How I Beat ADD, OCD, & Autism

3,288 words

A little while back, I took part in the Dissident Right survey. One part of it had to do with personality. This includes various quirks. A brief section asked if I had ADD, OCD, or autism. How was I to answer? Although I never got any such diagnosis, earlier I might well have qualified for all three of these things, especially if judged according to today’s standards.

If I were one of those intersectional deviationists calling themselves progressives, I’d have a little something to brag about! With them, bad is good. So problems like that are equivalent to the entry-level medals you get in the Army, like for being able to shoot straight. If you’re a white male cisgendered heterosexual in those circles, you need all the merit badges you can get. But things are different around here, and it makes me feel a little weird even discussing what kind of a nut I was.

Fortunately, all that stuff was in the past. Simply put, I got over it. I didn’t need pills or talk therapy. Hopefully all this is of use to someone who wants to get rid of some quirks. The mind is self-programming software, and you can be your own hacker. If you really do need pills or a head shrinker, that’s your call and I won’t fault anyone for it, but maybe this will help someone skip all the expense.

Hyper No More

When I was in grade school, I knew only one of my fellow students who was “hyper.” He was the only one on medication, something that would be a miraculous statistical anomaly lately. He was remarkably chill during class, but when the pills wore off, he was filled with boundless energy. It was as if a spring under great tension suddenly were released. I suppose I was the second most hyper, but I wasn’t diagnosed as such and never took pills for it.

I didn’t meet another student on meds until three years later, a retarded kid who unfortunately was so far gone that school was a matter of government daycare rather than education. Despite considerable efforts, they kept having great difficulty getting his dosage right. Looking back on it, I’m not sure if he really did suffer from hyperactivity as it’s usually understood. It seems more likely that it was a result of having an infant’s mentality and being subject to the tantrums that come with it. Since he was about seventeen, keeping him docile surely was difficult.

Later, the terminology was updated to ADD/ADHD, short for “attention deficit disorder / hyperactivity disorder.” With the expanded definition, the scope has increased too. It’s sort of like defining deviancy down, but in the other direction. By now, probably close to one in ten boys are on meds these days.

How’s that for defining deviancy up! Surely the Big Pharma companies love it. (This is nothing new. In earlier generations, “soothing syrups” were commonly used to chill down screaming rug rats. These contained the opiate laudanum, or some other tincture of alcohol and hard drugs which would get you put in prison if you gave that to a kid these days.) If I were young again and in school now, by contemporary standards, I very likely would get an ADD diagnosis. I’d be medicated until I had no more thoughts of getting up out of my chair.

I’d be in good fictional company too. If the archetypal American kid, Tom Sawyer, were attending school lately, he’d certainly be doped up to the gills. Huckleberry Finn probably would be too. For that matter, he’d be in a trailer park if he were lucky, and in foster care if he weren’t. Both would be on a first name basis with the truant officer. Becky would be nonbinary, trying out some new pronouns for size, and eagerly awaiting the day she could get a pecker and a chest binder. The teacher, rather than sneaking a peek at his favorite NSFW drawing, would be lining up GRINDR dates between lessons. How times have changed!

When I entered school, the administration recommended that I be skipped forward two grades. My parents declined to reduce my prison sentence, unfortunately. (It would’ve been nice to be spared from two years of boredom, and I can only wonder how life could’ve been different.) I can’t speak for anyone else, but I learned hardly anything in kindergarten and first grade. For years to come, my fellow students often accused me of “using big words,” and math was too easy. Most of my classroom experience was like watching paint dry. Of course I acted out. When teachers were condescending, that was like waving a red flag in front of a bull.

Eventually my failure to behave as well as my classmates, who were assuredly all perfect little angels, caught up to me. As for what the educational system had in store for me in middle school, the less said, the better. Suffice it to say that it’s along the lines of the Japanese proverb, “The nail that sticks out will get hammered down.”

