Breaking News: Putin is Evil
In the past few weeks I’ve gone on record stating that I don’t see the current Ukraine/Russia conflict being good for Americans in any conceivable way.
This was before I learned that Vladimir Putin is evil. Now that I know this, I agree that he must be stopped by any means necessary, even if it means genociding the entire human race. So long as we kill Putin, too, we’re good.
War is hell, but it’s much less of a pain in the ass when it’s morally inambiguous. It’s much easier to take sides in a war — even to give your life in a war, I suppose; I’ve never done it — when you know for certain who the good guys and bad guys are.
Explaining that someone is evil brings much-needed clarity to the matter, and it lights the world’s good hearts aflame with a burning passion for righteous, violent revenge on behalf of all that is good and holy. Burn it all to the ground in a purifying crucible.
It’s easier on the conscience when the people whom you kill are evil.
It’s not murder when the animal you’re slaughtering really isn’t human.
Among people inclined to think in moral absolutes, it’s usually the good guys who do most of the killing. Usually, the rule is thou shalt not kill; it’s evil all by itself. But in specific cases, murder is righteous. It magically becomes good when the person you kill is evil.
And Putin is clearly out of control. He’s unhinged. He’s gone meshuggeneh. He’s an evil, demented madman who will stop at nothing to manifest his dastardly designs.
He’s a fucking madman. A blood beast. A festering pustule. A horned and winged herpes sore. A bad apple.
The boy ain’t no damned good.
He’s out of his mind. He’s just plain snapped.
He wants to take over the world, just like Hitler, although if you want to get technical, neither Hitler nor Putin, not even once, ever went on record saying, “I want to take over the world.” One could make a case that the forces which fought Hitler in the Second World War and the modern Western powers who are dehumanizing Putin to justify a large-scale war have a much longer track record of trying to take over the world than Russia ever has.
Obviously, the prudent thing is to throw gasoline onto the fire here. It’s the only way to keep things from getting worse.
Biden recently called Putin a “butcher,” a “war criminal,” and a “murderous dictator, a pure thug who is waging an immoral war against the people of Ukraine.” He even says that Putin must be removed from power.
As opposed to all those moral wars the United States has waged against countless nations while Biden’s been in DC?
One newspaperman says that Putin is “evil incarnate” and probably smiles when he hears that pregnant Ukrainian women are getting bombed to bloody aerosol droplets in hospitals. All the columnists seem to agree: Putin is evil, evil, evil.
All of the Democrats have already accepted that Putin is evil — Nancy Pelosi recently read an inspirational poem by rock star Bono on behalf of the loving and brave people of Ukraine.
But many Republicans are also starting to accept the scientific fact that Putin is evil, and all it takes for World War III to start is “all of the Democrats” plus “many Republicans.”
“I think Putin is evil,” said Republican House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy on Wednesday.
Alpha Mormon Mitt Romney referred to Putin as “a small, evil, feral-eyed man who is trying to shape the world in the image where once again Russia would be an empire.”
Senator Ben Sasse of Nebraska explains, “our rooting interest here should be against the evil Vladimir Putin because the guy’s got big-ass weapons, and he’s evil.”
He said “evil” twice!
Arkansas Governor Asa Hutchinson said, “Putin is evil, and he needs to be called such. . . . I want all of our Republican leaders to be united in that voice.”
Across the pond, British foreign-policy nerd and former aide to Margaret Thatcher Nile Gardiner whipped up such a hyperbolically bloody froth in his fulminations to Express about Putin’s retardedly high capacity for unbridled malfeasance that one suspects he was menstruating when he said this:
Putin will follow the invasion with occupation and quite likely ethnic cleansing in Ukraine, as well as mass killing. . . . We should be prepared for the possibility of Putin setting up concentration camps, and inflicting horrific, horrendous suffering on the Ukrainian people. . . . He is capable of genocide — he doesn’t care at all about human life. . . . We are looking at savagery and barbarism on an epic scale with Putin, so we cannot underestimate what is happening and what might happen. . . . Putin’s goal is to occupy the whole of Ukraine and completely submerge it under Russian control . . . He doesn’t care how many people will die, even if that is hundreds of thousands. . . . What we saw in Srebrenica in the Balkans a few decades ago, this is what Putin is capable of on a much bigger scale. . . . There is no end to the evil this monster is capable of. . . . Putin and his regime have no intention of pulling back — they are going for the kill.
