To a Reluctant BridegroomGreg Johnson
Translations: Dutch, French, Spanish, Swedish
After our recent conversation, I decided to write down some of my arguments. Then it occurred to me that your questions and concerns are probably shared by many of your fellow white millennials. So I decided to turn this into an “open letter.”
Like a lot of young, racially conscious white men, you believe that it is important to reverse our race’s demographic decline. Unlike a lot of your peers, however, you actually have a highly attractive girlfriend who wants to get married and start a family. But still you are reluctant. You don’t feel ready. You still feel like a kid yourself, so how can you have your own kids?
White people are highly conscientious and responsible, especially when it comes to bearing and rearing children. Thus whites naturally gravitate to the idea of family planning. It seems irresponsible to us to have children before we are psychologically and financially ready. But there are two devastating problems with this viewpoint.
1. The Psychological Fallacy
When people decide that they will not have children until they are pyschologically ready, they simply don’t feel mature enough to have kids. But this overlooks the fact that having kids is one of the main causes of maturation.
In nature, animals do not want to “have babies,” they want to have sex. Babies are just a side effect of sex. But the reason that babies are not simply abandoned after they are born is that, once we have them, nature makes us want them. “Entrapment” is nature’s way.
It is a well-kept secret, but many women like being pregnant, which is why some suffer from post-partum depression. But even when mothers have hard pregnancies, once a baby is born, the mother is flooded with hormones that make her love and want to care for her baby. Women who abort their children because they don’t “want” them do not understand this basic fact. The solution to unwanted children is not abortion. The solution is simply to want them. And nature will make you want them.
It also stands to reason that once we have children, nature will also make us mature enough to take care of them. And sure enough, there is ample anecdotal evidence that extremely immature men and women virtually grow up overnight when they have another life depending on them. This is the meaning of the saying, “The child is the father of the man”: many boys don’t grow up until they have children. And the same is true for women too. This is the answer to the fashionable female complaint that they just can’t find men mature enough to marry. Marry them first. Quietly flush your birth control pills if necessary. They will “man up” quickly enough when they have to.
Those who delay children until they “want” them often find that they never want them. Those who delay marriage and family life until they “feel ready” for them often find that they never feel ready. Family planning tells us not to do things until we are ready. Nature, however, does not make us ready for them until they actually happen. Therefore, family planning actually destroys the family.
Family planning is particularly destructive when combined with contraception. Nature’s plan is that we want sex until conception occurs. Then nature makes us want the children we produce, and nature makes us mature enough to take care of them. Contraception allows us to have sex without conception, hence many people never get to the point at which they want children and are mature enough to take care of them.
If family planning is the hammer, contraception is the anvil on which family formation is shattered. The family is crushed from above by misplaced conscientiousness and from below by unbridled hedonism.
As an aside, I would like to suggest a hypothesis about the increasing prevalence of personality disorders in genXers and millennials. How did our ancestors, who were smarter than we are (given centuries of dysgenics), make do with the language of the virtues and vices, as well as the humors and temperaments, without requiring a long litany of personality disorders? I want to suggest that in large part, personality disorders are simply a matter of delayed maturation, and that a major cause of delayed maturation is contraception, since before contraception, actually becoming parents was an important spur to growing up. Indeed, in peaceful, affluent, hedonistic, and liberal societies, there are few others.
If you are a racially conscious white man or woman, if you are in a relationship with someone who is definite marriage material, and if you are having sex and using contraception, you are in a very comfortable trap. If you are waiting to suddenly “feel ready” to marry and start a family, that feeling may never come, and you will be wasting valuable time. Generally speaking, the healthiest children are born to mothers in their 20s. After 30, fertility begins to decline and risks of birth defects rise. The biological clock may prompt women to feel ready, or to plunge ahead ready-or-not, long before men, who have no such pressure.
The only way out of this trap is to throw away contraception and see if you can produce life. When a baby is on the way, you will finally feel like getting married, and you will start thinking like a grownup. When the baby is born, you will be mature enough to handle it, and you will continue to grow along with your children. In short, you need to do exactly the opposite of what both religious conservatives and secular liberals recommend. But if the purpose of marriage is to bear and raise children, shouldn’t you know if you can have children before you tie the knot? And once life is conceived, nature will make the rest of the process a whole lot easier.
2. The Financial Fallacy
There is also a fallacy in the idea that it is wrong to have children before one is financially ready for them. If you were unemployed and unemployable, you might not necessarily be the best breeding stock, but the state will take care of your offspring. You, however, are employed, with prospects for significant growth in your income. Yet you think it is not enough to have a family. But is that really true?