What’s going on with ADD/ADHD, really? Is all this just about lack of attention? Maybe it is for some. More likely, if you take a hyperactive kid and put him in front of a good video game, he’ll be engrossed for hours! So it seems that the real problem, at least in some cases, might be just a low tolerance for boredom. In my case, I was stuck in classes far below my ability. Another way of putting it might be that it’s about youngsters failing to conform to adult norms. Maybe they’re immature because they’re not mature. It’s one of those things we grow out of over time. If you watch kittens and puppies at play, it starts to become clear that high energy, curiosity, and playfulness are simply characteristics of youth so universal that even our favorite little furballs act “hyper.” Sure there’s a normal range to all that, beyond which is deemed a problem, but there’s been quite a bit of defining deviancy up in recent times.

As for my way out of ADD, enrolling in college did it for me. I’d been a big slacker in high school, but still got decent grades. I realized that I couldn’t count on coasting by like that any longer. I’d have to figure out how to plan my schedule and buckle down. Getting organized is a learned skill, how about that? Concentrating is a learned skill too, even if it comes with more difficulty to some. Fortunately I was learning a lot of new stuff, rather than going over what I already knew much of the time. Engineering calculus is more mind-expanding than magic mushrooms! Anyway, it wasn’t until my senior year that I met a college student with an official ADD diagnosis. Hyperactivity was beginning to be a booming industry. I found out that there were all sorts of modifications and special accommodations for them – for example, unlimited times to take tests in a room free of distractions. That sure was a new one for me! I could’ve gotten in on all that too, but I didn’t, since I figured out how to manage just fine by then.

So that’s it – concentration is something that can be improved on, as well as organization. I got by without pills all along. Maybe some others really do need them, but I didn’t. Perhaps learning meditation helped a bit too. ADD doesn’t have to be a permanent affliction.

Obsessive-compulsive No More

I never got diagnosed as obsessive-compulsive, but I’m certain I had it, and with no “defining deviancy up” necessary. This happens differently for different people, but there are some common themes. Some OCD sufferers repetitively wash their hands, sometimes even to the point they damage their skin. That’s not my experience of it, but some other symptoms were quite a drag.

Sometimes I’d count things for no good reason, though that much wasn’t bothersome. A few phrases would make me cringe for no good reason. I’d get intrusive thoughts of a blasphemous nature. (I’ve heard that this can even happen to atheists, and be just as troublesome.) Quite often I’d get the idea that I had to walk in a very specific path, or do something else in an exact way, or something dreadful would happen. If you take butterfly effect theory way too far, then you might even imagine that your intuition is telling you something important. It’s silly, I know, but that’s how it was. All this amounted to a big, distressing pain in the neck.

Then at some point in my early 20s, I thought it over and concluded that these intrusive impulses were irrational. I determined that I was going to stop letting myself be controlled by superstitious thoughts like that. So from then on, if I got the idea that I’d better walk to the right of a tree ahead or else, I’d pointedly ignore it and go left as I’d intended before. I’d firmly tell myself that there’s no cause-and-effect relationship between walking the “wrong” way and the or else thing.

It was difficult at first, but not like pulling teeth or anything. After a couple of weeks, the intrusive impulses were easier to resist. Eventually they weren’t there at all. It was like breaking a bad habit. When that happened, I was surprised to find that the other symptoms were gone too. The blasphemous thoughts stopped, and the odd urge to count things, and so on. That stuff is long gone, and I certainly prefer it that way.

Spergy No More

Much like hyperactivity, autism has undergone a “defining deviancy up” process. Back in the 1970s, an autist was an unfortunate kid who’d rock in a corner for hours at a time, and maybe grow up to be a basket case. It was quite a rare condition back then. Now, autism is considered to be a spectrum, and a lot more common. At the more high-functioning end is Asperger Syndrome.

