3,641 words
Neovaginas and Why They Stink
In almost no time at all — seemingly less time than it takes to surgically repurpose part of a slimy colon or an inverted scrotum into a fake vagina — trannies have become the Jews of Sexuality. Make one snide comment about them, and you will forever be banished from polite society. This may not be as bad as it seems, though, seeing as how “polite society” these days hinges around supremely impolite topics such as the bacterial climate inside manmade vaginas.
I don’t know if Alex Pearlman is a real woman or a bioengineered one, and you could not pay me enough money to check under the hood. I suspect that if Ms. Alex was actually an MTF tranny, he would have done something corny such as call himself “Alex Pearlwoman,” so my hunch is that “Alex” here is just a mannish woman with an unsavory interest in what sort of germs lurk ’tween the legs of men who’ve decided to “become who they really are” by getting surgery to radically alter who they really were.
As if trannies don’t have enough cultural clout and an absurd level of undeserved public sympathy, Pearlman claims that there hasn’t been enough gold-durned medical research into the microbial nasties that swarm inside the artificial cesspools that fester ’tween the legs of Creatures Who Used to Be Men. Pearlman’s new article is called “THE NEGLECTED SCIENCE OF NEOVAGINAS: Getting to the bottom of the trans woman neovaginal microbiome,” and it laments that among the “billions of dollars currently being spent on research of the human microbiome,” there isn’t nearly enough cash being tossed down the empty holes of these hollow human beings and that “research on neovaginal flora just isn’t keeping up with demand.”
In the never-ending push to normalize the abnormal, what was once known as “sex reassignment surgery” is now mislabeled as “gender confirmation surgery.” Despite the inordinate amount of attention these freaks get, only 1,231 fake-vagina implantations were performed in 2020, which represented a slight bump up from 2019’s crop of 1,108 neovaginal excavations. Pearlman seems to feel as if it’s a crime against nature that “[t]here have only been three studies as of mid-2021 that looked specifically at the microbial makeup of neovaginas.”
Luckily — assuming you have a warped definition of good fortune — YouTubers such as Melody Maia Monet post videos about what it feels like to shove a tampon up your surgically-manufactured birth canal. According to Pearlman, “Monet mentioned having friends whose new vaginas have inexplicably prolapsed.”
Oh, I think it’s highly explicable, lady.
There are two ways that surgeons can fashion a fake vagina out of a male subject’s existing tissue, neither one of them remotely savory. There’s the “inverted penile skin flap technique,” in which a doctor turns either a penis or a scrotum inside-out, sort of like an umbrella that’s been inverted by heavy storm winds, but instead of pointing up rather than down in the case of the umbrella, the neovagina points inward instead of outward. According to a medical journal, “a foul smell of the vagina was observed in most patients” who receive this procedure.
The other method is known as a colovaginoplasty, during which the hopefully well-compensated physician takes
a segment of the large bowel . . . to make the vaginal cavity. Like the large bowel, this segment placed in the vaginal cavity secretes mucus of colonic origin and harbors bacteria of colonic origin, so that mucus emissions can occasionally occur through the vulva and sometimes with a bad smell due to germs present in that mucosa. However, the emission of this mucus is beneficial for sexual intercourses [sic] since they are completely lubricated and pleasant.
I can think of many words to describe what I just read. “Pleasant” is not among them.
To Settle Concussion Lawsuits, the NFL will Assume Blacks are as Smart as Whites
Once the Jews defeated Hitler in the Second World War, it was forever settled that everyone is born entirely equal and that to suggest otherwise is proof that demons inhabit your body.
This is why there is absolutely nothing “scientific” about “scientific racism,” why any physical or cognitive differences among the “races” are all in your head, and why you will forever be bludgeoned with pseudoscientific essays by black physicians who seem to actually think that “racist policies . . . such as redlining” explain why blacks are prone to sickle cell anemia and why whites aren’t. (That linked article is at least good for a few chuckles because it informed me of the concept of “Drapetomania,” which was invented in 1851 by a white physician to explain why black slaves were prone to running away. Dr. Samuel Cartwright seemed to believe in the idea that blacks have smaller brains — which is a demonstrable fact, although its innate racism renders it non-factual — which made them prone to “indolence” and “barbarism,” meaning the only scientific remedy involved “whipping the devil out of them.”)
Even though race is only a social construct rather than a biological reality, black males represent 70% of active NFL football players and over “60% of living retirees,” meaning they are overrepresented in the sport’s ranks by a factor of five. Until very recently, the bigots who own the NFL demanded that ex-players who were filing lawsuits for brain injuries undergo cognitive testing. The practice of “race-norming” allegedly made it less likely for black players to receive payouts because it was assumed, based on all extant data regarding race and IQ, that it would be harder to tell whether these players were brain-damaged by playing football or were simply born dumb.
