Why The Olympics are Basically a Klan Rally
Since the Olympics originated in ancient Greece, and since ancient Greece is considered the cradle of Western Civilization, and since Western Civilization is responsible for all disharmony and hatred and suffering among human groups throughout history, it’s a wonder that the white supremacists who run the Olympics haven’t yet rounded up all the Athletes of Color who gather together every four years and sent them all to camps to be tortured to death on live television.
According to many accounts, this may be the year that finally happens.
Granted, the closest this has ever come to happening was 1972’s “Munich Massacre,” AKA the “Olympicaust,” which left 11 dead Israelis in its wake. Unfortunately, the perpetrators of this tragedy were Palestinian rather than white, which really doesn’t make it a hate crime as hate crimes are currently understood and must come as a tremendous disappointment for those who yearn to find legitimate genocidal racial hatred oozing out of every white pore on Earth.
If you’re a big-bottomed black or a frail and willowy Asian Olympian, you must compete this year under the tremendous psychic pressure of knowing that there’s a target on your back while you’re trying to keep your eyes focused on the finish line.
“Anti-Asian racism haunts Tokyo Olympics,” bleats the scary headline in the Korea Times. But rather than bothering to note how the Japanese can’t stand the Koreans, the article focuses on what may have been an innocently stupid comment by a Greek sportscaster who wondered aloud why Koreans seemed to be so adept at ping-pong: “Their eyes are small, so I can’t understand how they can see the ball moving back and forth.” In what I would consider an anti-Greek hate crime, the sportscaster was immediately fired without anyone so much as attempting to explain how the slants’ epicanthic handicap enables them to be such sterling table-tennis players. The sole other example of anti-slope terror the article cited was the fact that the World Archery Foundation used a “chop suey” font to celebrate the fact that Koreans snagged gold medals for both men’s and women’s archery. The font, also known as “wonton,” is a typeface that “was commonly used by old Chinese restaurants in the United States, in an era of systemic Orientalism and discrimination against Asian immigrants.”
“Descriptions of Asian Olympians’ bodies are part of trend of dehumanizing Asians in U.S.,” bellows Victoria Namkung for NBC News in an article that seriously tries to argue that merely by noting Asians are quantifiably smaller than other races and that their slight builds may give them a tactical advantage in certain sports such as figure-skating and diving, it somehow magically “plays into a larger racial rhetoric that constructs Asian Americans as not fully adults.” It also says that describing Asian women as petite and willowy “is racist and dehumanizing and part of a longer history of exotifying and sexualizing Asian women in the U.S.”
Would it have been less racist to say Asian women are sexually repulsive? There’s absolutely no pleasing these types.
“Asian American Olympians share how anti-Asian hate has affected them,” warns another NBC News headline. A Korean-born male gymnast shares the shocking story of how a woman once cut him off in traffic and told him to “Go back to China.” Two Hawaiian-born Asian volleyball players talk about the toxic trauma of viewing a video where a Serbian athlete once stretched her eyelids with her fingers in a match against Thailand. And a Chinese-American “Paralympic wheelchair tennis player” complains that her friends have joked with her about how she brought COVID-19 to the USA.
Clearly, all of the actual violence that I and many of my white friends have experienced at the hands of American blacks cannot compare to any of the above-listed incidents.
But, as everyone knows, it’s much worse to be black than to be Asian. Both the Asians and the blacks will tell you that.
“2021 Olympics in Tokyo highlights struggles of Black athletes in white spaces,” says MSNBC, curiously designating Tokyo as a white space. They share the hilarious tale of how many world-class black female sprinters have been barred from this year’s Olympics merely because their natural testosterone levels are too high.
“Black Olympians Are Set Up to Fail,” lies a black woman named Ashley Stoney in The Cut. She talks about how Brianna McNeal, the 2016 100-meter hurdles champion, will not be allowed to compete in this year’s games. Sure, McNeal missed four separate drug tests, but somehow this is blamed on white racism rather than on a black woman being a serially lazy fuckup. McNeal is quoted: “I am being excommunicated from the sport as if I was shooting up drugs my entire career. . . . I can’t help but wonder if I was a white woman, or a European would I have been met with some consideration?”
