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The Worst Week Yet:
August 1-7, 2021

[1]3,078 words

Illegal Alien Beheads Legal Alien Girlfriend on Minnesota Street

“Give me your tired, your poor,” went the famous poem [2] by Emma Lazarus, “your huddled masses yearning to be decapitated by those who didn’t even bother to enter the country legally.”

Alexi Saborit-Viltres [3] is a 42-year old native of Cuba with a nasty case of vitiligo hispanicus across one side of his face who was arrested by the Department of Homeland Security in 2012 for immigration violations and was for some reason sprung free and allowed to mince and prance and gallop and cavort throughout this Nation of Immigrants long enough to chop off his girlfriend’s head in broad daylight [4] one sunny day last month in the Minneapolis suburb of Shakopee. Video footage in that link — watch at your peril ­— shows Viltres pulling his beloved’s bloody, decapitated corpse out of a car and plopping it onto a sidewalk.

His girlfriend, America Mafalda Thayer [5], was also Cuban-born, but unlike her hotheaded boyfriend, she had legally applied for US citizenship and also legally changed her first name to “America” to show her gratitude for our mighty nation’s suicidal beneficence.

More and more, they’re disincentivizing coming here legally, aren’t they?

According to authorities [6], Viltres said that he and his now ex-girlfriend had been driving when she informed him that she wished to end their long-term relationship, at which point his Latin blood began boiling, forcing him to whip out his handy machete and slice off her cabeza.

Some would say he lost his head, but that’s not really what happened, is it? Sometimes these jokes write themselves.

More Wild Noose Chases

Keisha N. Blain [7] has lips the size of boxing gloves and has written “extensively” about race, racism, racial matters, and race-oriented stuff. In a recent piece for MSNBC [8], she writes that  “An Amazon site’s Black workers keep finding nooses. The company needs to act”:

In May, workers building a new Amazon facility in the town of Windsor, Connecticut, came across a noose on the property. It was the eighth noose they encountered since construction on the facility began in late 2020.

If, say, I leave a pair of my socks on the floor, then retrieve them and show them to someone, I believe it would be accurate to both to say that I’ve “found” and “encountered” them. Miz Keisha continues to opine:

The continued appearance of nooses in these workplaces — and in other private and public spaces — reveals much about the prevalence of racism in American life and culture. In many ways, the noose is the quintessential, if deeply troubling, American symbol. Its persistence in American life and culture today attests to the fact that white supremacist ideas have always been mainstream.

If only!

Blain also includes the story — and maybe it’s just a “story” — of a fat black man in Indiana with the self-segregating name of Vauhxx Booker who claimed that on July 4 of last year, while traipsing on private property en route to a lake for the alleged purpose of viewing a lunar eclipse, he was accosted by a white man in a giant Confederate hat who called him a “slur” (I’m guessing the slur wasn’t “Mr. Fatty Fat-Pants”) and then pinned him to a tree and told a white accomplice to get a “noose.” Two white men were arrested for felony assault in connection with the incident.

Highly-respected NBC News columnist Minyvonne Burke [9] says that now, 13 months after the alleged attempted lynching, an Indiana prosecutor has committed the grievous racial injustice of also charging [10] Vauhxx Booker with assault for punching one of the white men. Booker, of course, denies punching the white man and says this is simply more evidence of a strong, proud black man being kep’ down for gettin’ too uppity: “There’s nothing more American than charging a Black man in his own attempted lynching.”

Interesting choice of words there: “his own attempted lynching.”

Booker claims that for a year now, he has resisted a prosecutor’s attempts to reach a peaceful resolution by dropping charges against both sides:

I wasn’t surprised because, for the entire year the special prosecutor has pressured and bullied me at every turn that if I didn’t…let charges be dismissed that she would charge me. It wasn’t out of any new evidence or any shocking revelation. It was simply that, once again, I was telling a white person no and they were going to punish me.

