Headlines That Tell It All

Image courtesy of Craiyon

3,298 words

The media has gotten rather predictable. Today’s journalists seem like youthful guitarists who learn two chords and are thereby qualified to join a bar band. Once you’ve seen enough stories, the tropes start to look awfully familiar. For example, in news items about mass violence or heinous deeds attributed to “youths,” “teenagers,” or some other conspicuously nondescript reporting, what really happened? That’s right: The perps are actually blacks, but this won’t be revealed until the end of the story, or perhaps never. You already know it’s just a common behavior pattern, but the media not only fails to warn its audience about how they act, it tries to downplay the inconvenient truth.

Soon enough, you can tell what journalists are going to say. It’s as easy as classifying music; you know right away when you’re listening to a thrash metal band that screams a lot and only knows the G and C chords. In some cases, the headline alone is enough to give the story away. Here are some examples, followed by my first impressions of them on reading the titles.

BBC News: Israel conscription rule stokes ultra-Orthodox fury

Let me guess: The Torah-thumpers want other people to do their fighting for them.

Well, this article — brought to me by the BBC via my Microsoft Edge start page — was pretty easy to guess from the headline. Even so, I have no idea why the Beeb considers this conscription kerfuffle in some other country to be newsworthy.

Americans might think of fundamentalists as especially devout Biblical literalists. As the popular conception goes, they have a bone to pick with Darwin’s theory of evolution. They also don’t like rock music — especially not the Monkees, one would suppose. Neither do they like dancing or gambling, since they generally regard anything enjoyable to be sinful in one way or another. So these are the “no fun” Protestants. On the other hand, Jews take fundamentalism up to 11.

There’s an old joke about the Branch Davidians which claims that they had a schism leading to two factions: Orthodox and Extra Crispy. With the Red Sea Pedestrians, though, the ones calling themselves Orthodox are those who have this special zeal in all ways but exothermic reduction. America does have some Jewish fundamentalists, such as the tunnel-digging Morlocks of Brooklyn.

Israel has even more of these fundamentalists. They often look like they’re right out of the seventeenth century. They have a deal worked out where they’re exempt from the draft. It’s not that they’re conscientious objectors, but rather that they’ve defined theological studies as a way of protecting the country. That special arrangement might be changing soon. Now that the Gaza mess has turned into a months-long slog which may well escalate further, they’re going to need all hands on deck. As Aunt Beeb states:

Young men who are full-time students in Jewish seminaries, or yeshivas, tell me that their religious lifestyle is in jeopardy. They believe that their prayers and spiritual learning are what protects Israel and the Jewish people.

“For 2,000 years we’ve been persecuted, and we’ve survived because we’re learning Torah and now the Supreme Court wants to remove this from us, and it will cause our destruction,” says Joseph.

“Going to the army will make a frum — religious Jew — not religious anymore.”

Oh, come on — didn’t this guy hear the proverb that there are no atheists in a foxhole? More seriously, it wasn’t holy rolling that got their country back after 19 centuries of absence. Their dogma speaks of an awaited Messiah, but that’s not how it worked. (I never heard anything about Lord Balfour walking on water.) Moreover, God didn’t miracle them back to Jerusalem, now did She?

Ultra-Orthodox parties have often acted as kingmakers in Israeli politics, giving support to successive governments headed by Israel’s prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, in return for continuing the draft exemption and hundreds of millions of dollars for their institutions.

Why does this sound so familiar? Besides, if they like having a country, then they have to do things to maintain it, such as defending it. I thought they were more sensible over there!

“My son has already been in the reserves for 200 days! How many years do you want him to do? How are you not ashamed?” demanded Mor Shamgar as she berated Israel’s national security adviser at a recent conference in Herzliya.

Her exasperated rant about her son — serving as a tank commander in southern Israel — was widely shared on social media.

Lady, it’s not the end of the world. Besides, being a tank commander is a way cool post! Heck, it sounds like the most fun you can have with your clothes on. I’ll say one thing to the Extra Crispy faction: Come on, where’s your Zionist spirit? Get with the program and go fight your own wars. Americans are sick of doing it for you.

Architectural Digest: “Unweaving the Whitewashed Legacy of the Cross-Stitch”

Let me guess: Someone figured out how to make needlework an occasion for racial pearl-clutching.

