The Worst Week Yet:
January 30-February 5, 2022

2,498 words

Whoopi Goldberg’s Jew Problem

What is race? What is racism? If race doesn’t exist, why, then, is there so much racism?

And what about the Jews? Are Jews members of a race, a religion, or both? Can one measure precisely, down to the tiniest jewtrino, exactly how Jewish a self-proclaimed Jew is?

What was the Holocaust? How many people died? How many people didn’t die? How many died amidst the Holocaust but not because of it? And most importantly: Is it true what they say about the Jews?

Whoopi Goldberg has a face that would look ugly even on a cockroach. The walking pile of hairy feces was born Caryn Johnson, but was later christened “Whoopi” due to her disgusting habit of onstage flatulence while performing standup comedy. She claims — apparently falsely — that the surname “Goldberg” comes from her mother’s side of the family and that she “feels” Jewish, although I’ve never seen evidence of her official Israeli Kennel Club papers or notarized documentation alleging that she has been ritually circumcised by a board-certified mohel.

And last week she got in trouble with Jewish organizations because she disagreed with Adolf Hitler.

In his oft-misrepresented section about the “Big Lie” in Mein Kampf, Hitler said that Jews are a race rather than a religion: “Is not their very existence founded on one great lie, namely, that they are a religious community, whereas in reality they are a race?”

Miss Goldberg’s transgression was to allege that Jews are white members of a religious community rather than a non-white race who suffered due to white racism. Just as she once was chastised for saying that Roman Polanski’s sexual liaisons with a 13-year-old girl while in his 40s was not “rape-rape,” Goldberg committed the unpardonable sin of claiming that the Holocaust was not about “race-race.”

While squawking with a gaggle of other dried-up hens on morning TV talk show The View last Monday, she said, “Let’s be truthful, the Holocaust isn’t about race, it’s not. It’s about man’s inhumanity to man, that’s what it’s about. These are two groups of white people.”

“Well, they considered Jews a different race,” protested co-host Joy Behar.

“But it’s about white supremacy,” butted in token Latina Ana Navarro. “It’s about going after Jews and gypsies.”

Who cares about gypsies?

Apparently, the Anti-Defamation League sent out Invisible Warning Rays to Goldberg from their Jewish Control Tower, because within hours, she was forced into a groveling apology of a tweet:

On today’s show I said the Holocaust “is not about race, but about man’s inhumanity to man.” I should have said it is about both. . . . As Jonathan Greenblatt from the Anti-Defamation League shared, “The Holocaust was about the Nazi’s [sic] systematic annihilation of the Jewish people — who they deemed to be an inferior race.” I stand corrected. . . . The Jewish people around the world have always had my support and that will never (waver). I am sorry for the hurt I have caused. . . . Written with my sincerest apologies. Whoopi Goldberg.

Later that night on The Late Show With Steven Colbert, Goldberg said that while growing up as an almost unbelievably unattractive black woman in America, she thought of “race” as something only skin-deep:

If the [Ku Klux] Klan is coming down the street with a Jewish friend . . . I’m gonna run. But if my friend decides not to run, they’ll get passed by most times, because you can’t tell who’s Jewish. It’s not something that people say, “Oh, that person is Jewish.”

When was the last time the Klan came down the street? Where the hell does this woman live?

The next day on The View in a conversation with Jonathan “Noseferatu” Greenblatt, CEO of the Anti-Defamation League (ADL), a Jewish organization devoted to the systematic defamation of whites, Goldberg showed her contrition by admitting that, yes, okay, Hitler was right and Jews are a race:

It is indeed about race because Hitler and the Nazis considered Jews to be an inferior race. Now, words matter, and mine are no exception. I regret my comments, as I said, and I stand corrected. I also stand with the Jewish people, as they know and y’all know because I’ve always done that.

Stand with the Jewish people? All the Jews I’ve known prefer to sit. If you stand for too long, especially in the Florida heat, you start shvitzing like crazy.

But despite her shuckin’ and jivin’ and apologizin’, Goldberg was suspended from The View for two weeks so she could sit in solitude and think about how her thoughtless words had inflicted further harm on an already marginalized community. It is unknown at press time whether or not she was also forced to hand in her Jew Card.

Meanwhile, the ADL — which is on a tireless quest to prove that all insinuations that Jews have disproportionate power are fraudulent by utterly destroying anyone who dares insinuate such things — changed its official definition of “racism” on Wednesday.