First, what is your standard of “enough”? Chances are, it is far more than what your parents and their parents had growing up, and unimaginable luxury by the standards of most of your forebearers. You don’t have to give your children an upper-middle-class standard of living to give them decent lives. Besides, when they grow up, they would much rather have had brothers and sisters than more toys and vacations.
Second, if you can work harder and earn more, but aren’t yet, perhaps you don’t have the right motivation. Egoism is the common sense of our times, but in truth people work harder when others are depending upon them than if they are just working for themselves. You will work harder and smarter, and better realize your earnings potential, when you have children to support.
Third, when you survey your life at present and wonder how you could afford the time and money to have children, you are assuming that your priorities will remain unchanged, and you will somehow have to fit in a wife and kids. But when you have a family, a lot of the things that are important to you now will no longer matter. Anti-natalists tell you that family life will force you to give up your cherished hobbies and dreams in order to selflessly slave for sniveling brats. In truth, a lot of the stuff you do now will simply seem silly when you see yourself looking back at you in the faces of your children, sniveling or not. Playing video games and goofing around online are not your life. They are what you are doing to avoid having a life. When you get a life, you won’t miss them at all.
Ever since man became self-conscious, he has invented reasons not to have children: ascetic religions, anti-natal philosophies, bourgeois careerism, etc. And there are natural fears that accompany every step forward along life’s path. But the sex drive was always stronger than reason or fear, and so life went on. Contraception, however, has changed everything. Now the sex drive alone is not enough to ensure reproduction. Now one needs reasons. Or at least the intelligent, responsible, and foresighted need reasons. Contraception does not get in the way of the stupid, irresponsible, and impulsive, with obvious dysgenic consequences.
Racially conscious white people have every reason they need to reproduce, and as for your qualms: nature will make you ready, once you take the plunge. The fact that you exist today means that countless generations of ancestors, all of whom faced hardships we cannot imagine, somehow got over their qualms and passed the torch of life to the next generation. That torch is in your hands now. You have to decide whether to pass on their gift, or to render all their striving and sacrifice in vain by extinguishing it in the black pond of your well-indulged ego. Stop listening to your fears and listen to nature instead. It is the voice of your ancestors, stirring within you. Throw out your condoms and your bourgeois calculations, trust nature, and get on with life.
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I am sending this article to every young man I know.
Thank you so much for this article Greg. I really appreciate this practical advice. This is something I have been thinking about a great deal, as I am approaching that point in my life.
One of the issues you mentioned is money, and I have found through some significant hardships of my own in the last few years, how easy it is to live incredibly frugally, yet finding it satisfying as well. Basic, and healthy food is so cheap and easy to prepare. A roof over your head, and food on your table is all you need to have a good life.
People also wonder about how they will give their children ‘the best chance in life’, which is often code for outsourcing, or paying other people to parent your children. All these lessons and training for our children can be done by attentive parents. Even if we don’t know how to do certain things, then learn together. Music can be taught these days with an instrument bought at a second hand store (as many of histories great musicians were self taught). You don’t need to pay exorbitant fees to register for sports when you can give them all the exercise and training at a local field yourself (Pele used to juggle tied up pieces of rags for hours on end). Many museums and art galleries are free, and there are libraries in nearly all western towns. I’m teaching my six year old nephew how to do basic coding, on free websites that can be found on the net.
A final point, is that I have found that being open with women that I am looking forward to starting a family, and even admitting a degree of ‘cluckiness’, seems to be working pretty strongly in my favour. I think many of them (and men too) put up a front that they are indifferent to starting a family so as to not ‘scare away’ potential mates, but really it is an emporers robes situation. Many more people want children than are willing to admit it. Admitting to having a traditional vision of your life may be what sets you apart, for the better, in the dating field.
Go forth and multiply,
Zarathustra ( A clucky alt rightist)
WN men should have children, by all means, but marry? No. That’s a trap.
Sorry to disagree, but it is not true that all people magically become happy with parenthood once the baby arrives. It may be true the majority of the time, but that is because the basic underlying material is there in the individual; they are, deep-down, good organisms. But I hope everyone can see that we are getting more and more biologically degenerate with each generation.
I know a bachelor whose girlfriend got pregnant. He was the epitome of the wild living single man. After the baby was born (he was in his 40s), he couldn’t have been more overjoyed; he married the woman and turned out to be the most involved, loving, proud father imaginable. And that adult son today just adores his father. And I know men who are just the opposite, and a few women, too, who abandoned their kids for a new boyfriend.
But I understand what you are getting at. It’s not a bad idea, though, to point out the exceptions.
Most men work jobs in which they are not connected to the end product, cannot really see what (if anything) they are creating, and what tangible value they add to their company.
Diversity has diminished a sense of civic duty (I’m not getting up at 6am to go serve soup to a bunch of dindus) as well…so if men don’t get satisfaction from their jobs, nor their community, where else can they get it but from their family??