You can buy Beau Albrecht’s Righteous Seduction here.

This was brought to me by my Firefox start page, which also helpfully informed me about the retroactive victory of Queen Amanirenas of Cush. Another feature of theirs is “What the Color ‘Haint Blue’ Means to the Descendants of Enslaved Africans.” Apparently a pale celestial blue painted onto ceilings above porches is somehow problematic, but I can’t bring myself to care enough to read up about why. Whoever runs the transmission belt to my Firefox start page apparently finds occasion to bring race into everything possible. Aren’t they such busy beavers over there! For that matter, the “journalists” who write this crap are really something else. I bet these graphomaniacs are the life of the party, huh?

The cross-stitch article began with a brief discussion of needlework, as one might expect. Then the paragraph’s last sentence references a “small Alabama town famous for a sewing heritage that stems from surviving slavery.” (Other than Alex Haley, the author of Roots, hardly any blacks nowadays can name any of their enslaved ancestors. Still, plenty of them just can’t stop harping on about what happened over a century and a half ago, as if the Civil War had just ended.) Soon after that, the author wallops the reader with The Narrative. Oh, I feel so guiiiilty!

Cross-stitching, a type of sewing, gridded embroidery, or decorative needlework that uses X-shaped stitches to fulfill a patterned stencil, is officially entering a new and improved iteration—one that both subverts traditional patterns and accounts for those who have historically been excluded from the trade. “The misconception is that [cross-stitching] is an all-white artform,” explains Lisa Woolfork, creator of the sewing group Black Women Stitch. Lisa didn’t want her love for what she described as a “a beautifully structured craft practice” to be hindered by the “filters often required of Black people in majority-white spaces” — a sentiment she shares with so many other Black cross-stitchers.

Holy guacamole! What’s with this “historically excluded” stuff — was there a law against blacks doing cross-stitching or something? More to the point, can’t the precious People of Capitalization just do needlework without bellyaching? Apparently not some of them:

“I was exploring pages [of patterns] when I first started and thought, ‘Gosh, this stuff is just so white,'” says Miasia Osbey of her introduction to cross-stitch. “I remember seeing this elaborate piece of patriotic motifs and knowing I could never stitch that flag, because it’s stained with my ancestors’ blood.”

Ms. Osbey, I must deliver some bad news. As you might’ve already suspected, there’s nothing here for you in America. Since you can’t enjoy a relaxing hobby without finding something problematic about it to agonize over, there’s only one solution. It’s time to leave this awful country and instead seek a life of freedom and happiness in a place ruled by your own people. I recommend Haiti, the world’s oldest black republic. There are no whites to ruin everything for you. They were all slaughtered long ago, and everything’s gone remarkably well in Haiti ever since blacks started running the show. I likewise urge you to invite all your relatives to emigrate with you to Haiti, so they can also enjoy life among their Volksgenossen, and far from our corrupting influence. Why wait a moment longer to be happy at last?

Shortly after that is a picture of her award-winning cross-stich design, which reads: “Black Voters Matter.” Upon it is a picture of the American flag, though. Well, isn’t that the blood-soaked symbol of oppression? Uh-oh! Or did she figure out that it’s the updated version of Abraham Lincoln’s banner under which her ancestors were liberated — not that I’ve heard a solitary peep of thanks out of any of them about it in my entire lifetime? Hell if I know. What I do know is that the weather in Haiti is pretty peachy.

There’s much more where that came from. The article just keeps going; it’s like the freaking Energizer Bunny. Did you know there’s such a thing as the Social Justice Sewing Academy? I’ve always wondered what Leftists do to entertain themselves. (I assumed that maybe their way of having fun was something like savoring vegan turnip and carob duds, or a Depression Quest LAN party death match, or perhaps pleasuring themselves while looking at a picture of Sylvia Plath.) One question that remains unanswered is this, however: Why is there all this hoopla about the intersection of race and cross-stitching in the Architectural Digest, of all places?

Townhall: “A New ‘Miss Maryland USA’ Was Crowned. Here’s the Catch.”

Let me guess: I bet Miss Maryland is really a dude.