Prior to July 2020, the ADL defined “racism” thusly:

Racism is the belief that a particular race is superior or inferior to another, that a person’s social and moral traits are predetermined by his or her inborn biological characteristics. Racial separatism is the belief, most of the time based on racism, that different races should remain segregated and apart from one another.

Then, during the Summer of Floyd, they dramatically altered their definition:

The marginalization and/or oppression of people of color based on a socially constructed racial hierarchy that privileges white people.

Then on Wednesday, the ADL swapped out their white-specific definition of “racism” to read:

Racism occurs when individuals or institutions show more favorable evaluation or treatment of an individual or group based on race or ethnicity.

This latest definition seems to embrace “race” as a reality rather than a “socially constructed” idea.

As recently as 2016, the ADL’s Jonathan Greenblatt told The Atlantic:

There’s no doubt that the vast majority of American Jews live with what we would call white privilege. They aren’t looked at twice when they walk into a store. They aren’t looked at twice by someone in uniform. . . . That obviously isn’t a privilege that people of color have the luxury of enjoying.

American Jews are in something of a pickle right now: After generations of changing their surnames, covering their tails, and hiding their horns to “pass” as white, they now exist in a culture where, thanks in no small part to their tremendous advocacy work, whiteness has been demonized. So it alarms them when crusty-dreadlocked turd-muffins such as Whoopi Goldberg insinuate that Jews are white, because this makes them vulnerable to being drowned in the tidal wave of anti-whiteness that’s engulfing the entire Western world. Now that it’s no longer safe to be white, they no longer feel safe being seen as white.

In summary, the ADL wants you to know that race is real and Jews are a race. Anti-Semitism is a problem that is always spiking; it never wanes, it always spikes. Another Shoah is never more than one or two insensitive jokes away, so if you ever make the mistake of alleging that Jews have too much power, they will absolutely crush you.

Nazi Truckers Invade Canadian Capital to Cough on Non-Whites, Steal Food from Homeless

Trucking is the last frontier of implicit white identity. Living a rugged, hardscrabble, hemorrhoidal life, truckers are modern cowboys riding 20-ton steel horses, heroic figures who deliver those T-bone steaks to you on time even if it breaks their backs and corrodes their livers. I own a Dodge pickup truck with 320,000 miles on it that, like its owner, refuses to die. I recorded a whole album where I sang truck-driving songs. I wrote a comic book about truckers. I have an undying affection for the trucking lifestyle, which is why I can confirm that all truckers are racists and that their main mission is not to deliver goods on time, but to spread unbridled racial hatred wherever the road may take them.

You may have heard of this “Freedom Convoy” of Canadian truckers who’ve descended upon the nation’s capital of Ottawa to ostensibly protest “vaccine mandates” and “governmental tyranny,” but the truth is that truckers love COVID because it targets non-whites. Their vaccine skepticism is merely another form of targeted anti-Semitism.

Compare these two accounts of the hatred that seethed from last week’s Nazi convoy:

“Images of a Canadian flag marked with a swastika were seen, as were two Confederate flags.”

“Among the symbols displayed at the protests were swastikas and, in at least one instance, the Confederate flag.”

So that’s three swastikas and three Confederate flags in only two sentences. How many millions of swastikas and Confederate flags went unreported?

According to trustworthy sources, the entire debacle was merely a rancid, slushy cesspool of White Nationalism, terrorism, conspiracy theories, fat and drunken white men chanting “yabba dabba doo” at appalled indigenous homeless persons, reckless driving, and unabashed jaywalking. There were also numerous — although unconfirmed and unsourced — reports of truckers deliberately coughing on non-whites. Normal, law-abiding citizens were encouraged to report, or even fabricate, instances of hatefulness.

These truckers may say it’s about “vaccine mandates” and “freedom” and “tyranny,” but what about all the hate? Why the hate? What’s with all this hate? When they say, “I’m tired of being oppressed,” what they really mean is, “I hate that you no longer allow me to oppress black people.”

We should all be very thankful that we have experts to decode what people really mean in spite of what they say, or otherwise this world would start to make a frightening amount of sense.

NYC’s New Black Mayor Commits Unforgivable Grammatical Error While Reminiscing About Beating Crackers’ Asses

Newly-installed New York City Mayor Eric Adams looks like a turtle without its shell that’s been left too long out in the Sun.