The name might be changing, though. It turns out that this was documented in Germany in 1944. Naturally, anything that has the least bit whatsoever to do with the Third Reich must be covered in hysterical obloquy, or if not that, then quietly dropped into the memory hole. For that reason, there’s an effort to rename it Sukhareva Syndrome, in honor of a psychiatrist from the Soviet Union. So much better! How’s that’s for bravely taking a stand against totalitarianism?

According to popular culture, being a sperg is more or less identical with being a nerd. Whether this is really so by the clinical definition is rather iffy. The only one who openly accused me of it is a former relative whose life is an absolute wreck because she won’t quit guzzling booze. (Physician, heal thyself.) Although I’ve never been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome and probably don’t really qualify, I will confess to being a nerd, so I guess I’m sort of stuck with it. I used to play Dungeons & Dragons a lot, which is a diagnostic qualifier according to the DSM-IV.

How do I sperg out? Let me count the ways. Crimeny. . . So I’m told, I make allusions to literature the way other people allude to TV shows. But who the hell reads books these days? Now that I think of it, I should add that “Let me count the ways” is a reference to a Renaissance poem beginning “How do I love thee?” If I remember it right, that one’s from a compendium of Portuguese sonnets, though Shakespeare would be my next guess. I could look it up to be sure about it, but that would be cheating. Now you’ve seen how easy it is for me to sperg out.

I do have quite an active sense of humor. Sometimes I find it hard to take things seriously. I have a very deadpan delivery, almost like Monty Python, so it’s not always obvious that I’m being witty. (I wasn’t serious about Dungeons & Dragons being a clinical sign of Asperger Syndrome, for example. Did you think I meant it?) If I tell an obscure joke, the reaction will be one of the following:

1. If the listener gets it, then it will be good for a nice chuckle, and perhaps deliciously funny.
2. A listener who doesn’t understand can ask what it’s all about. Explaining a joke ruins the humor, but the listener will still come away better informed.
3. The final alternative is to conclude that I’m a complete space cadet. This is the favored approach by those who habitually stew in mindless, bovine ignorance. Yeah, I’m the one with the problem, not someone too lazy to ask what I meant.

Sometimes I’ll throw in a few too many foreign phrases, or even way too many. Yeah, it’s a bad habit, but come on! Americans do have a reputation of only speaking one language. (Lately, quite often it’s Spanish, of course.) It wasn’t always that way. High schools used to teach Greek, though one is lucky even to find Latin classes lately. Being conversant in several languages was once quite common. It’s useful, too. For example, Aleister Crowley’s Magick In Theory and Practice promises:

I have written this book to help the Banker, the Pugilist, the Biologist, the Poet, the Navvy, the Grocer, the Factory Girl, the Mathematician, the Stenographer, the Golfer, the Wife, the Consul — and all the rest — to fulfil themselves perfectly, each in his or her own proper function.

Even so, it’s quite helpful for all these salt-of-the-Earth folks to have some classical language knowledge so they can figure out what he means by this θελημα thing, and especially when good old Frater Perdurabo wallops the reader with much longer passages.

Anyway, I think back on the great scholars of earlier times, such as J. R. R. Tolkien, Revilo P. Oliver, and Edgar Polomé – compared to them, I’m quite an amateur at all this. But yeah, I’m out of step with the times. Still, to anyone who can’t handle my bad habit, I’m tempted to say as Catullus once said: “Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo.” (If you know, you know; if you don’t, you don’t wanna.) But I really shouldn’t; again, this is a bad habit.

Besides that, I have a specialized vocabulary. Some of it is for friends rather than for public consumption. Still, someone else who overhears it might conclude that I’m a complete space cadet. (That’s what nosy people get for listening in on private conversations!) For example, when I refer to the Lizard People, my girlfriend knows exactly who I really mean. Although it’s a meme that’s old as dirt, I don’t suppose anyone here can figure that one out, right?