Again, it didn’t take long to confirm what I knew I’d see. Then, as before, The Narrative packs a wallop:

Anne told reporters that when “she” won, it was a “whirlwind because I knew it was bigger than me. I knew that it was going to mean a lot for all the LGBTQ kids out there who might feel like they don’t belong in a box — like me growing up.”

There’s more where that came from, of course. Since Townhall is a Con Inc. site, and it isn’t staffed by the media’s typical Leftist pukes, it doesn’t coo about what a brave and strong woman the contestant is. Although I have my misgivings about lukewarm conservatism, at least that much is refreshing. Really, they don’t have to comment about it much. Rather like the typical take by the Daily Mail, all they have to do is plainly describe what’s going on, and they needn’t even say “Welcome to Clown World, honk honk!” That much speaks for itself.

I remember when beauty contests were about, well, beauty. Now it apparently has more to do with making statements and all that jazz. The number one priority is politically-correct gestures. Undoubtedly that was on the mind of whichever judge selected “Miss” Maryland. He’s not bad for a ladyboy, but this stuff is old hat by now. It was already a notable trend last year. California certainly doesn’t lack for charming beach bunnies, but “Miss” San Francisco was a transsexual who looked like Kim Jong Un on Ozempic. Meanwhile, The Netherlands passed up an angel-faced brunette for a dude in a dress with bunny wabbit teefs. Really, this épatez la bourgeoisie stuff has been done to death, but they’re never through beating the dead horse.

Can’t transsexuals have their own beauty contests, rather than hijacking those for women? Although it should make everyone happier, it wouldn’t serve the same purpose of political grandstanding. The Second Wave feminists assured us that “women can do anything a man can, but better!” The Agenda has moved on since then, and now the Leftist hive-mind says that men are better at being women, even in a beauty pageant. On that note, our defictionalized Junior Anti-Sex League hated these contests, but I doubt that feminists today are very pleased with this development! I don’t care too much for The Sisterhood, but in this case, they do have a point.

Bloomberg: “Musk’s X to Get Final EU Warning Over Dangerous Content”

Let me guess: The Eurocrats want to force ideological censorship online.

That’s quite a headline. Dangerous content? Well, golly jeepers, what could that mean? You already know, but you have to get nearly to the end to see the specifics spelled out:

The DSA became legally enforceable last August, laying out content rules for social media platforms, online marketplaces and app stores. It forces their owners to clamp down on misinformation and objectionable content such as hate speech, terrorist propaganda and ads for unsafe toys.

About these unsafe toys, are we talking, like, lawn darts or something? For sure, you can’t horse around with those! Terrorist propaganda? Yeah, although our good friends at the Washington Post gave us the Unabomber Manifesto, it’s too long; didn’t read. Don’t even ask me to slog my way through the boring Port Huron Statement by the Students for  a Democratic Society (SDS); that one’s a big tl;dr too.

So what else is there? Misinformation — ah, now we’re getting somewhere. Well, that’s all kinds of special. Like, who’s in favor of misinformation, right? Yeah, sure, let’s get rid of it all! There’s just one problem. Who gets to determine what qualifies? Do the Eurocrats in Brussels have Papal infallibility or something? There’d have to be an agency that hashes out what is true and what is misinformation. Maybe they can call it the Ministry of Truth.

Finally, there’s hate speech. Let’s cut the crap: That’s the major point of these “content rules.” Of course, “hate speech” is a remarkably fuzzy all-purpose anti-concept used in a one-sided way to censor everything that is disapproved by Leftist opinion. There is no general agreed-upon definition of what counts and what doesn’t. That’s perfectly fine for their purposes; it’s better for them to leave as much open to interpretation as possible so they can micromanage discourse however they want. After all, it’s right and proper for them to determine what thoughts and ideas are fit for other people to think. Precious, isn’t it?

Huffington Post: It’s Time For The Biden Campaign To Embrace AI

Let me guess: They want to use artificial intelligence to compensate for Bidet’s dementia.

This was brought to my attention by my pal Cheryl from Florida. You rock! It gets off to a running start:

The stakes of the 2024 presidential election cannot be overstated. With Donald Trump promising to act as a dictator “on day one,” it is not hyperbolic to say the future of American democracy hangs in the balance. Against this backdrop, the Biden campaign faces a critical challenge: conveying a strong and effective image of President Joe Biden to a population and media ecosystem increasingly focused on optics over substance.

