Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains
A Charming Punk Rock Time Capsule

2,604 words

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains, a film about the quick rise and even quicker fall of the eponymous all-female teenage punk band, is a big guilty pleasure of mine. Indeed, an enjoyer of this movie would have much to feel guilty about.

For one, it is in many ways a very silly movie and you’ve got to leave your suspension of disbelief at the door if you hope to enjoy it. The movie is also celebrated by feminists for its “girl power” undertones as the young maidens struggle to be taken seriously in a man’s world.

And not just any man’s world but the rough and tumble world of punk rock, with its short-fused tough boys, hopped up junkies, and assorted lumpenprole. The film and particularly the main character Corinne “Third Degree” Burn became an influence on the 1990s Riot Grrl movement. The film was left-wing coded by the standards of the time but mostly because female rock musicians were still a relative novelty. People who grew up watching Courtney Love and the like probably wouldn’t see the movie being all that radical.

But politics aside, I can’t help but find the movie disarmingly charming and as someone who likes cinematic time capsules, this one is a real humdinger.

Punk was a major phenomenon in 1970s Britain and achieved full-blown national zeitgeist, and as such was fairly well documented as it was still ongoing. However, punk was a relatively minor phenomenon in the United States, never rising above the level of niche subculture. I’m sure punk aficionados out there could rattle off plenty of “legendary” American first wave punk bands but the fact is they never posed a serious threat to the US pop charts like in the UK. There was no American John Peel to broadcast it to a national audience and remained a largely word-of-mouth phenomenon confined mostly to large cities.

As such, there are considerably fewer cinematic documentations of the first wave American punk scene while it was still ongoing. The most famous is probably Penelope Spheeris’ harrowing 1981 documentaryThe Decline of Western Civilization which covered the late 70s L.A. punk scene in all its unwashed brutality. When it comes to fictional portrayals of the early American punk scene, you’ve got couple female-driven teen movies. One is 1980’s Times Square about two teenage girls from New York (one rich and one poor) who run away together, begin a lesbian romance, and start a punk band. The other is Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains.

In addition to covering the emerging punk scene, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains was also capitalizing on the success of several all-girl rock bands that were emerging at the time. As the group that launched the careers of Joan Jett and Lita Ford, The Runaways are probably the most celebrated of these. Across the Atlantic, The Slits, the first all-female punk band, were enjoying flavor of the month status after the release of their 1979 debut album. Less well remembered, the criminally overlooked Motorhead protégés Girlschool were getting buzz. Their second album Hit and Run would go on to hit #5 on the UK charts. There was also the mainstream breakthrough of Siouxsie and the Banshees. While not an all-female band, their chart success in the UK made Siouxsie Sioux into the first female punk superstar.

For a relatively obscure cult movie, there is a lot of talent in Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains. The film stars Academy Award nominee Diane Lane as Stains frontwoman Corinne “Third Degree” Burns. Playing Corinne’s cousin and Stains bassist Jessica is Laura Dern who went on to earn three Academy Award nominations with one win. The screenwriter was Nancy Dowd who won an Academy Award for Best Screenplay for her work on the 1978 Jane Fonda film Coming Home. The director was Grammy-winning music mogul Lou Adler. While Adler is best known for his contributions to the music industry, he was not exactly a novice when it came to filmmaking. He also had a hand in two other popular cult films. He was the executive producer for Rocky Horror Picture Show and directed the wildly successful Cheech and Chong comedy Up in Smoke.

More noteworthy than the filmmaking talent is the fact that for a cutesy teen, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains has an impressive amount of punk rock cred. In the movie, The Stains’ rivals are a British punk band called The Looters which includes two members of The Sex Pistols (guitarist Steve Jones and drummer Peter Cook) who were going through heroin withdrawal during filming, and Paul Simonon, the bass player for The Clash. The Looters’ lineup is rounded out by Ray Winstone, a British actor who specializes in playing British ‘ard men. In addition to including three literal inventors of the punk genre, the movie also features a cameo appearance from Black Randy and the Metrosquad, a comedy punk band from Los Angeles who are perhaps more historically important than musically important. Members of the Go-Gos, the Germs and X passed through the Metrosquad at some time or another and Black Randy also ran Dangerhouse Records, which is considered a crucial label in the early development of American and especially West Coast punk. Serving as an advisor for the film was Caroline Coon, a Melody Maker journalist who had covered the London punk scene from its earliest beginnings and went on to become The Clash’s manager from 1978-1980.

