Counter-Currents
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His Name Is Doug Emhoff, But You Can Call Him “Mister First Lady”
Jim Goad
1,147 words
Doug Emhoff, AKA “Mr. Kamala Harris.” Offical White House Photo
Since most voters are so dumb it’s a miracle that they can even fill out their ballot, and since they wouldn’t understand the issues even if politicians were honest about them, most presidential campaigns amount to little more than flagrantly deceptive PR blitzes. From now until November 5, both parties’ marketing gurus will struggle to make the candidates and their families “relatable” and “likeable.”
It matters not that anyone who’s climbed high enough up the ladder to become a major party’s candidate, as well as their families, enjoy lives that are utterly incomprehensible to the roaring majority of Americans—voters must be duped into thinking that politicians “get them” and are “just like us.”
In late July, when Joe Biden wandered off the plantation in a stupor, Democratic strategists were tasked with making Kamala Harris likeable. That’s no mean feat! Then they faced the unenviable specter of wrangling Tim Walz, that squealing albino pig from the heartland, into a creature less weird and more normal than everyone knows he is.
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I don’t know how they’re going to convincingly sell Doug Emhoff—who is currently America’s Second Gentleman—to the public. But I can’t fault them for trying. It’s their job.
First off, just look at him. He has a large beak and a body that’s swollen in the middle and tapered at the top and bottom, almost as if a penguin had suddenly transmogrified into a middle-aged balding male Jew. This pear-shaped putz with child-bearing hips and a face that’s sinking into terraced layers of chin fat is all rumpled-looking, like a grey sock someone just pulled out of the hamper.
Since his wife was the first female vice president, Emhoff is forced to be her second banana, and the public is supposed to embrace the idea that being a “Second Gentleman,” and possibly America’s first “First Gentleman,” is something to admire. Emhoff has touted himself as a “wife guy,” which is a disgusting term that denotes a man who steps into the background and applauds the fact that his spouse makes more money, has more fame, and calls more shots than he does.
During his speech at the Democratic National Convention, Emhoff was ruthlessly self-effacing, but with a face like his, that’s not such a bad thing. He said that his mother “is the only person in the whole world who thinks Kamala is the lucky one for marrying me.” He recalled how before they started dating, he stammered his way through his first voicemail to her and that she plays that “embarrassing moment” back to him on every anniversary as if it’s supposed to be cute rather than a deliberate humiliation ritual. He also assured the public that Kamala has all the character traits normally associated with an alpha male:
She never runs from a fight, and she knows the best way to deal with a coward is to take him head-on, because we all know cowards are weak and Kamala Harris can smell weakness.
Of course she can smell weakness, Doug. Why else would she have married you? If you still sleep together, I’m sure she smells weakness every night.
I try to be nice. I really do. I also try to avoid madness, heartache, and things that upset me. But last Friday, I scraped my knee on an opinion column for the Washington Post called “Doug Emhoff, modern-day sex symbol.” A woman wrote it, and we’re expected to believe she really means what she wrote:
Doug Emhoff has been called many things in recent years: “Second Gentleman.” “Goofy dad.” “Crappy Jew.” But perhaps his most appropriate title: “Progressive Sex Symbol.”
Move over, Ryan Gosling. The modern female fantasy is embodied by the man who might soon become our first First Gentleman. Emhoff appears to be a genuine mensch with an impressive career. He’s smitten with his wife and supports her ambitions, as is obvious from his convention speech and their sweet interactions on the campaign trail. But most important for this sexy sobriquet: Emhoff is secure enough with his own masculinity to sometimes prioritize his wife’s ambitions over his own.
What. A. Hunk.
If Americans want to ever get past the toxic masculinity that stains our past, we need to learn and accept—nay, even celebrate—the idea that Doug Emhoff is secure enough in his masculinity that he is the antithesis of masculinity.
Might as well call him Doug Femhoff.
But Dougie isn’t only a one-issue guy. Neutering the remainder of American males isn’t his sole concern.
Doug Emhoff knows that America has another gigantic problem. No, it’s not the economy. No, it isn’t accelerating ethnic balkanization. And it definitely ain’t the looming threat of a thermonuclear hot war that may leave the continental United States looking like the world’s largest ashtray.
Doug Emhoff knows that, apart from toxic masculinity, America’s biggest problem can be summed up in one word: antisemitism.
Just ask him, and he’ll tell you. He’ll tell you even if you don’t ask. He’s the type of shlub who’ll walk right up to you on the street and say, “Are you doing enough to fight antisemitism?”
For Doug, there simply isn’t enough anti-antisemitism out there.
NPR says that after Emhoff became America’s first Jewish Second Gentleman in 2020, he made fighting Jew-hate “his issue.” And after the horrid events of October 7, 2023, which Emhoff says allowed rampant, galloping, and entirely unfounded criticism of Jews to escalate “from problem to crisis,” he flew to the former Auschwitz-Birkenau camp in Poland:
I had seen, like many people have seen, pictures of concentration camps. And you’ve seen the grainy photographs, the horrible images. And until you actually step up to that gate and you see the barbed wire, the silence, the coldness, you can literally see the despair and the desolation, and then you see the ovens where people were cremated. And you see they’ve saved thousands of pairs of shoes, many of them children’s shoes. So you see the shoes. You see the eyeglasses that were taken off, the human hair. It is so overwhelming to experience that and to imagine what went on there.
I can’t imagine seeing all those shoes. But I imagine that when he’s asleep at night, Doug Emhoff has nightmares about those shoes.
Only last week, he pledged to continue fighting antisemitism “when I’m First Gentleman.”
