming out,” we should make an Alt-Right version of the music video for that song “We Stand Tall” that the Scientologists made back in the 90s. It would have all the heavy hitters from the Movement in it. Or for something more metal, the song “We’re Stars” by Hearin’ Aid. Seventh Son would play the guitar, I’d imagine.
Yeah, real shameful it all is. Me, I agree with Greg Johnson here:
https://counter-currents.com/2010/11/secret-agents/
“Third, we need people who are plugged into the system and have a lot to lose. But because of these very traits, they cannot afford to be explicit White Nationalists. Not yet, anyway. Nothing would be gained by these people losing their positions in the system by openly avowing White Nationalism in today’s climate.
So what is to be done? We need to keep building our network until we become strong enough, and the system becomes weak enough, for open struggle to have a chance of success. Until then, most of us will have to remain publicly silent, sharing our views with only small circles of trusted friends.
But psychologically, that is very difficult to do. The truth matters to us, or we would not be White Nationalists. Courage matters to us, or we would not be White Nationalists. So it is very difficult for us to withhold the truth, or even pay lip-service to lies, without feeling in our hearts like cowards.
For instance, recently a comrade who is in the position to hire people for his firm told me that he was dreading a conversation with his superior about diversity. He told me that he was planning to flatly declare that he would base his decisions solely on merit. He said that he couldn’t live with himself otherwise.
I told him that this was an immoral self-indulgence. His protests would not change his institution’s commitment to diversity. It would only harm his position in the institution and very likely lead to somebody else being given the power to hire people.
I persuaded him that it would be much better to pay lip service to diversity, keep his power to hire people, and then use that power to hire fellow comrades. To hell with “merit” if the best candidate is a racial or ideological enemy. In such a process, “diversity” could actually help us, since he could use considerations of diversity to exclude Jews on the grounds that they are white people.
Being a White Nationalist has many risks and no rewards. One of my goals is to change this by building mutual aid into our network.
To help square this with his conscience, I suggested that he see himself as a secret agent, as a disciplined political soldier. When James Bond is under cover, he doesn’t reproach himself as a coward for not revealing his true identity. He just thinks of his mission, of his duty. A secret agent does not lie out of cowardice, but out of strength and self-overcoming. He suppresses any self-indulgent frankness for the greater good.
Yes, we need more explicit White Nationalists. But if you cannot be one, don’t reproach yourself as a coward, don’t create an inner conflict that exhausts your energies and may lead you to self-destructively blurt out the truth in a moment of mere weakness and self-indulgence.
Instead, you need to fully adopt the role of a secret agent, burrow deep, rise high, bring your comrades along with you, and be proud.”
Thank you for this, Juleigh Howard-Hobson. I admire and respect your honesty and courage.
Very good writing.
God bless you, Julie Howard Hobson. May we all partake of your courage.
Well juleigh, the actual content of what you write is not that controversial, as say yankovich, and who knows how much further you would have gone in publishing had you used a pseudonym. And prose writers who convey nuanced political thought open themselves up more. For example, I am uncertain where you stand on the race/iq issue, but an essayist would have to broach this topic sooner or later to have any relevance.
That said, what are some good venues for beginning poets to publish work? Not necessarily of alt right content, but just in general?
http://www.ramblingrose.com/poetry/ There is a list of resources on the left hand side that is superb for getting started with getting your work out there. Good luck to you! The world needs more poets who read Counter Currents.
Full credit to Juleigh. She is a woman of rare courage and integrity —fully prepared to bear the cost of standing up for her principles.
I just had a conversation this weekend with a friend who was apparently very concerned that I was ruining all chances of a decent career because of my Facebook posts.
The funny thing is that my Facebook posts are very, very mild compared to my raw opinions. Here he was telling me to clean up my act because of some funny memes and outspoken support for the current President of the United States.
The point is that many people seem to think that the best policy is to have no opinions whatsoever and keep your head down.
For what it’s worth, I love your poetry.
Thank you, and I am –as always and ever–honored to be considered positively by thinking folk. For those who cannot, yet, use real their real name where they like, due to serious consequences…let us hope the time comes soon when this issue shall be moot. For the rest of us who have chosen to stand our ground before it is stable ground, thank you for being brave comrades. It is a light that shines so very far, banishing the darkness that would subsume us.
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