Salman Rushdie Finally Gets Stabbed
Apparently, Allah gets very upset when people disrespect him. Apparently, Allah is more thin-skinned than Frank Sinatra. I’ve never quite understood how a divine entity can have his feelings hurt by mere mortals, but I’ve read enough of the Koran to realize that Allah is mercurial to the point where his mental condition might require medication.
For the last 34 years, ever since he published The Satanic Verses — which many fundamentalist ragheads found to be intensely hurtful toward both Allah and his One True Prophet — India-born former Muslim and current atheist Salman Rushdie has been the world’s most prominent Allah-disrepecter.
The Satanic Verses was banned in Iran. The year after its publication, Grand Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini issued a fatwa calling for Rushdie’s death. Although Khomeini died later that year, the fatwa has never been rescinded. For over three decades, Rushdie has had a three-million-dollar bounty hanging over his head like a Sword of Damocles.
An estimated 45 or more people have been killed in rioting over the book. In 1989, a certain Mustafa Mahmoud Mazeh ascended to paradise after a premature explosion of a book bomb he’d intended to detonate in Rushdie’s vicinity. Instead, the bomb took out two floors of a London hotel. A shrine to Mazeh in Tehran’s Behesht Zahra cemetery bears the inscription “Martyred in London, 3 August 1989. The first martyr to die on a mission to kill Salman Rushdie.”
Two years later, a Japanese translator of The Satanic Verses was stabbed to death. That same year, an Italian translator was stabbed but survived. In 1993, the Norwegian publisher of The Satanic Verses was shot three times and also lived.
On Friday, while attempting to give a lecture in western New York State about how the United States has served as a sanctuary for exiled writers, Rushdie was stabbed an estimated ten times. He suffered a damaged liver, severed nerves in one arm, and likely the loss of one eye. He is expected to survive.
Clearly, Allah needs to hire better assassins.
The event’s moderator, 73-year-old Henry Reese, co-founded an organization that offers support for persecuted writers. He was also scheduled to speak but instead suffered a facial injury during the attack.
According to Kathleen James, who was in the audience, the attacker was dressed in black and wore a black mask. “We thought perhaps it was part of a stunt to show that there’s still a lot of controversy around this author,” she said. “But it became evident in a few seconds” that it wasn’t a stunt.
According to police, there were no metal detectors or security searches at the event. If the one-eyed ex-Muzzie author pulls through as it looks like he will, he’ll have one hell of a lawsuit against the venue.
New Mexico Serial Killer of Muslims is Found — and He’s a Muslim, Too
In further murderous news about the Religion of Peace, the arid and meth-ridden town of Albuquerque, New Mexico has been plagued — or blessed, depending on how you feel about Islam — by the murders of four Muslim men that started last November when 62-year-old Mohammad Ahmadi was shot dead in a parking lot outside a halal supermarket.
In late July and early August, three more Muslim men were killed, leading to predictable outrage about hate, intolerance, and Islamophobia. All three of them attended Albuquerque’s largest mosque, the Islamic Center of New Mexico, and all three were shot near Central Avenue, the main drag in downtown Albuquerque.
“The targeted killings of Muslim residents of Albuquerque is deeply angering and wholly intolerable,” New Mexico Governor Michelle Lujan Grisham recently tweeted.
All of the victims were of Pakistani or Muslim descent, and their murders stirred up not only terror within Albuquerque’s tiny Islamic community but within the broader American public who’ve been brainwashed into thinking that there is no possible justification for fearing Muslims.
Now that a suspect has been arrested, it turns out that the murders were indeed inspired by anti-Muslim hate, but of the intramural variety. On Tuesday, police took 51-year-old Muhammad Syed into custody and have formally charged him with two of the killings and suspect him of the other two. The alleged motive is that Syed is a Sunni Muslim who was angered by the fact that his daughter had allegedly married a Shi’ite Muslim.
Sunnis and Shi’ites, whose main doctrinal squabble centers around who was Muhammad’s legitimate successor, are like Catholics and Protestants except for the fact that Catholics and Protestants no longer engage in centuries-long wars against each other. The worst that Catholics and Protestants do to one another these days is squabble on Reddit threads, whereas Sunnis and Shi’ites hate one another as ferociously as they both hate Jews.
But although the Sunni/Shi’ite schism is an ongoing source of bloodshed in the Middle East, Edward Ahmed Mitchell, director of the Council on American-Islamic Relations, says that “There is no significant history of violence at all in the US between Shi’as and Sunnis.”
