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The Best Man’s Divorce Speech

Detail, The Divorce of Empress Josephine in 1809, Henri Frédéric Schopin, 1843.

1,604 words

One of the best memories I have is giving the best man’s speech at my best friend’s wedding. I gave that speech 14 years ago and my friend has been married ever since with three great kids. Unfortunately, I have also known men who have lost their property, money, and custody of their children from devastating divorces. With high divorce rates and biased laws, some men are opting out of marriage due to the financial and social risks of divorce. In order to reclaim our communities and our culture, we as white advocates need to address the realities and challenges that men face with divorce.

As much as we might think that divorce is a symptom of modernity, divorce has played a substantial role in European history. After the fall of the Roman Empire, marriage was regulated more by religious authority than by any power of the state. The early Orthodox Church had more lenient views on divorce, granting some divorces on evidence of adultery or abandonment. The Catholic Church viewed marriage as a sacrament instituted by Jesus Christ, and therefore, indissoluble by human action.

While divorce was prohibited in most Catholic areas after the 10th century, annulments were sometimes granted to members of the nobility and ruling classes.  Henry the VIII of England is best remembered for his numerous marriages and his ability to get his marriages annulled. His efforts to have his first marriage to Catherine of Aragon annulled in 1533 was a catalyst for the Church of England to break away from the authority of the Pope and the Catholic Church. Between 1643 and 1645 John Milton wrote four pamphlets emphasizing the importance of making divorce a private matter instead of a religious matter. These pamphlets foreshadowed Milton’s views on politics and religion and would tie into the depiction of Adam and Eve in his epic poem Paradise Lost.

The English Reformation’s view on divorce would also impact the broader Enlightenment movement throughout Europe. King Frederick II of Prussia enacted a new divorce law in 1752 which declared marriage to be a private concern. Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II also implemented a similar law throughout his domain to all his non-Catholic subjects. Divorce was also legalized in France after the French Revolution under the Napoleonic Code of 1804. Napoleon would announce his divorce from his first wife Josephine in 1809 and officially divorced her on January 10th, 1810.

Up until the 19th century, English wives were still under the economic and legal control of their husbands. During this time, any divorce had to be granted by Parliament and required a large financial sum. The Matrimonial Causes Act of 1857 made divorce a civil affair of the courts instead of the Church of England. It was still expensive to file for divorce, but this law made it more affordable to the average commoner. Further amendments were made in 1878 where local judges and civil servants could approve separations. By the 1960s, most western societies had some form of legal separation or divorce, apart from Vatican City.

In 1969, Governor Ronald Reagan of California signed the first no-fault divorce bill in the US. This law removed the need for married couples to identify the wrongdoing or actions caused by their spouse to justify a divorce. This law would inadvertently allow a spouse to dissolve a marriage for any reason or no reason at all. By the 1990s, almost every state in the US had some type of no-fault divorce law.

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For various reasons, it is always difficult to calculate the actual divorce rate of a country. The most recent US census results from 2018 recorded the marriage and divorce rates from the number of women (age 15 and older) who were married or divorced within the last year per 1000 people. In 2018, there were 16.6 new marriages and 7.7 divorces per 1000 people with a divorce-to-marriage ratio of 0.46 (46 percent). In 2008, there were 17.9 new marriages and 10.5 divorces per 1000 people with a divorce-to-marriage ratio of 0.58 (58 percent). From this information, the divorce rate in the US may have lowered in the last ten years, but so has the marriage rate. To give some European comparisons: Denmark and Finland have a divorce rate of around 55 percent, France and Belgium have a divorce rate of around 54 percent, and Hungary and Slovenia have a divorce rate of around 37 percent.

There are fundamental differences in how divorce impacts men and women. Over 70 percent of divorces are filed and initiated by women. Roughly 75 percent of child custody cases during a divorce give sole custody of the children to the mother. Around 45 percent of the divorces In the US require men to forfeit property. While the average duration of a new marriage in the US is eight years, various states require men to pay lifelong alimony to their ex-wives should they end up getting divorced after ten years.

In a perfect world, every white man would find a compatible white woman to marry and have white children. Unfortunately, we do not live in a perfect world. White people are marrying less and having fewer children. When white people do end up marrying and having children, a large percentage of these families are broken up through divorce. Sadly, most divorce courts in the US favor women over men in regard to finances, property, and child custody. Younger children may have a greater need for their mothers, but pre-teens and teenagers have a greater need for the guidance and leadership of their fathers. Numerous studies have shown that white children in single-mother homes are less likely to succeed in school, careers, and even the chances of getting married in the future.

My parents were married several years before having me. They planned on having children and waited for the right time in their lives and careers to have me. I am who I am because of my parents. I have been told that I take after the characteristics and mannerisms of my father. However, I also think that I inherited many of my hobbies and interests from my mother such as reading, writing, language learning, and music.

I got to know my best friend Adam in high school over music. While my mom took me to my first concerts as a kid, I went to a lot of concerts as a teenager with Adam. He drove us to a Slayer concert and I recognized a group of girls from our high school. I was attracted to one of them, so I asked Adam to come over with me to talk to them. The girl I liked had another friend with her that Adam started talking to. That girl would later become Adam’s wife. 14 years ago, I was asked to be the best man at their wedding and to give a short speech on how I introduced my best friend to his future wife.

I wish I could give a speech to all the white men who have been impacted negatively by divorce or who may never get married due to the risks of divorce. I would tell them that they are not alone. I would tell them that they have every right to be bitter from a devastating divorce or skeptical of ever getting married. Our current culture and societies do not want white people to form families and have white children. There is a good chance that your future wife might leave you, take your property, and take your children, all while making you pay for the legal fees.

I would tell them that I do not have the answers and that things will not change overnight. But what I would tell them is that we as ethnic nationalists and white advocates care about them. We want them to be the best they can be and live the best life imaginable. Marriage and children may not be for everyone and many men in history were unable to reproduce. Nevertheless, our ancestors were able to defy the challenges of their time to form families and have children. Without the sacrifice of our ancestors, we would not be here today. We have a duty. We have a biological imperative. I would remind our brothers that we must do whatever we can to secure the existence of our people and a future for white children. Regardless of the risks. Regardless of the challenges. If my parents did not have me, I might not have introduced Adam to his future wife. Without Adam and his wife getting married, their family and their children might not be here today.

I would end my speech by telling our men that I myself am not perfect. I myself have never been married and I do not have any kids. I too am cautious about marriage and children. Nevertheless, I am happy with my life now and remain positive about the future. I have my own goals, I have a dog, and I have made some great male friends in the Dissident Right that are helping white people reclaim their communities and culture. Many of these friends have also started forming families and having children of their own. Who knows? These friends might introduce me to my future wife just as I did for Adam.

I just hope they give a better speech at my wedding.

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