Children are more important than ever to both men and women, because of the immense sense of purpose and satisfaction they give us.
As an aside, two things:
1) Men do not have a biological clock but women do. My husband, nor any of my friend’s boyfriends or husbands EVER wanted them to get pregnant, and they are all obsessed with their kids. (BTW Every over 40 childless woman I know is crazy. Like, all of them.)
2) To the whole “have three kids” mantra. Nah. Have four or five. Why? Once you have two kids, you are not cool, ok? You are never going to burning man again, you can’t afford to fly to Europe, and you need an SUV (probably a minivan). You’re not cool. You’re a parent and all the SWPL bullshit aspirations are gone. The old life is never coming back.
So there you are, with your minivan, and your house in the suburbs, your rushed happy hour in the backyard, and your roadtrip vacations to the lake. Might as well have a big family. All the big expenses (stroller, crib, clothes) are taken care of. All you need is diapers and food. After the third one, they basically raise themselves.
And seriously what a giant shining middle finger to the current (((establishment))) If anything, do it to rustle some jimmies. I kind of am.
Welcome. Very nicely said.
Excellent article. I’ll add that paternal age affects the health of children too. Older fathers are more likely to have autistic children, for instance.
I enjoyed this article greatly. I have to say that in my own experience, though, the reluctance is not from fear of inadequacy, but fear of divorce, and the damaging effects it will have primarily on the kids, but also on me, my psyche (limited visitation), and my finances — both the initial split and the ongoing child support payments.
It seems to me that marriage works best inside a social structure that incentivizes it and strongly stigmatizes divorce. But in the west, we sort of have the opposite, and there is not much stopping the wife from blowing it up for any of a number of reasons. It’s one thing to bring white children into the world. and another to involuntarily imprint massive dysfunction on them at a young age and be forced to stand aside powerlessly while they grow up to become leftist drug addicts who hate their father for what they perceive as abandonment.
I acknowledge that it can be a worthwhile gamble even despite the risks, and I find it inspiring to read about people who have found ways to make it work inside this Cultural Marxist zoo.
The alternative is no children, though. It’s self extinction- WILLFUL self extinction- exactly what they want.
Having children is the most basic tenent of “taking your own side.”
They rigged the game so you won’t play. Is the answer then to admit defeat?
In my case the children were the father of the man when, both of us still only 18, my girl gave birth to twin daughters. In all truth, until I saw those babies, I was half thinking of doing a bunk: in no way was I ready to be a father. But, when I saw the twins, 5 minutes after being born, I saw my future and it was them. No questions, no reservations, none at all
Damn. That was 37 years ago, still married, the twins and their later sister, all mothers
Dr. Johnson I appreciate the meditative and ethical style of this open letter. I notice their is a Dutch translation. I’ve read before in normie rags like the economist that more than half of Dutch women opt to stay out or seek part-time work. This suggests to me that getting women out of the workforce although a necessary component of increasing fertility rates is not sufficient. I note that the Russian’s have managed to raise their fertility rate by .4% over the last decade.
I have the sense that Europeans in Western Europe are waiting even longer to begin families and have children than we American Whites. I haven’t seen the most recent number in that regard but I’d be surprised if American whites didn’t have a higher total fertility rate than at least 16 out of the 18 western European countries.
Seems to me that the social conditions and social alienation constricts the supply of wholesome means of meeting a quality mate.
Dr. Johnson what is the best means of purchasing a copy of Conquest of a Continent by Madison Grant?
I have some hardcovers of Conquest of a Continent. Write to me at [email protected].
Perhaps you could write an open letter for those of us who are homosexual.
I suppose surrogacy is an option, but it’s terribly expensive. Then there’s the issue of raising the child as a single parent, etc.
It seems intuitively obvious that optimal psychological development requires a parent of both sexes. If so, then homosexual couples shouldn’t have kids. I would not allow them to adopt. Nor would I allow surrogacy. I suppose there is no way to prevent lesbians from buying turkey basters, but one could prevent them from marrying, and I think that there should be a legal assumption that an unwed mother is an unfit mother. Single parenting should never be considered normal or desirable. The children of single parents get half the parenting of children with two parents. Imagine everything you got from your parents (assuming you had two of them). Then imagine it cut in half. Now ask yourself: would your well-being have been affected by that? Of course. There is no way to prevent spouses from dying, but we can strengthen marriage, and the legal presumption that single parents are unfit parents would help that task.
I definitely agree. If things weren’t as bad as they are, most homosexuals would be married to persons of the opposite sex, and they’d have children. I suppose there are some women out their hip enough to marry a man who says he’s bisexual, but I don’t think there are many like that among the racially aware.
