While driving to work one dark and stormy night, I saw something shiny and reflective in a ditch. Curious about what it was, I pulled over and walked up to investigate it. It was a wealthy White bicyclist in one of those skin-tight bicycling outfits lying motionless–having failed in his endeavor to “share the road.” I dug through his pocket for identification, but all I could find was his 4G-enabled iPhone 4S. As I looked at the screen with the hope of finding some friend or relative’s phone number to call, the following document captured my attention. — Matt Parrott
We, the Learned White Elite, being deeply insecure about our social class and entirely indifferent to the fate of our extended family of non-elite Whites (hereinafter referred to as white trash, rednecks, trailer trash, racists, and “those people“), have concocted a scheme to effectively crush this horde of pallid and freckled usurpers. While they thought we were gathering to attend “ugly sweater parties” and play adult dodge ball at city parks, we were actually conspiring against them. Finally, our grand scheme has coalesced into a master plan of global conquest.
The following protocols, which must be guarded from the sight of hillbillies and NASCAR fans at all costs, are what we all secretly agree on.
1. The White Race is Supreme
How stupid would it be for people who are not retarded to organize an advocacy group? It would be ludicrous! Every single identity group except for ours can and should have advocacy groups, lobbies, and support networks to defend their interests because they’re all handicapped relative to us. If Whites who don’t belong to our elite SWPL hipster clique attempt to organize, we’ll react with moral indignation, as if to do so is the equivalent of picking on retards.
2. Promote “White Privilege”
The cool thing about our “White Privilege” concept is that it shifts the moral burden of possessing our elite wealth and privilege to “those people” without actually according them any of our wealth or privilege. Since we White Elites have the wealth and social connections to avoid any unwelcome consequences of promoting anti-White policies, we’ll benefit greatly from them while looking and feeling morally superior to “those people.”
3. Decapitate Non-White Communities
Non-White communities aren’t actually relevant and don’t actually pose a threat to our effete and pampered lifestyles, but we can imperil “those people” by taking the most gifted non-Whites and artificially promoting them into our elite institutions. The non-Whites will foolishly believe they’re being inducted into the elite when they’re actually being placed there to displace “those people.” We’ll invest heavily in legacy admissions programs and rig the entrance process to require a great deal of expensive “test prep” which will ensure that we continue to have access to elite institutions while using non-Whites as a defensive buffer against working class Whites.
If non-Whites took a single moment to honestly consider the consequences of plucking the talented tenth from their respective communities, they would realize that this Affirmative Action recipe to serve them is a cookbook.
They won’t stop to consider this because, well, they’re simply not as smart as we are.
4. Blame the Victims
We’ll encourage Black men to idolize and chase around blonde women, then blame Black women when they end up being left behind. We’ll even heavily promote a book called Is Marriage for White People?  that directly blames Black women for having their lives ruined by the policies and lifestyle decisions we’re promoting. When we ship all the manufacturing jobs working class Whites rely on to survive to China and give the few remaining ones to Mexican immigrants, we’ll blame the working class Whites who’ve been imperiled by our policies, accusing them of being lazy, stupid, and racist.
5. Shun our Inferiors
We’re pitting the racially handicapped against our inferior white trash cousins to enrich ourselves and consolidate our power. It’s working very well. Eventually, we’ll achieve what our White elite brothers in Latin America have achieved: a world in which a tiny White elite is completely dominant and unchallenged while a confused and helpless mob of non-White people labor in poverty on the outside of our gated communities. As long as we keep paying the natural elites of the non-Whites to be on our team, they’ll continue working with us in opposition to the best interests of not only “those people” but of their own people, as well.
The only real threat to our continued dominance is if the trailer trash beneath us realized what we’re doing to them and what the end game is. Conceivably, they could insist that they have a right to exist and to have a political order which isn’t actively working to replace them. Fortunately, there’s a way to absolutely guarantee this won’t happen: social shaming.
It will be difficult to keep a straight face while we do this, but we’re going to accuse working class Whites of being evil racists with “privilege” when they step out of line and speak up in support of their group interests. A few of us will even sit in Manhattan townhouses and write for the New York Times about how despicably “White Supremacist” the working class Whites are. We’ll pay ourselves to be civil rights “watchdogs” and harass them. We’ll depict them on television sitcoms and blockbuster movies as hateful bumbling jerks, and suggest that they’re all scheming to put on Nazi costumes and lynch Black people.
Our policies which force America’s underclass to integrate into the same neighborhoods and schools will inflame racial tensions. We’re financially above all that, but we’ll pose as if we’re morally above all that. Our children will grow up in pristine neighborhoods with “good schools” featuring a handful of specially-selected and groomed token minorities (see Protocol 3). Since we’re not the ones with endangered children, collapsing communities, and outsourcing employers, it will be very easy for us to act sensible and sober while all the rednecks are panicking.
Over 150 years ago, Southern plantation owners sat on their porches sipping mint juleps while non-Whites toiled under their aegis. We, the Northern industrialist elites and their trust fund babies, defeated them in the Civil War so that we could one day end up with that gig. If we stick to our plan and White American workers continue being cowed by our shaming tactics into accepting and even blaming themselves for their humiliation, victory will be ours. We’ll sip herbal tea instead of mint julep, of course. We’ll discuss soccer and listen to Florence and the Machine instead of discussing Shakespeare and listening to Mozart, of course. But it will be pretty much the same gig.
We just have to continue following these protocols and pray that the working class White masses don’t call our bluff and start organizing against our multicultural and global scheme.