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New Devil’s Dictionary

Michael Pacher, “The Devil showing St. Augustine the Book of Vices,” ca. 1480

1,008 words

anthropology – study of the human species, filtered through the fancies of its worst examples.

antidepressant – modernity’s choke-collar.

anti-Semitism – a particular sense of responsibility.

baby boomer – burdensome brood of blood-soaked boobs, baked in blasphemy and bathed in balderdash. 

books – increasingly poorly constructed talismans, of dubious magickal effect. 

business – one of the west’s most insatiable gods, whose exoteric cult masks a foreign tribal god.

cell phone – advanced and pervasive communication-disruption device.

Christianity – successful attempt to wed Judaism’s historical fiend to Judaism’s history. 

Christian Zionism – consummation of an arranged interracial rape. 

communication – the art of conveying meaninglessness.

community – once cohesion for the hated creators, replaced by stimulation chemical and electronic, for the enrichment of hating consumers.

dating – process promising union, masking transaction. 

daycare – an effective swing of the family-felling axe. 

defense – landslide offense. 

democracy – a system by which oligarchy lets its subjects choose the non-negotiable agenda’s face. 

Democrat – a Republican with a big tent. 

development – malls, multiplied. 

diversity – a high degree of dictated heterogeneous friction, necessary for the comfort of its homogenous handler.

economy – ceiling, walls, and floor of all socio-political consciousness. 

education – method by which children learn that up is down and verse-vicea.

energy drink – nectar of the clods.

English – a language largely unused today, except in certain parts of eastern Europe and Asia.

equality – point during man’s fall where his throat falls within subman’s reach.

EU – Europe’s margins, united to bleed Europe’s heart.

Europe – a light unto the world, upon whose power cord rodents gnaw. 

evangelism – spiritual Special Olympics.

faith – a jerk of the spirit’s knee. 

family – society’s cornerstone, now on a chopping-block. 

forum – opiate of the asses. 

freedom – enforced ubiquitous-ness of merchants’ brands.

gay – state-protected publicizing of private inclinations.

generation x – first generation raised without beliefs, and the last to play outside.

generation y – first generation raised digitally, and the last to be employed. 

Germany – subsidizer of Europe, and of Europe’s enemy. 

graduate school – a wholly factitious exercise whereby half-men hammer half-wits into quartermasters of half-truths.

greatest generation – generation judged holy on one continent and unholy on another.

green – White.

hate – persistent love of something real.

healthcare1. a ton of cure where an ounce of prevention would do. 2. the cure to prevention’s low cost.

history – rose-colored recounting of criminal statistics.

Hitler – a demon, for whom even the devil himself checks under his bed.

Hollywood – first Reich of the most equal pigs.

Holocaust – legend and faith for all times and peoples, but payable to one only.

homeland – aggregation of all cell blocks.

ICP – a revolution of the proletoilet. 

information – trivia, trafficked in by pedants and controlled by parasites. 

iPod – plugs for the prevention of participation.

insanity – maladaptive awareness. 

integration – alien rogues’ mad dreams, set to white children’s screams.

internet – bazaar in which freedom’s booth is constantly checked for its permit. 

intolerance – excuse for water’s refusal to cohabitate with oil.

Islam – connecting fiber of Middle Eastern hornet’s nest, that strengthens when poked.

Israel – the Emperor’s new laundromat.

Jewish –  everything and nothing.

justice – show trial of truth in the name of the Big Lie.

learning disability – a projection of the flaws of the supremely teaching-disabled onto purpose-built learning machines.

library1. mausoleum of culture’s greats. 2. installation of private porno booths provided for the poor.

marriage – most common form of female-male rape. 

middle-class – segment of America ranging from poor to loaded.

militia – contingent of citizens possessing typical implements of a farmer in atypical portions.

modern art – the spectrum of displayed disorder from experimental to excremental.

modernity – a dark age, well lit.

multiculturalism1. excellent condition for the elimination of culture. 2. the mutilation of perfectly good round pegs for the sake of square holes

Nazi – a laudable resister.

Occupy movement – the handling of the 99% by the 1%.

organic – the new name for food.

Pax Americana – extrapolation of corner-store hold-up philosophy to global scale. 

philosophy – a love of subjectivity and verbal inefficiency. 

poor – secret identity of America’s middle-class. 

popular music – the spectrum of negro noise from barbaric to baboonish.

psychology – the mind, seen from the bottom.

racism1. foresight and consideration extending to one’s extended-extended-family. 2. one breed’s verbal nuke against another.