I can’t help but wonder if a white or a European would ever miss four drug tests in a row and then blame it on racism.
“Racism, patriarchy taint Japan Olympics,” wails a headline in the Spokesman-Recorder, citing the case of the ridiculously-named Sha’Carri Richardson, an orange-haired black lesbian sprinter who was suspended from competing in the Olympics after testing positive for marijuana. Laura Schliefer, who is described as a white “activist and writer,” says that Richardson’s suspension sends a message of, “Do not outdo White [sic] women, who of course have never, ever had an unfair advantage themselves in life. Never.”
Funny—I suspect the message may have been more along the lines of, “Don’t smoke dope before going to the Olympics,” but then again, I’m not an activist.
Don’t Believe Your Lying Eyes about Who’s Attacking Asians
In the past few months of exhaustively documenting violent attacks on Asians, I’ve only seen one instance where the assailant looked like an Italian dude. Otherwise, the attackers were wall-to-wall Negroes. It’s almost as if the blacks don’t want anyone else to elbow in on their hustle.
You can add to this list a recent case where 65-year-old Melvin Taylor, black as the ace o’ spades, has been charged with “assault with a deadly weapon, assault by means of force likely to produce great bodily injury and attempted second-degree robbery, along with a hate crime allegation” for allegedly attacking a Korean woman in Santa Monica, California. Taylor is also “accused of yelling racial slurs and mentioning the coronavirus while trying to steal her purse.”
Not to be outdone, reppin’ the East Coast is 25-year-old Maricia Bell of Queens, New York, who is facing charges of assaulting four Asians—three women and a man—in separate events since March. In the most recent attack, she “allegedly struck a 75-year-old Asian woman in the head with a hammer, causing a cut and bleeding.”
Now here comes the fun part.
“Hate Crimes Documented by Police Disproportionately List Black People as Attackers,” says MSN.com. Yes, that’s right—black people are not disproportionately attacking Asians, they’re being disproportionately listed by racist police officials as attacking Asians.
The article cites an unnamed report which states that in 13 US states, blacks are outperforming their quotient of the population at anywhere from 1.6 to 3.6 times when it comes to attacking Asians. According to the report:
These repeated disparities . . . show that — despite the fact that people of color are far more likely to be the victims of hate violence — the instances of hate violence that are actually documented by police . . . are disproportionately those alleged to have been committed by Black [sic] people.
Then the article quotes a certain Marita Etcubañez, who works at someplace called Asian Americans Advancing Justice:
We don’t have a true and accurate understanding of what anti-Asian hate during the pandemic has looked like. . . . But we do know that these commonly discussed perceptions that the perpetrators of anti-Asian hate are mainly Black or African American are not accurate.
She did not expend any effort in explaining why these “perceptions”—which were perceived with your senses and documented with statistics—were inaccurate. But the writer at MSN.com, without bothering to explain why, either, made sure to drill into your head the idea that these perceptions were false:
As racist attacks on Asian Americans and Asian immigrants gained widespread attention in recent months, so did a false perception that Black [sic] Americans were the main culprits of such attacks.
It would all be very funny if it weren’t so unfunny.
Sieg Heal!: Video Game Seeks to Rehabilitate Hitler
Since his untimely death in 1945, the evil dictator Adolf Hitler has suffered some of the worst publicity in human history. Only a fool would deny that he gets a bad rap.
Ever since the question “Would you kill baby Hitler?” gained memetic force a few years ago, the consensus answer seemed to be, “Sure, I’d travel back in time and stab that no-good infant in the eyeballs with long knitting needles and enjoy his screams of pain until he was as dead as the German winter to avert a Holocaust and prove that I am a compassionate person.”
Hitler’s problem, you see, was that he dehumanized others. That’s why it’s a virtue to dehumanize Hitler and why “Two wrongs make a right” is the Eleventh Commandment.
After three months of work I’ve finally released my psychological PC game, Heal Hitler, where you attempt to resolve Hitler’s trauma to prevent catastrophe via therapy and Jungian and Freudian psychology. Succeed and avoid the war and holocaust.