According to statistics provided by the Tuskegee Institute [11], 4,743 people were lynched in the United States from 1882 to 1968. Although hardly anyone knows it, 1,297 of those lynched were white. That leaves 3,446 blacks lynched over the course of 86 years.

Never mind that far more blacks kill one another every year than that. It’s not relevant. Beating white people to death with guilt is the only thing relevant here.

And it’s not as if there have never been incidents of “fake noose [12]” before. It didn’t happen in Jena, Louisiana [13] in 2006. It didn’t happen in New York City [14] and Baltimore [15] in 2007. It didn’t happen at the University of Wisconsin-Parkside [16] in 2012, the University of Delaware [17] in 2015, Salisbury State University [18] in 2016, and Michigan State University [19] in 2017. It didn’t happen outside the Mississippi State Capitol [20] in 2018. Black TV actor Jussie Smollett [21] didn’t place a noose on himself in 2020 and leave it on until police arrived. And when NASCAR driver Bubba Wallace [22] “discovered” a noose in his Alabama garage stall in 2020, it hadn’t been there even before he’d been assigned that stall, and it most certainly wasn’t simply a loop of rope used to close the frickin’ garage door.

But they want you to believe it this time, because apparently they really, really, really need you to hate them. Their very self-esteem depends on it.

New Zealand Prime Minister Endures Public “Humiliation” Ritual to Appease Obese Pacific Islanders

After 2019’s Christchurch massacre at a New Zealand mosque, the nation’s pinched-face Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern leapt on the opportunity to pose for photos wearing a hijab and looking sad [23].

Last week, somehow feeling compelled to stage another self-flagellating photo op, she decided to apologize for 1974-1976’s “Dawn Raids,” in which police rounded up Pacific Islanders — who, if you were not aware, are the fattest fucking people on the planet — and deport them because they had overstayed their visas.

Aping some primitive ritual known as an “ifoga [24],” Ardern allowed government officials to drape a mat over her, which was intended to “humiliate” her as she begged them for forgiveness for alleged crimes that were committed long before the daffy broad was even born. Then she allowed the adipose islanders to remove the mat, although it appears she will have to bleed the Kiwi taxpayers of some payoffs before the blubbery pineapple-heads even begin to pretend to forgive her.

Beware of anyone who takes a sick pride in being humiliated.

Asian Man Fails to Realize Why Women Don’t Find Asian Men Attractive

Jade Yamazaki Stewart [25] is your average-looking half-Asian, half-white guy. In laymen’s terms, that means that your average American woman might, at best, only find him to be half-attractive.

Proving that he is not in the least bit manly, he recently wrote a whine-piece for the Seattle Times called “How America tells me and other Asian American men we’re not attractive [26]”:

In middle and high school, acquaintances often referred to me and my twin brother as ‘the Asians’ instead of by our names. Friends casually called us racial slurs. I brushed most of these comments off as well-intentioned, if misguided, jokes. . . . But out of all of the racist comments, the ones that stung the most were those that attacked my fragile sense of adolescent masculinity: “Asian guys aren’t hot.” “They’re awkward and bad with girls.” . . . From a young age, it was clear to me: America doesn’t find Asian men attractive. . . . I came to realize how the racism I faced as a kid shaped my self-esteem, and how my belief that Asian men weren’t attractive was harming me. My internalized white supremacy was degrading an immutable part of who I am.

I’m sure that every woman who just read that is simply gushing with vaginal lubrication. Change your panties if you must, ladies — I’ll wait.

America is blamed, as is white supremacy and the fact that there aren’t a lot of macho Asian men in Hollywood action films. Everyone is blamed except, of course, Asian men.

I blame Asian men—as do, according to statistics [27], American women of all races. There are 2.4 times more white men married to Asian women than Asian men married to white women. There are 4.3 times more black men married to Asian women than Asian men to black women.

Why might this be? Certainly Asian men make enough money to attract women, right? Or is it that men of other races can give women “more” where it really counts?