That all changed in 2020 when two black ex-players — Najeh Davenport and Kevin Henry — had their lawyers file a suit that claimed:
Black former players are automatically assumed (through a statistical manipulation called “race-norming”) to have started with worse cognitive functioning than White [sic] former players. As a result, if a Black [sic] former player and a White [sic] former player receive the exact same raw scores on a battery of tests designed to measure their current cognitive functioning, the Black [sic] player is presumed to have suffered less impairment, and he is therefore less likely to qualify for compensation.
But the NFL has now agreed to stop looking at IQ tests and assume that the only difference between black and white players — despite the overwhelming statistical overrepresentation of black players in nearly every position except quarterbacking and kicking — is “the color of their skin.”
More “News” about What the KKK Did a Hundred Years Ago
This will be the third weekly roundup where I indulge my fascination with the fact that whenever you search “Klan” or “KKK” on Google News, the only “news” involves stories that are a century old.
The only difference this week is that the stories involve long-dead Klansmen preying on Catholics and Greeks rather than on their perennial favorite victims, the blacks.
The Kansas Reflector dredges up a story from 1922 wherein the KKK knocked on the door of Theodore Schierlmann, the Catholic mayor of Liberty, Kansas, shoved him into a car, drove to the outskirts of town, tied him to a tree, and gave him 30 lashes with “blacksnake whips” in retaliation for his impenitent papism. The article’s writer, Max McCoy, struggles to draw an analogy between 1922 and modern-day MAGApedes and vax-deniers, ominously asking, “Can the abductions and whippings be far behind?”
It’s almost as if he hopes that the abductions and whippings start. Some people are addicted to race porn.
The venerable Herald-Whig of Quincy, Illinois somehow felt compelled to rouse its readers from slumber with the headline “Local Ku Klux Klan Flourished in 1920s.” It tells of how a Baptist preacher warned that a victory for the Catholic presidential candidate Al Smith would place the country in the hands of “Jesuits, Jugs, and Jews.”
“Jugs.” Never heard that one before. I’m guessing it means “Negroes.”
The article also said that in an attempt to “inflame more contempt for Catholics, the Klan also circulated a bogus Knights of Columbus initiation oath” that included the following passage:
I will wage relentless war against all Protestants and Masons . . . rip up the stomachs and wombs of the women, and crush their infants’ heads against the walls, in order to annihilate their execrable race.
I grew up around Knights of Columbus members and never met one so delightfully adept at literary hyperbole.
Finally, the Pensacola News Journal relays the shocking “news” that
[o]ne hundred years ago . . . three men wearing the regalia of the Ku Klux Klan entered the Riverside Café on North Tarragona Street in Pensacola and handed a note to the restaurant’s 27-year-old owner Chris Lochas, an immigrant from Greece, telling him to leave town. . . . “You are an undesirable citizen,” the note said. “You violate the federal prohibition laws, the laws of decency, and you are a running sore on society. Several trains are leaving Pensacola daily. Take your choice, but don’t take too much time. Sincerely in earnest, K.K.K.”
First with “annihilate their execrable race,” and now with “you are a running sore on society.” Who would have imagined that Klansmen were such nimble wordsmiths?
Feeling Good about Making White People Feel Bad
Michael Harriot is a black writer for The Root who seems to hate white people as much as the Klan hated Greeks, minus the Klan’s enviable literary chops.
In an article titled “Maybe White People Should Feel Bad,” Harriot scoffs at a recent appearance on The View by Bush-era Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice in which the gap-toothed warmongering negress ululated thusly:
One of the worries that I have about the way that we’re talking about race is that it either seems so big that somehow white people have to feel guilty for what happened in the past. I would like black kids to be completely empowered; to know that they are beautiful in their blackness; but in order to do that, I don’t have to make white kids feel bad for being white.
Feeling bad that Rice said she doesn’t want to make white kids feel bad, Harriot wrote:
Why shouldn’t white children feel bad? . . . Maybe we should make white people feel bad. . . . This is not a theory; history is rife with examples of how making people feel bad actually starts the process of fixing problems. . . . And I’m not saying that all white people be lying. . . . Some of them are just dumb.
It’d be wonderful to conduct some testing to determine comparative rates of dumbness between blacks and whites, but as I’ve already established, race-norming is now verboten.
White Woman Claims the White Patriarchy Forced Her to Shave Her Legs
The great thing — and by “great,” I obviously mean “awful” — about the full-bore societal onslaught against whiteness is that one doesn’t even need to make sense. In fact, making sense is often the primary impediment.