When I mentioned surrogacy, I wasn’t thinking of a “Heather has two daddies” set up. I find that notion absurd, and if homosexuals do have children, I think only one of the partners should act as parent. But that’s not an ideal set up anyway, so.
In current circumstances, then, I guess the only things a WN homosexual can do are write, donate, or sit back and watch.
Great article, I have been preaching similar points to my cousins and some of my younger friends. A few years ago I had an opportunity to marry a wonderful woman and came to the conclusion that I may not be ready to have kids, but I don’t want to wait until I’m too old. I was in my mid-twenties and had just got back from Iraq and read Patrick Buchanan’s Death of the West, and so I decided that I didn’t want to be an evolutionary dead end and I wanted to contribute to our demographic vibrancy. I always tell them that no one is ever ready for kids and that you just have to have them and it will just work out fine. Me and my wife got married 4 and a half years ago and she stopped taking the pill the day we got married. We now have a 3 and a half year old son, a 14 month year old daughter, and my wife is six months pregnant with another baby girl and I have no intention of quitting. My wife still has 10 years left until she hits 40, we can have at least 3 more, if not 4…maybe 5.
I’m not sure if the animals “want to” have sex. But I think they “need to”.
Very nice Article.
Despite the discomfort I experienced reading this, it rang true to my ears. Although I am somewhat skeptical of some of the assertions made, ultimately the goal and point are healthy and correct. I do still have some comments, however.
Th greatest thing holding me back from having children right now is my fear of not being able to provide for them and my wife sufficiently—sufficiently enough that they are able to live good lives free from financial suffering and enough for my wife to not see me, at least on some level, as one unable to provide well for her and our children. She assures me as long as I work hard for our family she is not worried about it, but I also know she likes shopping. Maybe I shouldn’t let my pride get the best of me and accept a little humility here, for my children’s sake?
It is difficult because in my career choice I am both subject to PC purges and will not make a great deal of money. I have minimal student loans right now which I will need to pay back soon but my girlfriend only recently started college, has loans and no money besides what her mom gives her, and has little earning potential right now. I am currently living off of student loans. She wants children and so do I but even with my considerable dedication to our cause I am having a hard time justifying having them now. It seems to make a lot more sense to wait a little while, make some money while she finishes school. Move to the Northwest, buy a small house somewhere close to others like us to raise our children together being part of our own community.
If I were to have children now, I don’t think I’d ever be able to move to the Northwest (or at least somewhere safe) or have the financial assets/freedom to dedicate a substantial amount of my time to our cause. So maybe in my specific case I should wait a little while? That is the answer—the conclusion I come to—when I ask myself the question, “what can I do that will benefit my folk the most?” I’ll need at least some resources, as well as children.
Also: when you say,
And the same is true for women too. This is the answer to the fashionable female complaint that they just can’t find men mature enough to marry. Marry them first. Quietly flush your birth control pills if necessary. They will “man up” quickly enough when they have to.
Are you actually advocating that women deceive and trick their men into getting them pregnant?
That seems a little extreme and underhanded. Hardly the kind of foundation you want to build a solid marriage on.
If my wife/girlfriend were willing to lie to me about something that big and life changing, it would imply a fundamental lack of respect proving she is not wife material. I won’t pretend to speak for anyone else but my woman respecting me is a necessity in a relationship/marriage. It is not up for debate.
Bertrand Russell once said “the problem with the world is that the intelligent are full of doubt, while the stupid are cocksure.”
I think the same thing applies to human attraction and procreation. All the right people are often introverts, riddled with anxiety and social doubt, overthinking the process of meeting someone and having children, hence the low birth rates of the more intelligent peoples of the world, seen on the national scale in Japan and Germany.
On the other hand, of course, massive and mindless overbreeding in ghettos and places like Nigeria. Completely animalistic “muh dik” breeding without the slightest forethought, planning, or even intention to care for and raise the children right. This may have been necessary when large agrarian populations were needed, but with mechanization of farming and our deindustrialized service economy…those people are simply no longer necessary, and are a tremendous burden under the welfare state…which of course ensures vastly more of them being born, and incentivizes irresponsibility.
We thus end up with a pyramid effect on human quality, too few of the smart, decent people, and far too many of the useless, mindless masses of low iq brown humanity whom I fear will swarm and overwhelm us all. They’re already doing it, and their numbers will be exponentially skyrocketing upward in the next few decades.
While the loftier peoples of the world do need to have more children, that’s a fruitless and unwinnable race until the real goal is realized: we absolutely have to do something about the breeding rates of all the worst, most dependent, and irresponsible people, both in our countries and in places like Nigeria, which they will be pouring out of in human invasions that dwarf the 2015 Islamic invasion of Europe.
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