Might it have something to do with the fact that when all the planet’s nations are ranked according to penis size [28], Indonesia, Singapore, Malaysia, Vietnam, Thailand, Bangladesh, Hong Kong, Sri Lanka, Philippines, Taiwan, and Cambodia occupy the absolute dead bottom of the list, with the poor, sad Cambodians not even cracking the four-inch barrier? Might it be related to the fact that Asian males rank last globally when it comes to both penile length and girth [29]? Could it in any way be connected to the fact that Asian males have the lowest amount of 5-alpha reductase [30], which metabolizes testosterone into dihydrotestosterone, the latter of which is “at least eight to ten times more potent than testosterone”?

Perish the thought! Once the movies show a Korean Batman who savagely humiliates a white-supremacist Penguin, the ladies will be all over those egg rolls.

“Carlton” from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air Salivates Over “White Pussy,” Then Whines that Blacks Won’t Accept Him

Alfonso Ribeiro is the annoying little black man who played Carlton Banks on the 1990s sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, a show which I am proud to announce I have never seen and vow never to see unless they remake it with an all-white cast. Carlton’s character, a spoiled, upper-class conservative young Negro gent, served as a counterpoint to Will Smith’s character, which, they would have you believe, was a streetwise homeboy from the gritty streets of West Philly.

In one episode, Carlton’s application to join an all-black fraternity was rejected because he allegedly wasn’t “black” enough. In a recent interview with the Atlanta Star, Ribiero complains that both his lifelong typecasting and the fact that he has a blonde wife has caused him to be shunned [31] by the black community:

Being Black [sic] isn’t something that I try to be. It’s who I am. It still happens almost every day, unfortunately. I am in a mixed relationship. And I get things and looks and comments constantly. And I find it very interesting because you see a lot of things on social media where people say things and people have positions and perspectives. And it’s not easy to make that choice, because you’re not at home in any home. I’m never going to be white and I’m never going to be fully supported in the Black [sic] house. . . . So I’m in my own little world with support from almost no one, to be in love with someone I’ve fallen in love with. How does that make sense? It doesn’t. We all want to live in a world where everyone is accepted for being and loving and living the way they choose to live. I will support any person that wants to live in a world that they want to live in. I’ll support a racist person to live in a world that they want to live in. They don’t have to be around me.

Well, I like the last thing he said, at least. Sounds like a win-win.

But black Twitter — which is often cruelly funny — reminded him that maybe they don’t hate him so much for his white wife as they do for videotaped comments [32] such as these:

There’s some hot white pussy out here tonight! . . . Listen: I have been known to fuck some white girls in my lifetime, okay? . . . Every time you see me in a club, guess who I’m gonna walk about with . . . lovely blonde white chicks!

Actually, after hearing that, now I have no doubt that he’s black.

The Pernicious Problem of “Crocodile Men” in the Central African Republic

The Central African Republic, with a nominal per-capita yearly income of $448 and a male life expectancy at birth of 45 years, has to be one of the toughest places in the world to be an aspiring rapper.

What’s even worse is having to deal with the crocodile men [33].

During one week in July along the Ubangui River, fishermen dragged out three “grossly mutilated corpses wrapped in sackcloth” from the reeds along the riverbanks. All of the corpses were beheaded and handcuffed.

Although a sane person in a country with a per-capita income and life expectancy much higher than the Central African Republic might blame this on “murderers,” the wise denizens of this absolute shithole instead blame the talimbi — aka, the “crocodile men.”

Some believe that the talimbi are merely human sorcerers, while others say they are humans with the ability to metamorphose into reptiles. They hold tribunals in which an accused’s guilt or innocence is determined by tossing a stick or plant into the water. If it floats, the accused is innocent. If it sinks, the sinister reptile-men will give out a call that lures the accused to the river, where they are tortured and drowned. It is said that they are mutilated in accordance with their crime. If they lied, they may have their tongue pulled out. If they were philanderers, they may be castrated. Since all three of last month’s victims were decapitated, I will assume that they were all thinking about getting the hell out of the Central African Republic.