Judging from Doug Emhoff’s public statements, in the event that his barren-wombed, pants-wearing, cobra snake of a wife becomes president, and he ascends to the role of America’s first Mister First Lady, he pledges to do two things: 1) stay out of Kamala’s way; and 2) take selfies looking mopey at every concentration-camp theme-park in Europe.
Are you sold?
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18 comments
From the days when Emhoff was heads over Heels-Up in love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EA6WbZ9fnCM
This also came to mind.
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GhQfbzNLzeo&pp=ygUSQ2xlb3BhdHJhIHNjaHdhcnR6
Kamala – wants to look like a girl president of the people, “just like us” but apparently has snooty tastes in wines and was a social climber who had an affair with married SF Mayor Willie Brown. I love how snopes claims “Harris long ago distanced herself from the relationship”. Hmm, hasn’t Mr. Trump also distanced himself from various affairs? She is also immigrant on both sides of the family. Indian and Jamaican. While she wants to brandish Black credibility, she is not a descendant of US slaves… another Black immigrant taking one of their spots.
Doug Emhoff – cheated on his wife and possibly impregnated the nanny. No word whether any hush money paid to a nanny will be prosecuted in NYC as felonies (as was done to Trump). Every barely employed purple haired feminist artist will champion him. Can’t all men prioritize my aspirations and support me? The WaPo opinion writer, calling Emhoff a ‘hunk’, might be leveraging her own marriage pressuring her own spouse to cater to her aspirations.
Emhoff is complex calculus for the Jewish contingent. He could be siphoning moderate votes from Jews upset at the anti-Israel fracas from all the leftist groups sympathetic to Palestine. But he is also a betrayal to Jews who themselves want to be an insular group who don’t marry non-Jews.
Tim Walz – his choice seems a dog whistle to BLM, as he was governor of MN during the George Floyd peaceful protests. What. A. Cuck.
https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/kamala-harris-affair-willie-brown/
“Jews who themselves want to be an insular group who don’t marry non-Jews.”
Intermarriage stats say otherwise.
Not quite true. Jews tend to marry another Jew so they can have Jewish kids. THEN they get divorced and marry someone else, anyone else, who isn’t a fellow whiny tribester.
Interesting! Never saw it this way but makes total sense!
About half of Jewish marriages are with someone non-Jewish, though it is not so obvious how many are re-marriages. My point as that there are obviously some Jews for whom this is not an issue, but for others it is an issue. Much of the same is heard around here. I think religious Jews have an advantage in that pressure exists on women to cultivate Judaism in their children, whether their spouse is Jewish or not. Whether one aspires to be a druid or atheist, I do think study of religious traditions and their rearing of families offers food for thought.
https://www.pewresearch.org/religion/2021/05/11/marriage-families-and-children/
Of course she can smell weakness, Doug. Why else would she have married you? If you still sleep together, I’m sure she smells weakness every night.
It’s very rare that the contemporary scene makes me laugh, but you, sir, have that gift.
What AWFL wouldn’t think a guy who would drive her to her abortion after impregnating her isn’t sexy?
A multiracial female, and a Jewish man in the White House. My oh my, have we fallen
Next year will probably begin the true, undeniable, South African and Brazil living conditions in the United States. We’re already there in many cities and coastal states, but the humble beginnings of said conditions in the suburbs and small towns will turbines to speed once Harris is sworn in. Electricity that goes out a couple of times a day, food shortages, bad water, inadequate healthcare, primitive roads, etc.
Because most Whites are conditioned and completely clueless, I fear how they’ll react to Guatemala gangs roaming Mayberry, Muslims running village grocery stores, and Haitians getting into rural White schools. They’re not prepared and equipped for this
It’s going to be scary. Very, very, scary
Unfortunately I fear most rural heartland White Americans will do what they have always done the past 70 years or so when things get a bit racy, turn to their Marxist “Christian” pastors which will tell them either a) this is the End of Days, prepare for Jesus’s return by burying your faces in your Bibles or b) this is God’s plan and we must welcome these newcomers as they rape, pillage and murder us.
The best invective I’ve read in a very, very long time.
Isn’t Emhoff an, “entertainment”, lawyer – an extremely wealthy one too. We know who he is an emissary of. It is all an act. Just like his wife, behind the crocodile eyes and the crocodile smile is a demon – a broken one who is the chosen emissary of the ones whose malevolence knows no bounds. He didn’t go overseas to stare at the pile of shoes, he went over there to force the dolts to stare at and sanctify them. However, the youth his movement has fostered couldn’t give a fig about that pile and what it means. Nor do they care that he feigns a supine second fiddle. All they need to know is that he be white.
While Jims’ piece is valid and greatly humorous on its level, your short analysis is on a much deeper level. This IS all an act!
Agreement and appreciation. Little that I can add, other than astonishment that the two very likely will be the political leaders of and for America. How American is duped and extorted by Israel and how duped and led to folly and ruin the future. How much more can Israel have placed itself in control of America than these two, but the same would be were Donald Trump become President?
How long a time before either is maneuvered by Israel into another war in the Middle East for the benefit of the ever forming Greater Israel? Will another ‘black flag’ attack perpetrate a war? Another carefully crafted October 7? Another USSLiberty-like attack be successful, to be blamed on Hamas or any other conveniently-called ‘Terrorists’?
By far the greatest moment in Orange Man’s miserable
existence: the festive reception of the “Torah Crown”.
https://en.rattibha.com/thread/1682602419765616641
“For Doug, there simply isn’t enough anti-antisemitism out there.”
Finally, something Doug and I agree on.
Mea culpa.
I read the quote as “…there simply isn’t enough antisemitism out there.”
I will refrain from making any more jokes today.
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