Interestingly, the gentiles Nancy Dowd and Caroline Coon had a falling out with the Jewish director Lou Adler resulting in the two walking out of the production and Dowd requesting her name be removed from the credits. Among their complaints was Adler having The Stains wear overly sexualized outfits onstage like see-through blouses and no pants. This not only undercut the feminist intentions of the film but there was also the fact that the actresses playing the Stains were children for Pete’s sake. Diane Lane was only 15 at the time. Adler, I suppose could make a defense of period accuracy: Cherry Curry of The Runaways was famous for performing onstage in lingerie, but Dowd did not appreciate the deviation.

Diane Lane as Corinne “Third Degree” Burns.

In addition to The Stains and The Looters, there is a third fictional band in the film called Metal Corpses whose singer and guitarist are played by Fee Waybill and Vince Welnick of The Tubes, a pop rock band hitherto best known for their high concept satirical stage shows. They would land a Top 10 single in 1983 with She’s a Beauty.

The story begins in the fictional Charlestown, Pennsylvania, a grey and dying industrial town. The hotheaded and antisocial 17-year-old orphan Corinne Burns has become something of a local celebrity after a news report on the town wherein she quit her fast food job and told off her boss live on camera. The viewing audience found her compelling enough that news station returned to Charlestown for a follow-up interview with Corinne during which she announces formation of her new band The Stains of which she is lead singer.

Later, Corinne goes to a rock club and is blown away by the opening act The Looters, a real authentic honest-to-God British punk band. She is particularly enamored with the band’s charismatic Billy. After The Looters, headliners Metal Corpses comes on stage. While The Looters are fresh-faced twenty-somethings banging out the latest in cutting edge punk rock tunes, Metal Corpses are washed up rock dinosaurs decked out in corny KISS-style make and play the kind of pretentious hard rock that punk came into being to rebel against. Compared to The Looters, Metal Corpses’ music sounds comically old-fashioned.

After the show, Corinne works up the courage to talk to The Looters’ singer Billy backstage and sheepishly asks him to allow her band to audition for him. Billy does not even acknowledge her existence and leaves the room without answering. However, The Looters’ Jamaican tour manager recognizes Corinne from the news and offers The Stains a slot on the tour. And thus, the adventure begins.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains is about the rivalry between these three bands on tour together and each represents a different generation. Metal Corpses represents the hippy generation boomers, The Looters represent the punk generation boomers, while The Stains are Gen Xers.

The second half of the movie deals more with the rivalry between The Looters and The Stains, with heavy male versus female overtones. The first half deals more with the rivalry between The Looters and Metal Corpses, where the dividing line is young versus old. Here, the movie says some intelligent things. The Looters approach music with a degree of youthful romanticism. They subscribe to the band-as-gang ethos, four best friends out to conquer the world. However, as musicians age, they tend to be more careerist in their approach. They drift around from band to band, wherever they can find a paying gig with little regard to music. When Metal Corpses’ guitarist dies, the news report mentions that he played in 15 different bands throughout out his career, thus emphasizing the mercenary nature of hippy era musicians.

Tony Iommi of Black Sabbath (one of the bands Metal Corpses is model after) once said, “Nowadays it’s easy: you’re a metal band, you make a metal album. Back then, you were expected to follow trends.” When The Beatles were big, you tried to sound like the Beatles. When 1960s counter-culture was hot, you put out a hippy album. Perhaps the most infamous example of this trend was in the late 1970s when every rock band from KISS to Heart to The Rolling Stones felt compelled to put out a disco record. This phenomenon was also lampooned in the movie This Is Spinal Tap in a scene where it showed the heavy metal band 15 years prior when they were a hippy band, suggesting that they were only playing metal because that’s what the kids wanted.