When I read the headline “How The White Patriarchy Benefits From Women Hating Their Body Hair,” I assumed that the authoress, one “Nicki Butler,” was a Slag of Color. I also assumed that somewhere in the article would at least lie a rudimentary attempt at explaining the “How” that was promised in the headline.
Yea, how wrong I was!
Instead, we are treated — more like mistreated, or maybe even abused — with Ms. Butler’s story about how as a young sapling, she experienced the “deepest humiliation” at realizing that a “thick dusting of hair” covered her “scrawny legs” compared to the “dolphin-smooth legs” of the other girls during her sixth-grade gym class. “Mortified,” claims the dramatically-inclined hirsute woman, “I stood there, hoping no one would look down and see my repulsive and undeniably manly forest of peach fuzz.”
She says that she “begged” her mother to enable her “deforestation.” Her mommy, an apparently tolerant sort, gave her a bottle of Nair. Butler then writes about how for the next decade, she used a “pink Venus razor . . . to thwack every stubborn tree that sprouted from the unruly terrain of my legs.”
She then shares with the audience that she harbors oceans of hate within her hair-choked pores:
I hate the magazines, the models, the tv [sic] shows and the movies that said I was dirty for existing as I was made. I hate ‘Big Razor,’ and the 2.5 billion dollar [sic] hair removal industry. I hate the constant push to make women look like babies — smooth to the touch and easy to control. But most of all, I hate men.
We could have figured out the last part, Lady Ape.
Though she takes great pains to explain that she is disgusted with her own body, Butler does nothing to explain why it’s white men’s fault.
Women such as this should be glad they’re hairy. That way, they don’t have to blame their personalities for why men don’t like them.
Britney Spears to the World: “Kiss My White A$$”
One of the most triumphant moments of white identitarianism in the past couple generations was when Vanilla Ice — who has sold at least 20 million records and claims to have sold 160 million — told the world to “Kiss my white ass” at the 1991 American Music Awards.
A full 30 years later, the demented pop goddess Britney Spears — who has sold around 100 million records and enjoys appearing both topless and bottomless in public — has told her body-shaming naysayers to “Kiss my white a$$,” followed by several emojis and five exclamation points.
Dearest Thor and Odin: Please arrange for Vanilla Ice and Britney Spears to get married and pop out 100 million white babies.
Spanish Doctor Diagnoses Lesbian with the Disease of Homosexuality
In 1990 –- a mere year before Vanilla Ice told everyone to kiss his white ass — the World Health Organization finally removed homosexuality from its official list of mental disorders.
In the interim, gay people — who used to be some of the funniest people alive, or at least the males, because there is no such thing as a funny lesbian — seem to have gone out of their way to convince the world that they are simultaneously humorless and crazy, what with all the inverted scrotums and smelly colons posing as vaginas and all.
A brief respite in this Wall of Unfunniness comes from the city of Murcia in southeastern Spain, where a 19-year-old lesbian visited a physician at the Reina Sofia Hospital, only to have the wisecracking doc issue her a medical report stating that her “current illness” is “homosexual.”
“At first, I thought it was funny,” said the teen lezzie, “but it just isn’t,” she told a newspaper.
But it is funny. The less funny you think it is, the funnier it becomes. That’s how these things work.
White Woman Tells Black Woman She Doesn’t See Her as Black; Black Woman Reacts by Writing, “All I Am and All I Ever Will Be to Some People Is Black”
Laura Cathcart Robbins looks white to me — whiter than if Rachel Dolezal and Shaun King had a baby.
Yet she insists she is black. As she makes bleedingly clear in her writing, she’s the type of person who insists she’s black with every other sentence out of her mouth. She claims that both of her parents were black. She says she was “born in the Negro ward at the Illinois Research Hospital.” Although she married a white man and spawned two undoubtedly light-skinned children with him, she insisted that her sons’ classmates celebrate Black History Month when they were in elementary school. She brags that when her boys were in high school, “I was the only board member to insist that we create a diversity, equity, and inclusion committee to deal with the racism our students, parents, and faculty were experiencing on campus.”
In an article for the Huffington Post titled “A White Woman Told Me She Doesn’t ‘Think Of’ Me As Black. Here’s How I Reacted,” Robbins shares how she nagged a white parent to “get more Black [sic] parents involved the following year.” She then conveys her alarm at the white parent’s reaction:
It’s funny. I don’t really ever think of you as Black. I’ve always just seen you as one of us.
After seeing fit to share the funniest joke that Malcolm X ever told . . .