Well, there’s a first time for everything, and the first time is usually not the last. Praise be to Allah for things such as diversity and open immigration.
IRS is Hiring Agents Who are “Willing to Use Deadly Force”
The recently passed $485-billion Inflation Reduction Act — and we all know that nothing reduces inflation more quickly than piling another half-trillion dollars on the national debt — sets aside $80 billion to beef up the IRS and enables its agents to harass, hound, heckle, and even kill the average Working Joe Taxpayer, who ironically is paying the salaries of the IRS agents assigned to harass him.
Reports vary, but the bill will roughly double the number of extant IRS employees, which would give the agency more workers than the FBI, Pentagon, State Department, and Border Patrol combined.
In case you were unaware, the IRS is the real US government. None of the other tentacles of the federal octopus would be able to exist without the Internal Revenue Service fleecing Americans of their earnings and wasting the money on programs that very few Americans would ever greenlight if directly given the authority to give them a thumbs up or thumbs down. The IRS is the closest thing the United States has to an institutional Mafia.
On Tuesday, the Biden Administration averred that no one earning less than $400K a year would be subject to the financial sodomy of an audit. Then, an amendment to the bill was quietly slipped in that removed that stipulation. In its current form, the bill enables the IRS to go after whomever they choose.
In 2021, according to the Washington Post, more than half of those audited made less than $75,000 a year. More than 40% of those audited received the earned income tax credit, which was designed to aid those who are barely subsisting above the poverty level. Y’see, it’s easier to go after the poor and working class for tax violations because they don’t have the wherewithal to hire a battalion of accountants to thread all the loopholes, nor do they have the means to hire squadrons of lawyers to fight back.
Notably, every Democrat voted to slip in that amendment, and every Republican voted against it. The Democrats have no qualms about squeezing blood from working-class turnips. They have officially become the party of the rich.
In the original version of a listing the agency posted for the job of “IRS Criminal Investigation Agent,” one of the major “duties” listed was: “Carry a firearm and be willing to use deadly force, if necessary.”
Then, maybe realizing that the whole thing about using deadly force against taxpayers might not be a good look, they removed that line.
When you intend to kill people, it’s prudent not to give them advance warning.
Man with “Extremist Ties” Attacks Cincinnati IRS Building with a Nail Gun
In case you were wondering what an “extremist” is, it’s someone whose views were entirely mainstream 50 years ago.
After FBI agents raided Donald Trump’s Mar-a-Lago residence on Monday, murmurs burbled up on Right-wing social media like the boiling mud pots of Yellowstone National Park that this injustice would not stand and that it was time to eliminate the FBI by force if necessary, as if there’d be any other conceivable way of eliminating it.
In the days following the raid on Mar-a-Lago, 42-year-old Ricky Shiffer of Columbus, Ohio — assuming he was a real human being rather than a decoy cyborg invented in a federal lab — started posting on social media that it was time to engage in violent combat with the feds and kill them if necessary.
On Twitter, he claimed that he attended the Capitol Disaster on January 6 and implied that the crowd’s unruly elements were either antifa members or government plants:
I was there. We watched as your goons did that. When I told the ones trying to break back in that Trump tweeted be peaceful, one of them said, “Fuck Trump.”
In another post, he endorsed murdering federal agents:
Be ready to kill the enemy, not mass shootings where leftists go, not lighting busses on fire with transexuals [sic] in them, not finding people with lefist [sic] signs in their yards and beating them up, Violence is not terrorism. Kill the F.B.I. on sight, and be ready to take down other active enemies of the people and those who try to prevent you from doing it.
In his last tweet, he encouraged readers to align themselves with the Proud Boys — who to my knowledge were founded in 2016 rather than 1776 and have never advocated overthrowing the US government — and help them overthrow the US government:
Save ammunition, get in touch with the Proud Boys and learn how they did it in the Revolutionary War, because submitting to tyranny while lawfully protesting was never the American way.
On Tuesday on the conservative-leaning social-media site Truth Social, Shiffer reiterated his call for violence:
People, this is it. I hope a call to arms comes from someone better qualified, but if not, this is your call to arms from me. Leave work tomorrow as soon as the gun shop/Army-Navy store/pawn shop opens, get whatever you need to be ready for combat. We must not tolerate this one.
