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Print December 30, 2015

Femmes fortes

Michael J. Polignano

908 words

English original here

« Vous avez simplement peur des femmes fortes ! ». Je ne peux pas compter le nombre de fois où j’ai entendu cette accusation lancée contre des hommes qui ont rompu avec leur petite amie après s’être fatigués de leurs postures et bouffonneries féministes.

Je le reconnais : j’ai peur des « femmes fortes ». Il y a de bonnes raisons de ne pas les aimer et même de les craindre. 

Examinons la définition actuelle des « femmes fortes ». Les « femmes fortes » ne sont pas celles qui peuvent soulever des objets lourds, porter des paniers sur leur tête, et ainsi de suite. Les « femmes fortes » ne sont pas celles qui peuvent porter avec dignité les chagrins de la vie et de la mort. Les « femmes fortes » ne sont pas celles qui, en plus des fardeaux de la maternité, assument héroïquement les responsabilités de pères morts, dysfonctionnels, divorcés, ou autrement absents.

Non, « femmes fortes » signifie aujourd’hui : des femmes qui peuvent faire absolument tout ce qu’un homme peut faire, aussi bien ou même mieux, et qui n’ont donc pas besoin des hommes. Comme dit le dicton, une « femme forte » a besoin d’un homme comme un poisson a besoin d’une bicyclette (c’est sûrement l’une des analogies les plus stupides et les plus laides à avoir jamais atteint le statut élevé de cliché).

Mais il est bon d’être nécessaire : nécessaire émotionnellement, pas seulement pour des tâches physiques comme faire le ménage, écraser les araignées, et décoincer les couvercles des pots de confiture. Quel est l’homme qui au fond de lui préférerait une femme qui n’a pas besoin de lui à une femme qui a besoin de lui ? Le seul homme qui préfère une femme qui n’a pas besoin de lui n’a pas vraiment besoin d’elle non plus. Elle peut lui être utile pendant un moment, pour le sexe ou pour lui tenir compagnie. Mais pourquoi risquerait-il un engagement émotionnel profond – pourquoi risquerait-il d’avoir besoin d’elle – si elle souligne constamment qu’elle n’a pas du tout besoin de lui ?

Les hommes ont des mœurs faciles par nature, et ils supporteront les « femmes fortes » tant qu’ils y prendront du plaisir sexuel. Mais les hommes sont aussi naturellement romantiques. Je suis convaincu que les hommes ont des sentiments plus profonds pour leurs partenaires que les femmes n’en ont pour les leurs (les femmes réservent leurs sentiments les plus profonds pour leurs enfants). Les hommes sont donc émotionnellement plus vulnérables que les femmes, et ils hésiteront naturellement à s’engager émotionnellement avec des « femmes fortes », qui les feront peut-être passer par un enfer émotionnel juste pour prouver à quel point elles sont « fortes ». C’est pourquoi les « femmes fortes » sont souvent courtisées, mais rarement épousées.

Il est simplement complètement faux que les femmes peuvent faire tout ce qu’un homme peut faire, ou mieux. Oui, il y a des femmes exceptionnellement fortes et des hommes exceptionnellement faibles. Mais en moyenne, les sexes diffèrent d’innombrables manières. Donc il est vrai de dire que l’homme moyen peut dépasser la femme moyenne dans d’innombrables domaines, de même que la femme moyenne peut dépasser l’homme moyen dans d’innombrables autres domaines. De plus, dans n’importe quel couple, il y a toujours plus de choses que l’homme peut faire mieux que la femme, et d’autres que la femme peut faire mieux que l’homme.

Je n’ai jamais rencontré un homme qui soit obsédé à dénicher toutes les choses que sa compagne pense pouvoir faire mieux que lui, simplement pour lui prouver qu’elle a tort. Je sais une chose : je ne l’appellerai sûrement pas un homme fort. De plus, j’imagine que sa compagne se fatiguerait rapidement de ses tentatives pour la dépasser dans la cuisine et la couture. Après un certain temps, je pense qu’elle le trouverait complètement méprisable. Et lorsqu’elle le quittera finalement, j’imagine qu’il restera à la porte de la cuisine, avec son tablier et ses gants, brandissant triomphalement le parfait soufflé, et criant : « Tu as simplement peur des hommes forts ! ».

Les « femmes fortes » sont en fait les femmes les plus incertaines, les plus bornées et les plus agressives qui existent. Et ce sont des faiblesses, pas des forces.

Aucun homme ne veut une femme qui tente constamment de rivaliser avec lui et qui recherche constamment ses faiblesses. Les hommes entre eux se rendent la vie suffisamment difficile et incertaine. Donc les hommes veulent naturellement que leurs relations avec les femmes soient des refuges contre la tension constante de l’esprit de compétition. Mais les « femmes fortes » ne veulent pas de cela.

Un autre problème avec les « femmes fortes » est qu’elles tendent à imiter des conceptions erronées du comportement masculin. Elles peuvent imiter l’esprit de compétition masculin, mais pas les formes de la camaraderie, de la civilité et de la fraternité masculines qui donnent à la compétition une certaine humanité. Comment le pourraient-elles, quand toutes ces vertus communautaires plus douces sont associées à la féminité que les « femmes fortes » sont si soucieuses de surmonter ?

Les « femmes fortes » se rendent ennuyeuses, parce qu’elles introduisent de la compétition partout où celle-ci est malvenue. Elles se rendent ridicules, parce qu’elles échouent inévitablement dans certaines de leurs tentatives de dépasser leurs hommes. Elles se rendent méprisables, parce qu’elles font un chantage émotionnel à leurs hommes en les laissant gagner quelques manches, espérant peut-être qu’ils finiront par éliminer ce damné esprit de compétition.

Qu’est-ce qu’une « femme forte » ? Une créature qui a abandonné les meilleurs caractères de son propre sexe en échange des pires caractères de l’autre sexe. Or c’est quelque chose qu’il faut craindre.

20 janvier 2004

 

 

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    • Remembering T. S. Eliot:
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  • Recent comments

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      Can you link it? Thanks!

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