Q: What do you call a Black man with a Ph.D.?
A: You call him nigger.
. . . Robbins laments that “that when it comes down to it, regardless of my platinum card or the car I drive, irrespective of the neighborhood in which I live, regardless of how articulate I might seem, all I am and all I ever will be to some people is Black [sic].”
Something tells me that it’s not the white soccer moms at her sons’ school who insist on seeing her as black.
“Diverse” High School Football Team Taunts Majority-White Team with White-Privilege Banner
Butler High School in Matthews, North Carolina is almost evenly split between whites, blacks, and Hispanics. The student body at its sporting rival, Charlotte Catholic High School, is 84.2% white and a mere 3.3% black.
At the beginning of a recent football game between Butler and Charlotte Catholic, Butler’s cheerleading squad held a giant red banner upon which the following message was scrawled:
SNIFF SNIFF
YOU SMELL THAT?
$ PRIVILEGE $
All of the letters on the banner were black except for the word “PRIVILEGE,” which was rendered in white lettering. Butler’s football team, which had been lurking behind the banner, then ran straight through it to make their dramatic on-field entrance.
After Butler’s cheerleaders sent an apology to the privileged and mostly white school, Charlotte Catholic’s principal Kurt Telford wrote the sort of conciliatory message you’d expect a white guy who looks like that to write: “It is our hope that everyone will learn from such moments because at the end of the day we are all one community.”
Do “Jewface” Accusations Reinforce Ashkenormativity?
“Intersectionality” is the word used to describe the way that self-identified “marginalized” groups will crawl over one another like puppies in a box seeking to secure a suckling position at the Oppression Teat at the expense of all other oppressed groups.
Comedienne Sarah Silverman — who used to do things such as appear in blackface and joke that the African villagers to whom she sent a care package of sweaters found them “delicious” — has lately succumbed to her Ziological Clock and never misses a chance to kvetch that American culture is deeply anti-Semitic rather than almost comically Semitophilic. In late September, she bemoaned that many actresses — who are paid to act, meaning that they aren’t supposed to always be playing themselves — who portray Jewish woman are not themselves Jewish:
There’s this long tradition of non-Jews playing Jews, and not just playing people who happen to be Jewish, but people whose Jewishness is their whole being. . . . One could argue, for instance, that a gentile playing Joan Rivers correctly would be doing what is actually called ‘Jewface.’ . . . if the Jewish female character is courageous or deserves love, she is never played by a Jew. Ever!
As anyone remotely familiar with the entertainment industry knows, Jews are sorely underrepresented there.
But now comes the Jewish Exponent — I never miss an issue — accusing Silverman of displaying an “Ashkenazi Bias” by giving the impression that all Jews are phenotypically white:
Silverman’s own shortcomings aside, she’s not the originator of the problematic term “Jewface” nor the first Jewish woman to raise the issue. . . . However, what I find interesting is the centering of Ashkenormativity in the term itself, and the curious fact that the specter of “Jewface” has — without fail — only reared its head when white actors portray white Jews, and otherwise largely ignores when the characters or actors are non-white. . . . Silverman isn’t alone in erasing Jewish women of color, or implying that when we say “Jewish,” we mean white and Ashkenazi . . . the mainstream American Jewish community would rather do anything but acknowledge Ashkenormative centering.
What a bunch of Ashkeknuckleheads!
“Racelighting”: The Cruel Act of Trying to Make Other Races Feel Nuts
Dr. J. Luke Wood is a light-skinned black male who teaches at San Diego State University — which, to my knowledge, isn’t exactly Harvard.
He has expended untold energy trying to popularize the term “racelighting,” which he distinguishes from gaslighting due to the fact that “the messages used to invalidate the victim are racial.”
In the service of peddling this half-cocked idea, he appears to have woven an entirely fictional tale of a lawyer named Charles who “racelights” an associate named Tatiana during her first day on the job by telling Tatiana that there were “more qualified candidates” than her, even though it’s a demonstrable fact that the National Guilt Complex regarding race means that employers are fairly desperate to hire lesser qualified black workers to avoid being branded with a red-hot “R.” Charles also “makes snide comments” about Tatiana taking long work breaks, despite the fact that anyone who’s ever worked with black people can attest that they take seven hours to eat lunch, spend the other hour on Facebook, and will find any excuse to call in sick.
Wood distinguishes between “active racelighting” (in which white malefactors attempt to make innocent blacks feel insane), “passive racelighting” (in which whites express sincere surprise that blacks said something unexpectedly intelligent), and “defensive racelighting” (in which whites rightly point out that many blacks are belligerent and defensive).