You can buy Greg Johnson’s Here’s the Thing here.

Whoever at HuffPo picked the article’s cover image, though, completely undermined this message. Bidet appears haggard and pathetic in it. Worse, it looks like he tried to pick his nose and missed. Oh, the cringe is painful!

Even four years ago, Bidet was thoroughly exhausted — earning him the sobriquet Sleepy Joe — and his cognitive cogs weren’t engaging the gears between his ears. Then he got propped up for one of the most demanding jobs in the world. This left him as the pitifully burnt-out husk we saw at the last debate. Putting him up for this job seems so cruel that I’d feel bad for the corrupt old girl-sniffer, if not for the fact that his campaign cheated his way into the White House. It’s really nice that the government is trying to do something to help the mentally disabled fit into society as best they can, but installing one of them in the Oval Office was going too far.

The article carefully builds the argument for enhancement via artificial intelligence. It admits that Biden has a stutter and a little trouble walking, but that’s it. Kaivan Shroff, the guest writer, doesn’t entertain the possibility that the candidate is senile and unfit for office. All I have to say is that denial isn’t just a river in Egypt. By now, it would take a HAL 9000 coprocessor, a Borg Collective uplink, a gallon of construction adhesive, and three coats of spar varnish to get the Commander-In-Cheat’s withered brain seaworthy again. Then this at last:

AI-generated content can be tailored to highlight President Biden’s accomplishments, clearly articulate his policies, and present a consistent, compelling message. In an era where visual mediums and quick, digestible content dominate public perceptions, AI offers an opportunity for more effective communication. These AI-enhanced videos could ensure that the public does not make decisions about the future of our democracy based on an inconveniently timed cough, stray stutter, or healthy but hobbled walk (Biden suffers from a ‘stiff gait’).

After considerable beating around the bush, finally the implications are clear. To help Bidet win the election, it recommends that image-processing his appearances should be on the table so that the public doesn’t see him doing embarrassing things. Thus far, he’s fallen down steps, face-planted, fell off his bike, got lost in sentences, wandered away from the podium, often mumbled incoherently, zoned out frequently, lost control of his bodily functions, and repeatedly acted like he doesn’t know where he is. I’ll grant that it’s technologically possible to portray Resident Bidet as strong and capable even though he is senile and incompetent, but that’s dishonest.

The fact is that all political figures have their less-than-charismatic moments; nobody is photogenic at all times. If anything, the mainstream media selectively zeroes in on gaffes for politicians they don’t like: Nixon’s potty mouth, Gerald Ford’s whiffed golf shots, Bush the Elder’s broccoli snit, Dan Quayle’s l’affaire potatoe, Bush the Younger’s odd neologisms, and of course the time when Trump said “pussy.” Why should uncharismatic moments be dwelt on at length for some politicians, but digitally airbrushed out for others? If the criterion is about whether or not their ideology accords with good liberal opinion, then that’s hypocrisy in the Herbert Marcuse league.

Be that as it may, all this may have come to pass already. The first rumor was about a clip from March 17, 2021 on the White House lawn, in which Bidet’s hand appears to interact impossibly with a microphone. Then there was a brief speech which was performed without blinking. Was he suppressing the instinct, or did a digital videographer forget to turn on the subroutine? Other rumors about body doubles are starting to swirl around. How much this might be true is rather speculative, but I wouldn’t put it past them.

Either way, if the Bidet campaign were to use digital fakery and get caught at it, then the HuffPo article served its purpose by priming the public and putting out the talking points. Why, Our Democracy ™ was at stake, so they had to destroy the village to save the village! That sounds nicer than saying that the globalist oligarchy had to fool the rubes about the condition of their figurehead in order to thwart the will of the people and remain in power.

This conundrum was in fact avoidable. He should’ve been left to enjoy a leisurely retirement after his legitimate term as Vice President ended. If the Democrats had picked a likeable candidate for the 2020 contest — someone more like JFK and less like a zombie, or at the very least someone who didn’t take showers with his own daughter — then they wouldn’t have had this problem. Regardless, what’s the big deal? They don’t need to digitally retouch his appearances. Even if Bidet dropped his drawers and mooned the public on national TV, it would be no big deal. His campaign can just play mail-in ballot games again. It worked the first time, didn’t it?