This Putin guy sounds like a really bad customer. They make him out like he’s one mean hombre. He’s the boy your mother warned you about.
But maybe he’s not evil after all. Maybe, like all “great bad guys,” he had a bad childhood. Maybe his early heartbreak and loss of innocence molded him into a tortured soul whose spirit was crushed by poverty and neglect and beatings and hunger and bullying, and he’s merely a wounded child who just so happens to want to snuff out all life on this planet as we know it so he can get a bit of closure. Maybe he has, as the psychological professionals like to say, “a few issues.”
Nope. “Putin is Evil, Not Mentally Ill,” confirms a Ukrainian psychologist.
Despite the fact that their country is broken and bankrupt, Americans tell pollsters that they are largely in favor of war with Russia. They also say they favor assassinating Putin if he continues misbehaving.
It’s all a religious conflict between good and evil. Think of that the next time you accidentally stub your toe on a decapitated infant’s head while walking in downtown Kiev.
So are you ready to die to stop Putin?
If so, that would at least make one of us.
Europe May Die in the Process, but Zelensky Will Do Wonders to Combat Negative Stereotypes about Jewish Masculinity
Does this shrugging mook with the mug of a bewildered pickle seem remotely handsome or masculine to you? He looks like someone you’d find grubbing for spare change outside a downtown needle exchange because they started charging a quarter for the “free” syringes.
I’ve often heard that the clinically insane actor Tom Cruise is legendarily short; about 5’3”, tops. His official height is listed at 5’7”, but I suspect this is part of some Scientological disinformation campaign.
Ukrainian President Volodomyr Zelensky’s official height is also listed as 5’7,” but compared to Tom Cruise in this picture, Zelensky looks like he should be an extra in the beloved 1938 all-midget musical Western film The Terror of Tiny Town.
Evil Russian Dictator Vladimir Putin’s official height is listed as 5’7”. Lately, this has become an issue for those who realize he’s evil. But if Putin has a Napoleon Complex, what does that say about the demonstrably shorter Zelensky?
Somehow, despite Zelensky’s shrimpy stature, the face of a confused pumpkin carving, and a generally slovenly and unprofessional appearance that is particularly unbecoming for a world leader on such a huge and wonderfully lit stage, the “Cuomosexuals” — male and female — who want to bang any high-profile man with the “right” politics lust after Zelensky with the ferocious horniness of wild mice, seeing him as the first huge sex symbol of the Third World War.
Maybe it was his topless vaccination video? He’s kind of brawny in that five-foot-tall Robert Blake kind of way.
Apparently, masculinity isn’t “toxic” so long as you’re murdering entire families for the right cause. And the right cause in this situation is clearly the rehabilitation of the public image of Jewish masculinity.
“Widespread admiration for Volodymyr Zelensky could upend stereotypes about Jewish men,” gushes The Washington Post. It talks about how brave it is to take Zoom meetings far away from the battlefield:
Zelensky’s bravery has made him into a tough-guy sex symbol — at odds with centuries of depictions of Jewish men. . . . What’s most surprising is that Americans have celebrated his manliness despite Zelensky’s being Jewish. Traditionally, Americans have seen manliness as uncharacteristic of, if not antithetical to, Jewish identity. While there have been tough Jewish men, the stereotype in popular media has leaned toward a bookish nebbish, embodied by someone like Woody Allen. . . . Historically, this recognition of a diaspora Jewish leader as tough, patriotic and sexy is unprecedented.