He then offers up the complete fiction that Derek Chauvin knelt on George Floyd’s esophagus for nine minutes. He lies by omission when he dredges up Breonna Taylor’s corpse without noting that her boyfriend shot at cops first before the cops shot back.
The only group to be systematically “racelit” for the past couple generations are whites, who’ve been cowed into submission over the notion that they should be ashamed of their successes. Perhaps it’s time they had their Ingrid Bergman moment.
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17 comments
I always thought ‘kiss my ass’ was quite a benign insult, but after knowledge of Neovagina construction I have changed my mind. …
Hairy axe wound – now literally.
It is impressive to me that writers like Mr Goad (among others here at C-C) can so regularly engage their talents of insight and expression with such deeply distasteful subjects and persons and yet manage to both educate and delight.
White people. Gotta love ’em
I agree, White people are the best.
Jim Goad failed to delight me with this passage.
> surgically repurpose part of a slimy colon or an inverted scrotum into a fake vagina
I have studiously avoided knowing how that worked. Now I have to bang my head vigorously against concrete to clear my head before lunch.
Niki Butler should take heart from the furry women of pakistan are. The thick, luxurious locks of hair that cover their bodies must be an inspiration for womyn all over the world
My friends on the dissident right refer to me as one of the “good Jews”. When someone asks me to explain what a good Jew is, I’ll point them to this article and tell them that a good Jew is the opposite of whatever the hell Sarah Silverman is.
“trannies have become the Jews of Sexuality.” Ain’t that the truth.
So who won the game Jim?
Butler or Charlotte?
With this marvelous essay on “Trannie-Land”, I think Jim Goad has been banished not only from ‘polite society’, but way out to the outer reaches of the Solar System, to the mini-planet Ultima Thule! And we’re all right there with you, whooping it up!
I agree with Sarah Silverman. I don’t want my kids playing Jews in this year’s nativity play.
We owe Sarah Silverman a hearing on the serious topic of the underrepresentation of visual Jewishness. She has always displayed the utmost tact and sensitivity in cross-cultural matters, as evidenced by her Jesus is Magic show.
I feel that if Silverman could team up with the revered British humorist and cultural critic David Baddiel, author of Jews Don’t Count and fellow interrogator of comedic blackface, then a long overdue reassessment of toxic white attitudes to Jewishness may gain traction.
As for Ms. Silverman’s other deficiency, in addition to those noted by Mr. Goad, her knowledge of geography is bewildering — knitting or crocheting woolen blankets or sweaters for Africa is one of the most useless endeavors ever undertaken by those of European heritage, in order to assuage our guilt complexes over African suffering at our hands, I presume. The average temperature of Equatorial Africa and points north and south, is 90F with 90+ humidity. Maybe a few stragglers on Mt. Kilimanjaro might be the glaring exceptions, but ” . . . the region receives from 100 to 500 centimeters of rain annually, and temperatures average about 90 deg. daily . . .” i.e., every day all year. The few woolen goods which might escape almost immediate sodden rot would succumb in days to ravenous moth larvae — maybe that was what they were referring to as “delicious”.
Good luck, silly sob sisters, with that endeavor of saving the poor starving and freezing babies of Africa.
Oh dear. The thought of one of those artificial hoo-hahs makes the thought of ordinary sodomy seem as pure as a mountain spring.
I have to admit I’ve never felt compelled to get to the bottom of a trans woman’s neovaginal microbiome. I just haven’t.
They’re not women and they’re not vaginas. “Surgical injuries of mental patients” is more like it.
Love this recent interview with Susan Sarandon:
“But some of the change does make her uneasy. ‘One of my sons is a writer and a director and he’s had people say: “I really love this script, but we can’t hire any white men now. We just can’t.”’ Really? ‘Oh, absolutely. So that’s the way it’s changing…”
Good old tolerant, non-bigoted, liberal Hollywood. You have to laugh, cos it’s Sarandon and her Hollywood uber-intolerant-of-racism, high-minded sniffy types who have now enabled this anti-white racism. And if somebody with Sarandon’s Hollywood royalty clout can’t get her son a nepotistic job, you KNOW things are fucked up. What goes around always comes around. Maybe her kid could change his name to Sarandonawitz. Get a job in ten seconds there if he did.
https://www.you.co.uk/susan-sarandon-interview-2021/?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB&fbclid=IwAR1O5ZWfqL0yZ12rUkFSGL8wfFCKw6uAVtC6-1inqWf_TSra-MsPU8gjixM
And black crime will remain the great American taboo topic. (Nevermind discussion of how criminals use facemasks to commit crimes with anonymity, that would be unimaginable)
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