White Genocide, Real and Imagined

White people don’t exist, but they are responsible for everything bad. Race doesn’t exist, either, but racism is everywhere.

Are you following me? Good, because I’m not.

There used to be a time when journalism was devoted to dispassionately reporting the observable facts rather than peddling half-assed totalitarian racial pseudo-religions. That time has obviously passed. The editors at the Columbia Journalism Review recently released a podcast episode called “How We Got Here: Whiteness [34]”:

Whiteness in America isn’t just the neutral norm against which racial minorities, particularly Black people, are measured. Whiteness in America means having the privilege and power that go along with being part of that supposed norm. And becoming white — not in terms of pigment but of social status — is a choice that nearly every immigrant or refugee group in America has had to embrace or reject.

I can agree that we all got here through whiteness, but for reasons which likely differ vastly from those of the editors.

I’m assuming that the Oklahoma Aspiring Educators Association is for people who are so dumb, they can’t even qualify for a teaching job yet. They recently held a “Racial and Social Justice Symposium [35]” which said that Oklahoma’s schools were “tools of white supremacy” and that the only solution was to “purge the teaching profession of many of its current members, who are majority white.”

According to Terry Jess [36], a fat and ugly bearded white man with the distinguished honor of being a National Education Association Social Justice Activist finalist in 2017:

Really, I want to be an agent of discomfort for white folks. I want to get folks to either commit to the work or get out of the profession. And I know that sounds harsh, but we cannot have schools apart from antiracism. We cannot have schools that continue to perpetuate white supremacy and inflict harm on students of color.

Terry, you have achieved your goal of being an “agent of discomfort” for this white man. I suspect that people of all colors feel discomfort merely by being in your presence.

Chelsie Joy Acosta [37] is another NEA Social Justice Activist finalist in 2017. She appears to be a middle-aged white woman, but claims to be a Latina:

The majority of educators across the nation are white women, middle-aged white women, even a little bit older, right? . . . Our institution of education that we’re speaking of, and the institutions around us, have embedded this deep layer of implicit bias, right, in every different space. . . . The work in education is not curriculum. It’s not teaching to a test. The work is to love and see our students — especially our black, indigenous, queer youth, our youth that has disabilities. That is our job. That is our profession.

No, you ditzy slit, your job is to teach readin’, writin’, and ’rithmetic.

Attendees at this humdinger of a symposium were also told that primary traits of “white supremacy culture” include “worship of the written word,” “individualism,” and “objectivity.”

I objectively hate these people.

White People Killed Them [38]” is the name of a new album by a trio of male musicians featuring an Injun, a self-hating white, and a black percussionist. According to a recent review:

“White People Killed Them” leaps into the mind with provocative energy. In the absence of any clear context, there is an ambiguity to its potential meaning that challenges the listener to react. This reaction (as Dietrich suggested to me) inevitably manifests like the results of a Rorschach test, colored by what the listener has been conditioned to hear or see in it.

Thankfully, I haven’t heard the album.

Researchers at UC Davis [39] recently had the audacity to publish a paper called “Goodbye to ‘Rough Fish’: Paradigm Shift in the Conservation of Native Fishes.” It laments that terms such as “rough fish,” “trash fish,” and “coarse fish” were coined by racist white males and urges people to use terms such as “native fish” instead in an effort to “integrate Indigenous perspectives into fisheries management”:

Perspectives of white males have overwhelmingly dominated fisheries science and management in the USA. This dynamic is exemplified by bias against ‘rough fish’ — a pejorative ascribing low-to-zero value for countless native fishes. One product of this bias is that biologists have ironically worked against conservation of diverse fishes for over a century, and these problems persist today.

No, today the problems are new — and worse than ever.

But remember: White genocide is a “dangerous myth employed by racists [40].” Even though there is no such thing as white people, you should blame them for everything.

There isn’t enough psychiatric medication in the world to cure this madness.

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