Nowadays, a band would be crucified as sell-outs if they were seen to be shamelessly bandwagon hopping on the hot new thing, but from the hippy generation when subgenres of rock were less clearly defined, that was how you did things if you wanted a career in music. Indeed, Metal Corpses’ singer mentions that he was a rockabilly musician in 1964 and you can only imagine how many reinventions and reincarnations he has gone through since then.

The Stains’ first performance is shambolic. Corinne’s ultra-confrontational style (which includes insulting a man’s date) and her catchphrase “I don’t put out” alienated the audience. Things seem off to a bad start but then fate throws a curveball. Metal Corpses are forced to drop out of the tour after their guitarist Jerry Jervey dies of a drug overdose. The Looters get bumped up from support to headliner and the Stains from 3rd billing to 2nd. It gets better. When the news channels descend on the venue to cover the death, Corinne tells the media that the guitarist was in love with her and “died of a broken heart” because she won’t put out. This turns a run-of-the-mill musician drug overdose story into a sex scandal and The Stains from an obscure garage band into the national spotlight. Now the tour has attention and gradually more and more teenage girls start showing up specifically to see The Stains decked out in Corinne’s signature look. Billy’s attitude towards Corinne goes from dismissive to begrudging respect albeit laced with condescension. But as tour grinds on and The Stains’ star continues to rise, he eventually comes to see her as an equal and they become lovers.

Alas, the two lovebirds have a falling out. Disillusioned Corinne wants to go Hollywood. She becomes vindictive and arrogant and starts treating everyone like shit. She fires her kind-hearted and good-natured manager for a sleazy fast-talking agent. She starts ripping off Billy’s signature stage move just to piss him off. She demands The Stains be made headliners of the tour with The Looters supporting. By now, The Stains have become the bigger band and the tour manager has to agree. As her megalomania grows, she eventually demands The Looters be kicked off the tour altogether. Eventually it becomes clear that Corinne is not actually punk rock at all. She’s just a bitch. So much so that her haughty attitude starts to rub off on her bandmates.

The runaway success of The Stains have allowed the tour to upgrade from playing small clubs they were playing at the beginning of the movie to larger theaters. At the climax of the film, The Looters are playing their set before a packed house of extremely hostile Stains fans who spend The Looter’s set booing the band and giving them the middle finger. The Looters appear defeated. Dethroned. By a bunch of teenaged girls.

Ah but Billy has an ace up his sleeve. Unlike Corinne, Billy is a real punk. The Looters stop their set and Billy gives a rousing speech where he calls Corinne’s punk rock credibility into question. He tells the audience that Corinne has sold out to the corporations and that she is exploiting her fans for money. Billy succeeds in turning the audience against The Stains so that when they arrive onstage, they are pelted with abuse and booed offstage.

The fiasco results in the remainder of the tour being cancelled. Having been media darlings a short time ago, The Stains suddenly find themselves yesterday’s news. Corinne goes to her agent to collect her money and finds that he has already replaced The Stains with another teenaged girl punk band called The Smears.

The original ending left Corinne with her musical career in shambles and her future uncertain. However, it was decided that a happy ending was needed and so a year after the movie finished filming, the girls, now conspicuously older looking, were brought back in to film a Stains music video which plays over the end credits thus reassuring the audience that The Stains managed to overcome their setback and find MTV success.

Between the original production and shooting the music video a year later, the Go-Go’s became the first and to date only all-female rock band that both played their own instruments AND wrote their own material to have a #1 album (The Bangles played their own instruments but did not write all their material). Notably, The Stains’ music video shows the band having dropped their punk look and adopted a more stylish Go-Go’s-esque aesthetic.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains went largely unnoticed upon release. Part of the problem was that it was filmed in 1980 and then shelved for a couple years. By the time it came out, the punk fad had died down considerably and the movie found itself without an audience. What punk rock fans were still around found the film a bit too twee for their liking. It played in a few art house theaters and was then forgotten until it slowly started to grind out a reputation on late-night television and then home video.

In all, Ladies and Gentlemen, The Fabulous Stains is an enjoyable film about the early punk rock scene that is neither exploitative nor self-congratulatory, as well as a cautionary tale of the dangers of hubris and the “here today, gone tomorrow” ephemeral nature of fame.