It recently emerged that in 2019, while speaking to the Harlem Business Alliance and testing the waters for a mayoral campaign, the former NYPD officer boasted to a group of co-ethnics about how, as a co-founder of a group called “100 Blacks in Law Enforcement Who Care,” he either literally or figuratively abused white cops:

Every day in the Police Department, I kicked those crackers’ ass [sic]. Man, I was unbelievable in the Police Department with 100 Blacks in Law Enforcement. . . . The people who say, “Where’s our real Black leaders?” They’re going to say, “Who’s Eric? Why does Eric think he should be mayor?” Well, Negro, you run. You run.

When asked about the racial implications of his comments, Adams said that he joked about kicking crackers’ asses as part of his lifelong mission of “fighting racism.”

I’m neither disappointed nor surprised to hear a black politician express racial hatred for white people these days, but what really chafes my pink skin is how Adams’ sloppy usage of the English language implies that all of those white cops shared only one ass.

Transracial Influencer Seeks Penis-Shortening Surgery to Become More Authentically Korean

Celebrating diversity is only possible if you are a racial realist and acknowledge that human biodiversity has rendered groups of divergent continental ancestries with different cognitive skills, temperaments, and penis sizes.

Oli London is some deeply mental British musician with such a savagely unhealthy obsession for Korean singer Jimin of the implausibly successful (35 million albums sold and counting) and aggressively effeminate K-Pop band BTS that he has undergone multiple plastic-surgery procedures to look like Jimin and become “100% Korean.” As part of his transracial journey, he has now announced that he plans to have his penis surgically shortened:

I don’t want people to get offended by this, but in Korea, [the average] penis is like 3.5 inches, and I get trolled all the time. People say, “Oh, you can’t be Korean. You’re not 100 percent Korean,” and I just want to be 100 percent Korean. I would even have a penis reduction so I’m, like, the Korean average. That’s how far I’m willing to go. I can have it done in Thailand, and it will cost between $6,000 and $8,000 USD. Thailand’s cheaper. And to be honest, they do specialize in those kind of things in Thailand, because they have a lot of sex changes and stuff.

It’s hard to imagine the tortures and torments of wishing to be 100% Korean while being stuck in a body that is stubbornly 150% Korean.

Is It Finally Time to Cancel Joni “Blackface” Mitchell & Neil “Faggot Hands” Young?

The problem with being “woke” is that there’s always going to be someone who’s more of an insomniac than you are. The problem with always hunting for scalps is that there will always be someone sneaking up behind you with a hatchet.

Joni Mitchell is a Canadian-born singer-songwriter mostly known for having inappropriately large teeth. She recently joined her Canadian-born singer-songwriter colleague Neil Young in demanding that streaming service Spotify remove all of her music in protest of podcast megalodon Joe Rogan for allegedly spreading “misinformation” about COVID-19, and therefore enabling literally billions of people to cough up bloody chunks of their lungs and die while en route to Walgreens for a much-needed eighteenth booster shot.

In the wake of her grandstanding, it emerged that Mitchell has been transracial for years. She posed in blackface in a pimp suit on the cover of her 1977 album Don Juan’s Reckless Daughter in character as her black pimp alter ego, “Art Nouveau.” She also dressed up in a pimp suit and blackface at a Halloween party around the same time.

“I don’t have the soul of a white woman,” Mitchell told one reporter. “I write like a black poet. I frequently write from a black perspective.” She once told New York magazine, “I really feel an affinity because I have experienced being a black guy on several occasions.” She even says that a dentist once told her “You have teeth like a Negro male” as if it was a source of pride.

And Neil Young — who was infamously pro-Reagan during the early to mid-1980s but has switched political sides, and yet remains stalwartly germophobic — told Melody Maker in 1985 that he feared contracting AIDS from homosexual food-handlers at the local grocery store:

It is scary. You go to a supermarket and you see a faggot behind the fuckin’ cash register, you don’t want him to handle your potatoes. It’s true! It’s paranoid but that’s the way it is — even though it’s not just gay people, they’re taking the rap. There’s a lotta religious people, of course, who feel that this is God’s work, God’s saying, y’know, “No more buttfucking or we’re gonna getcha.”

Mind you, there’s nothing wrong with wearing blackface — I’ve done it — nor of being microbially wary of impenitent sodomites. But sanctimony is always a crime, and if there’s any justice in this world, both Joni Mitchell and Neil Young will both catch long COVID from a transracial gay waiter who deliberately sneezes on their escargot.

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