In the midst of what may become the worst global crisis in history, it’s encouraging to see prominent newspapers focusing on the important stuff.
Supreme Court Nominee Ketanji Brown Jackson: So Much More Than a Black Woman, Although We’re Waiting to Hear Exactly What
It’s a befuddling and flabbergasting world where one side can make something explicitly about race, while the other side will take great pains and go to great lengths not to say a word about race and get accused of being racist anyway.
Sometimes you want to punch these people until you realize it would only justify their persecution complex.
When Jewish Supreme Court Justice Stephen Breyer announced his pending retirement, President Joseph Robinette Biden announced that he intended to replace him with a black woman. He chose Ketanji Brown Jackson, who looks like one of the Wayans Brothers starring in a comedy as an ugly white man who wears blackface to attend an all-black law school because the tuition’s cheaper. She’s dark black. Not only would she pass the brown-paper-bag test, she’d also probably pass the feces test with a few shades of blackness to spare.
She was born Ketanji Onyika Brown in our nation’s capital to Negro-American parents who chose her exotic African name because it means “Lovely One” rather than “Hippo Face.”
Apparently, she has flawless legal credentials. I wouldn’t know. All the Democrats could talk about was how she was a black woman. All the Republicans kept asking her about was how she defines a woman and whether babies can be racist, yet all the Democrats could say about the Republicans is that they couldn’t see past the fact that Ms. Brown is a black woman and is probably stuck in that role for the rest of her life.
Although, when pressed, she said she could not identify what a “woman” is, no one who supported her had any trouble identifying her — loudly and openly — as black. And though none of her Republican interrogators, at least to my knowledge, ever made mention of the fact that she is very obviously extremely black, they were the ones accused of making a big fucking production over the fact that she’s black.
No one personally insulted her. No one accused her of raping anyone at a frat party. No one asked her whether she’d ever discussed Long Dong Silver’s cinematic oeuvre with co-workers. They asked questions politely, and she impolitely avoided answering all of them. Yet to listen to her supporters, at the end of the proceedings, you would have expected her to look like Emmett Till’s bloated corpse.
It was emotionally affecting to watch Jackson, a ridiculously accomplished Black [sic] woman, be forced to dance to the tune of these mediocre white senators who were trying to reduce her to a caricature. . . . It’s the calculation enslaved people made before trying to escape to freedom, or activists made before sitting down at the white lunch counter.
“Black Girl Magic” is on full display in the supreme court [sic] confirmation hearing for Judge Ketanji Brown Jackson, and Republicans are apoplectic. . . . the Republican committee members have opted to throw racist red meat to their rabid white supporters who are gripped by fear of people of color. Cruz led the charge with his attacks on critical race theory, asking Jackson whether she agrees “that babies are racist” . . .
Well, yeah — sounds like a dumb idea, and it is, because some complete imbecile named Ibram X. Kendi wrote a book called Antiracist Baby that was being taught at some kids’ school where Judge Ketanji was on the Board of Directors.
Also — if black girls are so magic, why can’t they ever get a man to stick around, huh?
Cruz, Graham and their fellow modern-day Confederates know instinctively that as the public sees how many amazing Black [sic] women there are, it becomes much harder to explain why most of the powerful positions in this country are still held by white men.
Imagine having fallen so low as a society that the main reason black women are appointed to the Supreme Court is so we can see how “amazing” they are.
Fat, pale, scary-looking suspected homosexual Cory Booker said Ketanji’s journey to the top of the judicial slagheap was not only about race and gender, it was about far more than that:
It’s hard for me to look at you and not see my mom, not see my cousins. . . . I’m not letting anybody in the Senate steal my joy. I’m embarrassed. It happened earlier today. I just look at you, and I start getting full of emotion. You’re a person that is so much more than your race and gender.
She is? Would you mind telling us exactly what that is?
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