Republican – a Democrat waving a cross.

retirement – sky-castle, whose connecting beanstalk ever wilts.

sanity – adaptive blindness. 

security – freedom from freedom.

social networking – technology the antisocial relish, the asocial snoop with, and the social shun.

Spanish – one of the least-spoken languages in the USA.

sports – System-approved displays of aggression by local zoo escapees.

suburbs – human settlements minus human engineering.

Tea Party movement – prisoners who try to escape from a jail without breaking its rules.

technology – the product of the right hand’s unchecked unconscious. 

television – socially acceptable breaking-and-entering.

terror1. a last ditch effort against mercantile encroachment. 2. stage show directed and produced by plutocracy.

tolerance – one breed’s intolerance, enforced.

university1. much noise, signifying nothing, providing less and costing much. 2. religiously prescribed indoctrination pill, best washed down with beer.

USA – the world’s policeman, whose donut-devouring will soon catch up with him.

video gaming – an air-tank for the gasping spirit, filled with CO.

war – continuation of commerce by honest means. 

warrior – a fool lured by money to fight for rogues.

wealth – fraud’s fruit, necessary condition for political action.

weblog – a leaking container of hazardous mental waste.

western civilization1. Aryan culture’s fossilized remains. 2. floor on which buffoons dance.

youth – formerly time in life joyfully but regrettably misspent, now a lifetime pursuit of misspent time.

youth culture – rotting cross-section from culture’s felling.

Zionism – patriotism of the most equal pigs.


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  1. Deviance
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 8:34 am | Permalink

    Love the concept. It is necessary to re-appropriate words, not use the definitions of enemies or foreigners, which ruins the very usefulness of communication. I would be glad to see such lists more often.

    Some comments:

    anthropology – study of the human species, filtered through the fancies of its worst examples.

    As Jewish HBD blogger HalfSigma correctly observed, anthropologists and sociologists always look at the worst specimens in the Homo Sapiens species, never at the best specimens. They explain poverty by many theories, but never have one for wealth. If they did (50-50 analysis of each side), I suspect their whole edifice would collapse.

    psychology – the mind, seen from the bottom.

    Is there an allusion to pop psychology’s obsession with sex, here?

    antidepressant – modernity’s choke-collar.

    Drug apologists like to claim Prozac/Prozium doesn’t make one happy, believing that such a claim lessens its eerie similarity to Soma. They are indeed right — it simply cancels the limbic system’s ability to feel pain or anger. But isn’t that already too much?

    French Nietzschean far-right blogger Xyr had a very good quote on France: “France is a country of petits bourgeois getting through the day with antidepressants”.

    forum – opiate of the asses.

    I personally have ceased reading forums long ago, as they are addictive in a very bad, unproductive way. They are egalitarian in nature and functioning, leaving you feeling “dirty” at the end of the day, if not angry and fed up.

    • Posted November 14, 2012 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

      Wealth studies would be categorized under ‘white privilege ‘ studies……which, on its face is true. Being smarter, more creative, and more daring than the average homo sapien is most certainly a privilege

  2. Donarvan Holland
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 9:32 am | Permalink

    Very funny and also food for thought! Thank you!

    Republican – a Democrat waving a cross.

  3. Roissy Hater
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 10:34 am | Permalink

    The sarcasm reminded me of Celine. Very impressive piece, I love aphorisms.

  4. J.Morphy
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 1:00 pm | Permalink

    hate – persistent love of something real.

    Love it. Reminds me of Joe Sobran’s definition of an anti-Semite: “someone who is hated by Jews.”

  5. rhondda
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm | Permalink

    I guess the devil has no use for the seven deadly sins anymore since they all became virtues.

  6. rhondda.
    Posted November 14, 2012 at 3:52 pm | Permalink

    I did enjoy the satire. But to explain my previous comment let me say:
    deadly sins; pride is now empowerment event though you have not done anything to be proud of doing.
    avarice is now consumerism — enough said
    anger is making ad hominim attacks on anyone who challenges your point of view
    lust is well take her if you want her and seduce him if you want him Who cares what your husband/wife/ children/ girl/boyfriend/parents think. It’s natural.
    gluttony is well what is medicare for? I am not responsible for what I eat.
    envy is I should have the privilege every one else has even if I am not qualified. That’s equality.
    Sloth is why should I do the work when I can get someone else to do it and take the credit.
    I am sure there are other examples.

  7. UFASP
    Posted November 15, 2012 at 6:12 pm | Permalink

    Some of these were really good.

    “Dating,” “war,” and “modernity” were well done. Ditto for “security,” “marriage, ” “freedom,” “evangelism,” and “graduate school.”

    Incidentally, I think Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary is still worth scrolling through.

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