On Thursday morning around 9 AM EST, Shiffer entered an IRS building in Cincinnati and began firing at the facility’s bulletproof-glass protective barrier with a nail gun, apparently figuring that if bullets couldn’t penetrate it, nails would do the trick. When the nails failed to shatter the glass and an alarm began sounding, Shiffer fled the scene, hopped in his car, and motored about 20 miles south until the feds caught up and cornered him. During an extended standoff, this creature of the digital age found time to post the following on Truth Social:
Well, I thought I had a way through bullet proof [sic] glass, and I didn’t. If you don’t hear from me, it is true I tried attacking the F.B.I., and it’ll mean either I was taken off the internet, the F.B.I. got me, or they sent the regular cops while —
— and the post ended there with the word “while.”
After he hoisted an AR-15 rifle during the standoff, the feds shot him dead. Or at least that’s how it’s being reported. I haven’t been able to examine the alleged corpse. Perhaps Shiffer was a lone wolf who snapped. Or maybe it was a government op. But the super-convenient timing and rhetoric makes this event stink like a bucket of fish in the Mojave Desert.
If Men Had Periods, They Still Wouldn’t Be as Whiny and Bitchy as Women
At some dim point more than two millennia ago, the author of Ecclesiastes famously opined that there’s nothing new under the sun.
Nowadays, in a copycat world drowning in postmodernism, things are less new than they were two thousand years ago.
A 1978 article in Ms. magazine by Gloria Steinem called “If Men Could Menstruate” proved to be so popular that people continue to shamelessly plagiarize it. Steinem wrote:
A white minority of the world has spent centuries conning us into thinking that a white skin makes people superior — even though the only thing it really does is make them more subject to ultraviolet rays and to wrinkles. . . . What would happen, for instance, if suddenly, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? . . . The answer is clear — menstruation would become an enviable, boast-worthy, masculine event: Men would brag about how long and how much. . . . Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free.
Steinem used the word “white” in the first sentence, but the title at least referred to men in general. And this was the 1970s, when a case could be made that at least a few white men were still in charge of a few things.
An undated essay called “If Men Had Periods” — not so far off at all from “If Men Could Menstruate” — rips off Steinem’s conceit about free feminine-hygiene products:
If men had periods, there would be free menstrual products in every single bathroom. Companies would sweat over this expense no more than they sweat over toilet paper, because they would acknowledge that whilst not every person poops every time they go to the bathroom, it’s a pretty rough day when you’re caught at the times you do with no paper.
A 2015 essay titled “ ‘If Men Had Periods’ How Would Life Be Different?” seems to imply that menstruation has been the main obstacle preventing women from, you know, inventing anything that has ever been invented:
If men had periods, the world would probably be a very different place . . . us men would be able to use NASA-derived manpon [sic] products. But beyond having to keep a rocket in my pocket, if men had periods, women and girls would presumably face far fewer obstacles in life.
Now comes an essay by a a greasy-haired, dog-faced woman named Sarah Lehman called “IF CIS STRAIGHT WHITE MEN MENSTRUATED,” and it continues to peddle the archaic notion that men are privileged in this society:
We do everything we can to make life easier for cisgender straight white men. . . . Men should be forgiven for anything they say during their period. We don’t care if he made a snide comment about your gray hair. . . . We hope this letter reinforces that we care about cishet white men above anyone else. Stay tuned for additional guidance regarding their pregnancy in the coming weeks.
The essay was signed “The Patriarchy.”
So the only thing they’ve added are the “cis” and “het” parts. In the 44 years that have passed since Steinem’s article, they’ve found two new ways to demonize normal people.
Even though women live longer, control more personal wealth than men, and have the legal and societal benefit of the doubt in any conflict with a man, they’re still flogging this notion that men are privileged.
There’s a reason for misogyny. That reason is women.
Brown Man Writes Novel Called The Last White Man
The 1970 Melvin Van Peebles satirical film Watermelon Man starred black comedian Godfrey Cambridge as a white bigot who wakes up one day to discover to his horror that he has transformed into a black man. The film was not exactly kind to the notion of whiteness. Then again, it wasn’t outright genocidal toward white people, either.
The same cannot be said of The Last White Man, a novel by the bald, smirking, big-eared British Pakistani author Mohsin Hamid. Like Watermelon Man, its device is reminiscent of Kafka’s “The Metamorphosis”: “One morning, Anders, a white man, woke up to find he had turned a deep and undeniable brown.”
I suppose it’s true that both non-white humans and cockroaches are “an undeniable brown.”
Unlike Watermelon Man, though, everyone on Earth turns “an undeniable brown.” According to a review of the novel in The Spectator, “Calm eventually settles when the world’s population turns brown and white people become a distant memory.”
I’ve had enough white genocide for this week. See you next week.
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