The game’s official description reads:
POV: You are Hitler’s psychologist in 1925. Diagnose his complexes by using both Jungian and Freudian psychotherapy and attempt to heal him. . . . Resolve Hitler’s trauma and prevent catastrophe via therapy and psychology. Succeed and avoid the war and holocaust. . . . Hitler was human too, just like you. If you distance yourself from him by dehumanizing him and calling him a monster, you are doing psychological damage to your self [sic]. . . . In order to develop your shadow, you need to realize and admit that given the right circumstances, you could become someone like Hitler too. You are both good and evil. And if we don’t admit that someone like Hitler could come again, we are doomed to repeat history.
Unlike “Would you kill baby Hitler?”, the game Heal Hitler was met with near-universal outrage. The only possible conclusion from this is that people would be willing to risk killing millions of Jews so long as they also got to kill Hitler.
People are weird.
Preventing a Sharkocaust by Diversifying the Marine Science Industry
Commercial fishing practices kill an estimated 100 million sharks yearly, so where are all the memorials in our city parks and documentaries on The History Channel?
As I’ve stated repeatedly, proof that the marine science industry is innately white supremacist is the fact that we’re endlessly battered with stories about great white sharks, but never hear a word about all the great black sharks that toil in obscurity in our oceans’ waters.
But now there’s a group called Minorities in Shark Sciences (MISS) that seeks to rectify that and send eager young black scientists—who are members of a race not typically known for their swimming prowess—into the murky depths to cavort joyously with these apex predators. I say, “Let them have at it!”
“Moving away from featuring largely white male experts and towards including more diverse scientific voices and perspectives, particularly those of local experts where episodes are being filmed, would be a valuable step forward for Shark Week and shark science,” says Dr. Catherine Macdonald.
Minorities in Shark Sciences launched their noble project on June 19, 2020 in a deliberate attempt to coincide with the Juneteenth celebration and as part of their mission to educate the world’s sharks about black slavery.
Dead Jewish Comic Accused of Bigotry For Saying White People Are Being Persecuted
Comedian Jackie Mason—born Yacov Maza into a family that was part of a rabbinic dynasty from Eastern Europe—may not have been the funniest Jew who ever lived, but he was definitely the Jewiest funnyman who ever lived.
A recent “don’t let the door hit you on the ass on your way to hell” obituary for the recently-deceased professional kvetcher in Salon.com simultaneously praises Mason for being a “beacon of Jewish pride,” but then tut-tuts him for letting that pride morph into a “poisonous stew of exclusionary Zionism.” It also scolds Mason’s fresh corpse for referring to Barack Obama as a schvartze, which, barring “schvoogie,” is still my favorite anti-black slur. It flings hot venom at Mason for his support of the ultra-Zionist ex-prez Donald Trump. But it goes completely off the rails on the cattle car to Auschwitz by disapprovingly quoting Mason’s line that “[i]f it’s a racist society, the White people are the ones being persecuted,” as if there’s anything remotely inaccurate about that statement.
Man Charged With Ethnic Intimidation for “I Love Being White” Stickers
John Michael Kantz is a 60-year-old white man from North Carolina who looks much worse than I do at 60 years old, so I will assume he has lived a dissolute and unhealthy life, at least compared to me.
Last Monday he was arrested and charged with “ethnic intimidation,” which is North Carolina’s version of a hate crime. The law makes it a misdemeanor to “assault another person, or damage or deface the property of another person, or threaten to do any such act” due to their race, color, nationality, etc., etc., ad nauseam.
Kantz allegedly placed stickers that read, “I [heart] being white” on cars and in one bathroom near two separate Mexican restaurants in Cary, North Carolina.
Maria Bravo, manager at one of the Mexican restaurants, said, “I thought I was overreacting when I first saw the stickers and I got upset. . . . It took me a while to actually decide to call the police, but I also feel like these are the moments where I need—we need—to speak up.”
How does it qualify as “assault” against Mexicans to declare you love being white? I mean, when Mexicans tell me they love being Mexican, all I do is wonder why.
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