So how did I get over spergdom? There’s no cure for being a nerd. One must be careful about admitting to liking Dungeons & Dragons! Still, I can be more relatable. I’m working on it. I won’t even bother claiming my neurodiversity merit badge. Life’s too short for all that. It’s just about making an effort to speak in a way that the listener will understand. This stuff isn’t rocket science.

Being Relatable

From the political angle, that’s rather relevant to us. One example I heard is that you shouldn’t send the Party philosopher to do outreach with farmers. Then there’s George Lincoln Rockwell’s famous “hog jowls” discourse about tailoring the message to the audience. (Basically, save the intellectual approach for those who will appreciate it, the lowbrow approach for those who will respond positively to it, and a midwit approach is suitable for midwits.) Another thing I’ve heard is that delivering Red Pills is like defusing a bomb, in which you have to cut the wires in a specific order. That really should speak for itself, but since I don’t want to risk being too obscure yet again or wrongly assume that I’ve made it clear enough, here’s what it means for us.

If you’re talking with the usual sort of Fox News addict, this is probably someone who isn’t entirely too enlightened, yet. This can take a while, so don’t put the cart before the horse. For an analogy here, you wouldn’t introduce advanced algebra to a third grader who has just learned how to multiply two-digit numbers. Taking someone for a deep dive down the rabbit hole will be too much at first. For example, discussing the Lizard People (ahem) isn’t a very good opener. The topic will have to come up eventually. Still, remember that Fox News doesn’t prepare viewers for that stuff, to say the least! If you’re asked directly, it’s OK to give a general rundown, but even then you’ll have to spoon-feed the information a bit at a time.

Save other complex topics for later too. If you go right in with both feet immediately, you’ll probably get a bad reaction and be written off as a nut. There may be a lot to say about skullduggery at the upper echelons, but you’ll lose your audience if you go too far outside of their experience level. Much of the public is under the impression that democracy works as advertised. The Fox News addict you’re talking with is probably a nice person who associates with other nice people and just can’t imagine the sort of sociopathic behavior that all too often goes on in the corridors of power. Besides, the entire truth is a lot for a newcomer to process all at once, so shock and demoralization could result from going into it too quickly.

This caveat applies to discussing elaborate plots, of course. There are some who tend to think of the usual dark forces as a Grand Unified Conspiracy headed by the Illuminati, the Martians, bird watchers, or whatever. Indeed there are plenty of networks outside of plain sight, maybe more than even we might imagine, but that doesn’t mean any one group or individual is running the whole show. Some of what goes on is less a matter of covert coordination and more about like-minded interests going in the same direction. If necessary, you can refer to them as “dark forces” and leave it at that.

For a practical example of being relatable, I was in an online forum when the usual sort of anarcho-freeloader was carrying on in the usual way. She was really making an ass of herself, which the other commenters helpfully pointed out, but that only encourages those types and tweaks their rebellion circuits. (Shaming the shameless won’t work.) I didn’t throw back insults, since that wasn’t going to convince her. Her typical reply to everyone was flippant one-liners to insinuate that she loathed our kind of unfashionable political views, as if this were some sort of refutation. She tried to do that with me as well, challenging me to say that I really just had it in for the Lizard People. (I hadn’t even mentioned the tunnel-dwelling reptilian darlings.) I was tempted to ask why she was shilling for them since they certainly don’t care the least bit about her, but I didn’t take the bait.

Instead, I stuck to the substance of the discussion. I clarified why freeloading is bad in terms that she could understand. For one thing, robbing the hard-working Peter to pay the “disadvantaged” Paul simply disadvantages Peter, and that’s not progress. She had nothing further to say. Fortunately, I didn’t have to explain what real socialists think about social parasitism! I don’t think I cured her of being an anarcho-freeloader snowflake, and she still doesn’t have any awareness of who programmed these silly ideas into her head. But perhaps I at least brought her one footstep closer toward adulthood.